Can I ever?

Question

My cousin was dating this guy and the whole time me and him liked each other you know how you like someone you can't have...nothin happened between us....anyways they broke up and he calls me and tells me that they broke up and he wanted us to give it a try...so i called my cousin to get her opinion(he already talked to her about it) and she said she found somebody else and to go ahead...so me and him got together..he was over here tonight....and i didn't feel that spark you know what i'm talking about...its like now i got him...and now i don't really want him...but he's saying how much he likes me and wants to be the father figure in my little girls life....Will i ever get them feelings for him back...what can i do to get them back...and if i don't get them back how would i break it off without really hurting him?

Thanks
<3 Charlene

and why did the feelings leave?

Answer 1

Hey Charlene Give love a chance,you probably feel odd because you knew each other under different circumstances. He is the same dude you thought was great. Anyway give it a couple of week then decide.
good luck you sound like an honest person.

Answer 2

Let me say first that it was honorable to check with your cousin first because of that unspoken, unwritten rule girls have. Kudos to you. But just think about this. He was taken, you crushed. He became available, you were honorable. You got together, no sparks. He has decided he wants you, you aren't sure anymore. And the kicker, you have two little girls who are depending on you to make good choices that will affect them forever. I think you are giving away your personal power to just let HIM make the decision. It sounds like you are willing to try this relationship to see if the spark comes back. Make the decision based on being the honorable, loving, mother and woman you truly are. You already know the spark was because you couldn't have him. There is no way to break it off without hurting him in some way. That's just life. Honey, there is someone out there who YOU can choose for much better reasons. Take your power back and BE the right woman. THEN, the right man will show up.

Answer 3

Slow down. Tell him you like him, but you're not yet sure how much - and you need to be sure before he becomes a significant figure in the lives of your children. Then, get a babysitter and let him take you out for a casual evening somewhere where you can feel comfortable just chatting about your lives - either you'll start flirting and getting those feelings back, or you won't. If you don't, you need to tell him that you just can't see him in a romantic way. Honesty, while sometimes a little painful, is always better than trying to find an excuse that he is likely to see through or discover later.

Answer 4

The reason the spark is gone is because there never was a real spark to begin with. You only wanted him because you couldn't have him.

How to tell him to take a hike is a little more sensitive however. Just be straight forward and tell him "I thought that I really liked you before, but now that I have had a chance to get to know you without other's influencing my opinion, I just don't feel the same way you do."

Answer 5

I had something kind of like this with my second boyfriend. It was like before we became a couple I really like him, like crazy liked him. As a friend, and as more than a friend. But when we got together, it really went nowhere. The first week or so was fun but then things just seemed to kind of die down and it was boring. I wanted to start avoiding him, and it wasn't his fault and all it was nothing he did wrong. It seems like you may have been more in love or entrapped by the idea of not having him, like I was with my second boyfriend. I didn't think I would have him, so of course I thought about him more and was completely infatuated with him. But then when I could have him it was like... nothing. I kept it going for about a month but I couldn't keep it going any longer. I felt almost guilty for leading him on, and I decided I had to break up with him because if I didn't I would infact be leading him on. I decided the sooner the better, I should continue to lie to him, making him think I really like him and have him get really serious. I don't think there is a way to break up with someone without hurting their feelings. I mean there are emotions tied in so it is hard, of course he will be hurt at first but everyone gets over it. My only suggestions are to tell him to his face, and let him be the first one to know you are breaking it off with him. But I can't say your case will be or is exactly like mine, maybe wait a day or two, see how things play out.

Answer 6

no i dont think the excitment is there anymore and alot of girls go threw this they like the thaught of competing and like the thaught of a challenge of getting what they arent supose to have. but i am very glad to hear that you waited and didnt act out on your feelings. and you waited to check with your cousin first women should be like you. alot of women usually arent like that they just go for what they want and care about nothing else

Answer 7

i really dont think u are going to get a spark due to the fact u wanted him when u couldnt have him and know that u have him u dont want him cause deep down inside u think your cousin will hate u cause it was her exboyfriend rember family always comes first

Answer 8

if the feeling is not there in the beginning then the feeling will never be there..I have been married for 24 years and the excitement must be there for you to be able to make it in the long run.....TRUTH IS THE BEST ANSWER ALWAYS..

Answer 9

if you dont get the spark back, there aint no way to not hurt him. Just gotta tell him.

Answer 10

Tell him that even though your cousin said it was okay to date him, morally, you just can't. It's wrong.