we live together and have a really good relationship most of the time - he goes out about once maybe twice a week and when he does i get really funny about it - i dont no why? he isnt doing anything wrong apart from seeing friends having a drink and playing pool . i just want to stop having a problem with it - i think i am scared he will cheat or something but he has never done anything to make me think this. i also think if we come to have children will he still mbe going out like this - i know it sounds so stupid but it does have a big effect on our relationship any advice would be great?????
2006-11-27 19:03:29 · 27 answers · asked by Pebbles 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If you carry on like this all i can see is you pushing him away and leaving.... not to have an affair but just away from someone who is on his case all the time. Someones view on here was that he will never change etc and always want to go out with his mates... as a man... what a load of Boll*cks (excuse my French) I used to go out all the time but when you get older you don't as much but the thing is with us blokes we still like to go out and have a few beers with our mates even if its not as much as when we were younger as our life is not just about our partner where it seems your life revolves around him....I may seem to being a bit blunt but if someone doesn't then you wont know.... "We are men.... we like to go out and have a few beers.... it does not mean we are cheating.... we can have a life with you and our friends.... its called living". And if you have kids etc people priority's change so unless he is an idiot and not take responsibility for a child he will stay in more...Ive seen this happen so many times but there is hope as you know your doing it.... good luck by the way
2006-11-27 19:37:17 · answer #1 · answered by 2 good 2 miss 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good ur asking this question, there are many who dont.
1st thing it is a thing a couple (may be just 2 friends, 2lovers) feel when one is in the house & the other goes out without him/her.
What else can anyone expect to feel - but IGNORED.
Even he would feel the same if u did it to him on regular basis.
The best way to resolve the issue is that u could go out during this time buying the household grocery, clothes for u, etc. Things that u could do when he is away, like cleaning up the rooms, ironing, playing ur favourite soap channel - the one that he doesnt allow ( cause he finds it so boring). call ur friends / parents that u have not called for a long time.
2006-11-27 19:57:39 · answer #2 · answered by jack 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well you've recognised the problem and the fact that your fears are foundless, so you're definitely not stupid. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about it? You'll have to brooch the subject carefully so that you don't give him the impression that you are blaming him or suggesting he shouldn't go out. Just tell him your insecurities and how foolish you feel about them. That would be a start to easing the stress.
What do you do whilst he is out? If you are at home with not much to do it gives you time to fret about what he might be up to. Maybe there is even a bit of jealousy in there that he's the one going out socialising and you are stuck at home. At the moment, you have no children so there is no need for you to be. Try looking for your own activities to engage in whilst he is out. Once you have children of course things will be different, you'll have to take it in turns to go out.
2006-11-27 20:42:19 · answer #3 · answered by gerrifriend 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You seem to be insecure. As you said, he's never cheated on you before so why would he do it now? If you keep on at him you'll drive him away. The next time he goes out try and smile, give him a cuddle, and just act casual. No matter how you feel! He's not doing anything wrong. Even guys with kids still need time out! Dont you go out with your friends?
2006-11-27 19:11:50 · answer #4 · answered by I know nothing! 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you possibly put him first in your life and you can't understand why he would want to go out (even if it's only one or two nights a week) with his friends, instead of spending that time with you. I bet you would rather spend time with him than see your friends. Would it not be possible to go with him, say for just one of the nights or would he object to that ? I also think maybe you are a little unsure of him, even after 5 years. I don't think you are an idiot. Love can do funny things sometimes. I hope this helps.
2006-11-27 19:20:14 · answer #5 · answered by JillPinky 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
To try to stop him going out with his friends is really a control freak thing....we all have our own lives to lead and must be free to make our own choices. He will naturally resent any attempt to control him no matter how sympathetic he is to how you feel....anyone would. If 5 years hasn't taught you that he isn;t going to cheat it's unlikely that you will stop feeling insecure about this, but maybe you could learn to live with it? Keep busy while he's out, maybe see your girlfriends those evenings, or have a pampering evening that night at home so that when he gets home you are looking beautiful, smelling great and feeling relaxed? Hang on in there!
2006-11-27 19:26:35 · answer #6 · answered by nlj1520 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, having kids wont stop him from going out. Trust me. If anything, that would make him feel more "trapped" and make him want to break out more! And you are right to not want him going out, because when people drink they do things they normally wouldnt do otherwise. Dont fight your instincts, they are 100% right! i think its better for a relationship that both people agree not to go out to bars without the other, because if you think about it, why do people really go out? To SEE and to Be SEEN! Otherwise, people would just stay home and drink and/or play pool. Hey, maybe suggest that you get a pool table at your house and he can have his buddies over there!? i really hope it works out for you!
2006-11-27 19:34:17 · answer #7 · answered by EAT! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know it is hard but you just have to try very hard not to let it bother you try doing things on the same night as him going out so it takes your mind of it, if you both agree to go out on a particular night you could arrange nights out with the girls or join a class or something.
And don,t listen to certain people 5 years isn't a very long time and so what if he hasn't asked you to marry him like you say he lives with you and hasn't given you any reason to suspect him of cheating he sounds committed to me, just try and enjoy your relationship things will come into place at the right time not if he or you are pushed in to it
2006-11-27 19:22:32 · answer #8 · answered by Peachy Girl 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This sounds a bit like me and my wife in the early years. Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy, he obviously works and spends time with you - all men need a chance to get together with other men (ie without women) in the same way that women love having "girly" days out etc. Please give him a chance - like you say, he's not doing anything wrong. The worst case scenario is that you make him resentful of you for trying to "mother" him too much/displaying a lack of trust - negative reinforcement might just push him away from you. Take it easy and get out with the girls to compensate!
Take care
2006-11-27 19:09:19 · answer #9 · answered by Big Dave 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
your feeling insecure its quite a common thing have you had a past relationship that you have had someone cheat on you? your boyfriend is doing nothing wrong its good for him to have a night out with mates try having the occasional night out yourself with some friends...you have to start trusting him or it will effect your relationship....he comes back to you doesn't stop out he loves you and you have nothing to worry about try not to get so worked up over it if it makes you feel any better tell him you feel insecure sometimes above all else don't worry............
2006-11-27 19:33:00 · answer #10 · answered by pebbles 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋