I love my man but he wont get a job!?

Question

i am very much in love with my boyfriend, this is the man i want to marry. when we first started dating he had everything together in his life: a good job, his own place, a car, money in savings etc. now after almost two years of being with him, he seems to have lost his confidence. he has a lot of experience, and excellent resume and he is very intelligent. he seems to be trying to get a job and says he is looking for one when were apart but sometimes i really think he is just sitting at home playing video games! i love him so much but times are getting tough because of his hesitance, how do i help him to find a job without pushing too hard?

Answer 1

Girl you need to push him really hard. In the bible it says a man who does not work does not eat. And there is nothing worse than an lazy man. If he is not going to get a job, you need to leave him alone and quick. God bless*********************

Answer 2

You may be in love with your boyfriend, but if he is not going to get a job then how do you expect him to support you and your future family.
You cannot live on love, it helps but you have to have some kind of income to put the food on the table, pay rent, utilities, clothes,and other things that you need in life.
I have never made my wife work through out our marriage but that is my fault as well.
I have worked as many as three to four part time jobs to support my family because I know how it feels not to have anything and I hope that you do not have to do that.
Good Luck

Answer 3

MAN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM... HE IS PLAYING GAMES WHEN HE SHOULD BE OUT THERE GETTING A JOB. YOU ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TELL HIM ABOUT THIS.... YOU SAY TO HIM THIS IS WHAT I SEE EVERYDAY AND I DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE BEING WITH SOMEONE WHO DO NOT FEEL THE NEED OF WORKING... HOW CAN YOU SURVIVE LIKE THIS?? ALSO YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING ON HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM AND START THINKING ON HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR SELF.. IF HE GETS WORST AND REFUSED TO GET A JOB THIS MEANS HE IS NOT COMMITED TO THIS RELATIONSHIP AND THE BEST THING FOR YOU IS MOVE ON.. BECAUSE LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH.GOOD LUCK.

Answer 4

A lazy man who doesn't want to find a job or work is not worth loving or marrying.

Answer 5

Sit down and talk to him about it without being acusatory or judgemental. But it's really important to speak with him about it. Obviously he is unable to realize this is deeply effecting the relationship. He also isn't being sensitive to your needs or being responsible. He is hurting you, it isn't just effecting him. Before you even think about marrying him this needs to be resolved. After all if he isn't interested in providing for you how much does he really love and respect you??? I believe someones ability to hurt or negatively effect their well being is directly linked to how much you care about someone.

The other thing is could he be bi polar? Does he have extreme highs and lows? It almost reminds me of this type of attitude and lack of focus. If so he needs to be evaluated. He might also be depressed, it's a chemical imbalance not a weakness and if this is the problem he won't just snap out of it.

It sounds to me like you are enabling the behavior by supporting him financially. Why should he be motivated to work if you are covering the basics and providing. Don't give him money, don't allow him to spend your hard earned money on new video games or rentals. Just say right now that isn't a priority because we don't need _____. Or it wouldn't be wise to spend the money on that new game when we don't have any emergency reserves in the savings account. Or because we have gone through our entire savings replacing what we've spent needs to come first. or we can't buy _________________ when such and such bill needs to be paid.

if there are bills you can't pay because he isn't working you need say things like how on earth are you going to be able to pay for this ________________.

If this behavior of his continues and he continues to behave this way I think you need to move on because he obviously is using you. What are you going to do if he does this when you have kids? Or if you weren't able to work due to illness or lost your job. His behavior is selfish and immature.

You need to ask yourself how long this is going to go on before you start feeling resentment? If he truly respects you and values the relationship he wouldn't be putting you in this position in the first place. It doesn't sound like he even sees a problem with it.
That in itself is a concern. Why does he think it's okay to mooch off of you? He is almost putting you into a parent/child scenario.

Perhaps a life coach could help him and his confidence? Whatever it is the longer you let it go on the worse it will get. You need to set up some boundaries to protect yourself. It sounds like a very codependent relationship, you are enabling his behavior and until you stop enabling him he won't see the errors of his ways.
Good Luck, this has to be so difficult for you.

Here are basic rules for fair fighting:
No physical violence or emotional abuse while talking/fighting.
No name calling or cussing out the other person.
Stick to the topic of contention. No bringing up the past, unless that’s the topic.
Avoid lying and exaggerating as in “You always......” or “You never......” or “I’m the only one who ever......”. Statements such as these are useless untruths and do little to enhance problem solving.
No walking or running out of the fight. If you need a break because you’re getting too emotional to think clearly and remember the fair rules of fighting, ask for a break and agree when the fight will resume. You do not have to say this relationship is over or ask for a divorce just to take a time-out.
No ultimatums or threats. The point of fair fighting is not to win but to struggle with your partner until you can come to win/win solutions or compromises. In the meantime enjoy sparing with the other person and sharpening both of your abilities to stay afloat in the world of human realities.
http://www.healthyboundaries.com/

Answer 6

If you want to marry this man, ask yourself this: do you also want to support him for the rest of your life? No, therefore tell him to get up and get a job, period! It is not your sole responsibility to finance his life too. Good luck!

Answer 7

ok if he wont work ship him out. if you are doing it all on your own you might as well be alone. besides that would give you more in the end more money and a better chance of finding a man that is good

Answer 8

u are going to have to confront him eventaully, as u will begin to get sick and tired of him after awhile. so best to tell him how u feel, and if u end up loosing him than he wasn't worth it anyway. if u want to marry him he needs to pull his weight, if u have financial troubles now, they will only get worse. don't marry a man who u can't rely on, who refuses to go to work, just a sign of immaturity and laziness.

Answer 9

i'm sorry to take heed to which you're dealing with plenty emotional torment impressive now... usually I merely troll those questions, yet yours exchange into heartfelt and trustworthy and there is not any way i will -no longer- answer you. My substantial thesis for you however, is which you're able to prioritize. is this guy's love particularly worth each and all the crap you're dealing with? permit me permit you realize my journey with people who've drug issues -- the medicine will continuously take priority over you. continuously. So do no longer fool your self into thinking which you will ever be #a million jointly as he's a doper, AIN'T gonna take place. i've got watched too a lot of my very own own relationships fall apart to acquaintances who positioned me in 2d place to their addictions. once you're pleased with being 2d, then stay with him. 2d, 3 childrens? He can get away with being that irresponsible and shelter 3 childrens? additionally, 3 childrens and not marrried impressive? (permit's desire so, on your sake) -- could be yet another purple flag in this guy. it particularly is yet another sign that he's have been given some very skewed priorities, usually a baby or 2 indicators a guy to take can charge of his existence and alter into to blame, yet for sure this has no longer labored in his case. childrens are 2d place to his habit -- back, the place does this positioned you? additionally, the intercourse area, you realize, you're 23, you nonetheless have yet another 10 to fifteen years to bypass until eventually now you hit your sexual top. I assure you will have merely as solid of intercourse with somebody else, if no longer extra effective. So, my words of advice to you (as yet another guy, and as somebody who's dealt with drug addicted human beings), once you're ok being in 2d place and being omitted, and once you're pleased with being walked throughout, then by all potential, stay with this guy -- yet make no mistake, he's in no way going to alter. He did no longer exchange for his childrens, why would he exchange for you? you're merely yet another vag. to him.

Answer 10

Find a job for him