Difference in rules for my son when he is with me and when he is with ex.?

Question

Recently my ex wife and I had somewhat of a blowout. I had my son for a week and during the week he was sick and couldn't play outside. He's 10. Since he was indoors most of the week and I had to work part of the time I let him have several hours a day playing video games. When he went back to his mothers he pitched a fit. She only lets him have 30 minutes per day of video game or computer time. The question is: Should I limit his video time when he is with me to what she mandates. I'm looking for honest opinions from custodial parents on this issue. I don't just set him in front of the tv and leave him. 99% of the games we play together. I feel it is bonding time between us.

Video games are not the only thing I do with my son. Usually we are outside doing one thing or another when I have him. This was the first time I had ever let him have excessive video time. The ex says that what she says goes because she is his mother.

Answer 1

To be honest with you. You can only do the best job you can given your circumstances. Kids will always find something to 'balance' one parent off the other, unfortunately that is the way kids are. So, you can guarantee if it hadn't been the video game it would have been something else. The point is, you clearly care about your son's welfare and do what you can with him and I think that is fair enough. I always think video games should be rationed, but you have to examine what your realistic options are when you have to balance your time with other commitments. Don't beat yourself up about it, you clearly love your son and want the best for him and that will come through loud and clear. Unfortunately you and your ex are going to just have to take the fallout with your son moving from different living environments!

Answer 2

Ok, what ever you guys do dont argue in front of him I went through that when my parents split up, and dont bad mouth the other parent. Anyway the two of you parents should sit down and talk, decide on an appropriate time for game play. However I do agree with you that you should be able to spend your father/son time however you both want, wether it be video games or anything. That should be seperate from the other time alotted for games if it is video games you choose. That bonding is very important to a boy. But your son needs to understand that game time is for you two to bond And that he may not get that time at his mothers she may want to bond in a different way. Good luck

Answer 3

Well yes you should limit the time because it goes against her rules. How would you feel if she did something that went against your rules and caused your son to act out with you. Basically this situation make on of you look like a good guy and a bad guy in your sons eyes. And if you don't limit the time than your son will think he can get away with everything with you.
Playing video games isn't the only way to bond with your kid. Like me I have a son and we like to make up games like the what if game or we play hide and go seek. Come on you don't want your son to be a couch potato!
Both parents are equal and you both shoul respect the rule you two lay out for your son!

Answer 4

You can argue it's a special circumstance, but the truth of the matter is what does he see in it.

If he sees your allowing him to play video games as a freedom he doesn't have at home he's not seeing the way you are seeing it.

You can probably justify your allowing him to play the games, but he needs to understand why it was allowed, and so does your wife. And you need to find other ways to bond with him, like zoo trips, walks in the park, and other activities when he's not sick.

And, when he's sick, it is probably more appropriate for him to spend part of his day in bed, doing nothing more strenuous than reading.

Discuss this with your ex. You need to be together on this issue. Although you are no longer together as his parents, you are both still his parents.

Answer 5

Was this rule discussed prior to this incident? If not, then tell her to back off, as you can't read her mind, and it's not reasonable to expect him to bring the rulebook from her home.

It's not unreasonable to share the rules, but they have to be mutually agreed upon.

Yes, parenting continues after the divorce, so the two of you should come to consensus on the rules.

Her rule doesn't seem unreasonable, and there are many other things you and your son can do, so I suggest earning some ex-husband points and agree to this rule, or see if you can get a clarification, such as 30min/day on weekdays and maybe 60 minutes a day on weekends or during bad weather or illness.

The idea to read, or do other projects is an excellent idea, BTW.

Answer 6

He is a clever guy trying to play on both his parent's emotions (call it emotional blackmail - u c papa is so good he lets me have my way while mama is so bad .....) The kids play it all the time, by hook or by crook they try to have their way. Its in the survival instinct that they pick up as toddlers. The Answer is never complicated - its simple. U just have to be firm & tell ur ex-wife the same. Kids are quick to pick up the signal when the parents mean something.
eg:- How would u react if he said "I want to play with the Fire on the Gas-Stove in the kitchen cause mama let's me play with it". The answer would be "NO WAY". Get my point.

You can play all the games with him as much u/he wants. But he must learn that its only with u that he can play so many hours and at his mom's he can only play 30min. - Be firm with that.

I personally think 30min is way too low, atleast 1hour of gaming if he is so intrested. To boot up u need at least 5 Min......No?

Answer 7

My ex has our children every 2nd weekend and half of school holidays. In the time I have our children they follow my house rules and in the time he has our children they follow his house rules. We have an understanding and we do back each other up if our children try and play his rules against mine. There have been times I don't agree with what has happened ie Whilst staying with their Aunty (his sister) they were unsupervised at an outdoor hydro golf park. Our oldest is 10 and youngest is 5 so I was upset that they were dropped at the venue, along with their 7 year old cousin, by themselves. I said to them they were not allowed to go to hydro golf by themselves anymore. They told their dad and he said he would make sure it would never happen again. This is what I mean by an understanding. It makes all our lives so much easier. Good luck :)

Answer 8

as he was ill it doesnt seem too unreasonable for him to play that much but at the end of the day he is 10.not 3 and if he wanted something i assume he would say something,,is your ex something of a worrier? she may think you dont want to spend quality time with him but if this is not the case you should say so,the way i see it,at 10 yrs old he is coming up to the age where he can say 'this week' 'i dont want to go to dads',,it happens,if the child is bored,unhappy or just wants to see his friends he will say so and the only person missing out by not doing things with him,in the long run,is you!talk to your ex about how as boys/men,your bonding time is different than hers and it doesnt mean you dont want to spend time with him it just means you and he do things differently than they do together,she can always talk to him and if it is true he doesnt enjoy his time with you THEN it is something you can work on but if he is quite happy,,she should drop it and leave you and he to it.

Answer 9

for a time, my son was in foster care. talk about a strange set of rules? i bought my son a western capgun with a holster like a cowboy would have. foster parents took it away from him. eventually, i got custody of him. i agree that rules, when necessary, should be reasonably consistant. video game time should be limited but computer time? there are a bunch of illiterate kids out there and a world of knowledge to be learned from computer use. limit the game time but allow him to learn from other computer sites.

Answer 10

you and your ex need to sit down and put aside your differences....your son needs a steady set of rules in both households, try explaining to your ex about your bonding time with your son, maybe she will compromise....