how i forget & forgive my husband's infidelity?

Question

i have been married for 15 yrs. and have 6 yr old daughter. he has cheated me twice. his 2 affair was physical for which he blamed me thet i was not satisfying him.but the truth is he himself kept distance and used to sleep in other room afteer my delivery. he used to make excuse since baby was small he might hurt her while sleeping. i have some how forgive him for this. but the main problem is his 1 affair which he had with his ex which he continued upto 6 yr of our marriage. i am still not able to forget that episode even after so many yrs.i have slipped into depression and i cry whole day recalling incidents that happen 10-15 yrs ago. he call me mad . can some one help me? please

Answer 1

You need to do some soul searching and find out why you are staying with a man who treats you so bad. It could be that you have low self-esteem or maybe you had a rough childhood. Either way, you will need to do some work on yourself so you can gain the confidence to leave this man for good.

He doesn't respect you and he never will. In this short passage, you have told me that 1.) he won't sleep with you 2.) he cheats on you 3.) he calls you crazy. This does not sound like someone who is going to change at all unless you pull the plug and leave. He is not attracted to you because you let him walk all over you. Who wants that?

Meet with a psychologist or get some relationship books and DO EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO DO TO REGAIN YOUR CONFIDENCE AND LEAVE HIM. I mean it. You deserve so much more. Only then will you have even the shred of a chance of getting him back....crawling on his knees.

Answer 2

Firstly, you have nothing to forgive yourself for. Secondly, forgiving and forgetting don't necessarily go hand in hand. If something means a lot to you and it gets marred then you will never forget even if you can forgive. With remembering, it depends a lot on what it's about. If minor then remembering is just that and nothing else but, if remembering brings back all the hurt, anger etc. then I feel this will just fester away and it most probably will be the thin edge of the wedge. Whether you will ever trust him again is something only time will tell. Personally, I couldn't.

Answer 3

If you have decided to stay with him in spite of what he did. Then you should be willing to forgive and forget everything in the past related to it. Start anew and try to mend things instead of wallowing in it and crying. Being despondent and depressed will make it even worst. If you cannot forgive and forget, then you have to file for divorce and free yourself of unnecessary self castigation. It is your choice. But if I were you, i will give him one last chance. Put all things behind and start like nothing untoward happened. This is the only way that you can get back your married life.

Answer 4

The very first thing in your case is, is your husband still indulging in physical relation with some other lady? If yes then you have sufficient ground to move the family court for divorce on the basis of his living in adultery. What I can make out your marriage was solemnised under the Hindu Marriage Act,1955 where you get this ground under sec 13 of the Act. His previous infidelity cannot be taken as a ground for divorce now as you have already forgiven him for it. If you don't want to go for divorce then only solution left with you is to consult marriage counsellor along with your husband who can help you out. In such cases both husband & wife have to get matrimonial problems solved by counsellors.

Answer 5

My first suggestion is to get help from elders. Inform this fact to your and your husband's parents and let them involve.

Second thing to try to express your love infront of him as in the way he like it. Make hime feel that you are standing for Him and the family. Donot blame him but request to come back from the affair and let him know the importance of family. Thus he may come back from his affair.

If he is still adherant ot his affair let him... and do not bother not at all about his affair and behave as you don't know any thing about his affair.
His affair will not long more than 2yrs

Answer 6

Finally,I thought I was the only one who cannot forget and forgive.My husband cheated on me 3 years that I no of.What makes it worse she is so ugly and 10 years older then my husband and they work at the same company.It's been 10 years now .I still think about it all the time,a song comes on I think about it,if someone talks about anything that happened in that year I think about it,we could be watching a movie and thy talk about cheating I get so mad at him.If looks could kill he would be dead many many times over.I told my husband I will never forgive him for the lying and cheating and letting me believe that I was the reason he move out.And making me believe I wasn't a good wife when all along he knew I took good care of him. does any of this sound familiar.Don't let your husband make you feel bad about your feelings.He is the reason you feel this way.When I feel the rage coming on I get out my notebook and I let him have it.I call him every name I can think of and the ***** he fu(ked .I'm starting to get mad now just talking about it .One of these days I'll accidently put my notebook down where I no he will pick it up.and read it .If you haven't already started to write down your feeling about his affair I strongly reck amend it. GoodLuck remember theit isn't a set time on greving.

Answer 7

Leave him ..so simple !! let him do what he wants ? You should not broke down before him . be firm and courageous.
From now live your life . go out , make new friends , chat on the net , if you dnt work so what are you waiting for , take a job !!! The acr you had for him stop it . Just show him if he can resist so it the same for you too . Dont get depressed it will affected and also your child .
One more thing , make him feel what is your importance ?
Go for it .......... no more crying !! LIVE AND LET LIVE BUDDY .....

Answer 8

Why keep putting yourself through this crap with him? Throw him out, let him know this is not acceptable to you and he can say and use every excuse he wants but you're not buying any of it.

Answer 9

YOU SHOULD NEVER BE 2ND TO ANYONE!HE SHOULD BE TORCHARD JUST AS YOU HAVE BEEN,,,,,,GET UP AND GET OUT! IF HE THREATENS YOU THAT HE WILL TAKE THE CHILDREN PLAY HIM AND GIVE THEM TO HIM HE WILL GIVE THEM BACK!THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS YOU SHOULD DO AND THEN THERE ARE THE THINGS THAT YOUR GONNA DO. ASKING US I HOPE WILL GIVE YOU A LITTLE SELF ESTEAM . I HOPE YOU F### HIM JUST AS HE HAS DONE TO YOU (SORRY PMS IS COMING OUY OF ME : )
JUST GET UP BRUSH YOURSELF OFF, GET A JOB, AND SAVE $ $$$$$

Answer 10

Get a labotomy. That'll make you forget everything...