I have a long time friend, who constantly and intentionally falls "in love" with men who are openly gay, or in the most recent case "privately gay" to other people but not her (he uses her to take home to families). I meet most of these guys who she adores, who are great, smart and fun men, BUT... they dont have an interest in a romantic relationship with her for obvious reasons.
The recent one uses her to take home to his family, as well as uses her for money. He invites his male "Friend" over to stay at her apartment (the two guys live on the other side of the country).
I'm tired of it... do you think she should get counselling? How do I convince her, that the reason she hasn't had a boyfriend, is because she's too scared to date someone who's straight? She's 25 and never been in a relationship. She's really tall, kind of chubby and awkward. How can I help or support her? (without freaking out on her and this abuse).
2006-11-27 14:45:17 · 8 answers · asked by rocksnobb 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
She probably falls for them because there isn't a chance of
any kind of real intimacy. It also sounds as though she might have a fear of sexual intimacy. It would not surprise me if she's been sexually abused in the past. I would just listen and be there for her, you can't change her, but you can be there when she needs you. It sounds like you're a good friend to her but you don't want to run the risk of turning your relationship sour. She might perceive your caring as meddling.
2006-11-27 15:08:22 · answer #1 · answered by manbearpig 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless she wants to see what she lacks romantically in her life, you telling her or handing her a therapist's card isn't going to help. She's in willful denial of the fact, obviously, since she chooses to be in these unrequited relationships. Perhaps there are some real things about heterosexual dating that scare the bejesus out of her (date rape, judgement on her size, height, whatever). A friend would try to build her self-esteem by not only making her see the reality of these friendships she's building (how they damage her emotionally, and financially), but making her see the reality of who she is (a not-so bad girl, who won't ever get bunions for having to wear high heels). It's okay to be awkward, it's okay to be 25 and never in a relationship. Have you, as her long time friend, told her this? You, above anyone, is in the most excellent position to change her mind about everything--how committed to her as a friend are you, because it'll take time, compassion and unconditional love. Because I believe just knowing that she doesn't have to give so much of her self to get anything back would go a long way in helping her realize that she's a valuable commodity--someone has to earn her love, trust (and money, if that's part of her need to show care). Start there--show her that it's not what she gives to her friends that should make her special to them, it's who she is.
2006-11-27 14:55:29 · answer #2 · answered by dangerouspoet 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you think it's your job to convince her why she doesn't have a boyfriend? Perhaps she is gay as well, and uses those men as a cover.
If you want to help her, go out with her to single's social occasions that are low pressure, like church events, or bowling, or fund raisers - so she can expand her circle of friends - and then have more to choose from.
I don't think her height, weight, or awkwardness is an issue at all.
2006-11-27 14:48:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
why don't you introduce her to some straight guys. She may be a 'hag', however, so don't hold your breath. Do what you think is right, but don't put your friend into an awkward position.
2006-11-27 14:51:03 · answer #4 · answered by great gig in the sky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always wear a condom, not because Im trying to protect her because I know where I heav been. I dont want to get her pregnant and I dont know if she has an STD or not.
2016-03-13 00:00:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you give her good advises and discourage her about her being in love of gays until she will lost interest on them and learn to fall in love with true men who will give her the necessary future life
2006-11-27 14:52:25 · answer #6 · answered by Jesus M 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Who can begin to understand the repugnant nature of Gay Homosexual Pedophile behavior ... except that these individuals perverted and sick have one Heck of an Agenda to legitimize their sexual preference and promote it and practice it at all costs !! NAMBLA membership anyone?
2006-11-27 14:54:12 · answer #7 · answered by baltic072 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
looks like you're missing the writing on the wall....try to convince him to move to Iraq.
2006-11-27 14:50:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋