We have been together for 6 and a half years. I know he has done some things with guys before. But recently he has been looking at gay porn online. How do I confront him, and what do I say. He told me when we first got together that he was done with men.
2006-11-27 18:55:50 · 18 answers · asked by living 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
If he confessed he'd done some things with guys before it's a pretty good sign that he's either gay or bisexual. Especially if he's done them multiple times.
It's a horrible and awful thing for you to have to deal with this situation. You have a right to be angry with him, but if you get super angry and only fight about the situation, I suspect he will either hide it more and it will be even more problems in the future.
Your best shot is to try to get him to be honest about it and not make him only defensive. Remember the goal is to get the truth so you can try to figure out what to do with your life and/or your relationship. The goal isn't only to get angry and make him hide things or deny them. He may even be having trouble admitting what is going on to himself. After you ask, going to counseling is a good idea so someone objective can help you BOTH work through things.
If he is gay, let me warn you that he probably won't change. Even if he loves you a lot, he probably won't change. Even if he really wants to change, he probably won't. The sooner that you accept this fact the better. Accepting this fact might mean that you will save yourself from wasting years of your life trying to change him.
If he's bisexual things are a little fuzzier. In either case, take it seriously and try to make the best decision you can. Go to counseling. Get outside help. Do your research. Be willing and strong enough to eventually make a hard decision if you have to.
For now, there isn't any easy way to approach it. Ask him about the things you wrote about and try not to be too combative and to get an honest answer--even if you don't want to hear it. You want to enable him to tell you the truth, the real deal of what is going on. You have a right to live a happy life and if your situation together won't allow you both to be happy then it's better to know now than in 20 or 30 years.
2006-11-27 20:09:47 · answer #1 · answered by postcibal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ah, miss lady, I think I answered this question, asked a different way. I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. I know it's hard, but you know what's next. First, it's the online pics, then it's the chat lines, then it's the secret hook-ups. You know the drill, apparently. Save yourself the added months/years of grief, that's not yours to feel or deal with, and cut your losses. Confronting him need not include anything more than a divorce decree and an amicable way of splitting the assets. It doesn't always have to end in pain and anger and bitterness. I mean, you know he's gay and he knows he gay. He's just pretending for reasons that aren't really his to feel or deal with--there is nothing he can do about his sexuality. I think your marriage, as heartfelt and true as it may have been at one time, was only a bandage for something both of you felt you lacked or needed. Let each other go while you still care about each other, esp. for the kids' sake.
2006-11-27 19:30:18 · answer #2 · answered by dangerouspoet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to him about it in a non confrontational way. You have every right to be concerned, as you need to know where you stand with your marriage You don't have to accuse him of anything. All you need to do is present the evidence you have and explain how you feel to him. Explain to him you're not putting him on the spot, but a marriage is all about honesty and communication. You both have the right to be happy whether topgether or apart. It is difficult, but good luck!
2006-11-27 19:03:00 · answer #3 · answered by waggy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Living, OH MY GOD!!!! You poor thing.I would just go up to him and ask him. Straight and forward. You have been marry for 6 and a half years,you deserver the truth if your marriage has been a lie alone. Really Sorry for Your Problem. A Friend.
Clowmy
2006-11-27 19:04:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! You do have a dilemma. Ask him when you know the time is right. Ask him in a way that he can opt out and return to his closet life style. I have never heard of one changing what turns them on. Pedophiles can't do it and neither can homosexuals. Don't wait until he contracts aids or hepatitis and brings it home to you. You should have yourself tested. To know will give you both a chance to start a new life. Wow, I'm very sorry and feel for you.
2006-11-27 19:09:54 · answer #5 · answered by DeeJay 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's see?
"Honey? would you happen to be gay?"
or
"Honey? can I look at that gay porn with you?"
ok .. maybe not the second one .. but the best way to know is to calmy asks why he is looking at gay porn..
2006-11-28 14:24:15 · answer #6 · answered by MapDark 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
discover yet another guy. in spite of everything, if he's gay, then he's clearly not likely to ever be chuffed with something you may desire to furnish. break up, break up, despite. unfastened him as much as be along with his male-friends. he's telling you this because of the fact he needs out of the relationship, so... enable him out! you're able to do greater advantageous besides.
2016-10-13 06:31:54 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If my wife ask me if I am gay I say yes I am gay and I love sucking on guys cocks and I love getting ****** in the a s s doggy style if she said if your gay show me that your gay in front of me I do that and I ask her not to divorce me and have a boyfriend and I share him with you and me
2017-02-15 09:40:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i would just go right up to him and say honey we need to take about are you thing about going back to be gay
2006-11-27 19:04:14 · answer #9 · answered by EVA J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's not gay...
He could be bi-sexual and just realy missing out on the cock action....
You could buy a strap on and see if that helps...
2006-11-27 19:00:51 · answer #10 · answered by CrazyCat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋