I met my boyfriend 10 years ago, I was hot and young, he was young. It was at a bar, I was dancing with my shirt off and he approached me. I was 28 and he was 18. He came home with me and we had sex. I didn't want a relationship because I had just gotten out of a relationship. 2 yrs later we met again and had another one night stand. He wanted a relationship but I still wasn't ready for a relationship. 4 yrs ago I met him again at a bar. I've always liked him and this time I was ready for a relationship. I started dating him and he moved in with me. He and I have been attracted to each other for almost 10 yrs. When he moved In I didn't know he was addicted to drugs. When I found Out I kicked him out. (I've done drugs but wasn't addicted) we got back to gether because we still loved each other. But drugs started controlling his life and I on the other had gave up my bar life and focused on real life and my job. I spent 2 years supporting his drug habbit until the police
2006-11-27 14:42:02 · 11 answers · asked by TRACER 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
until the police broke in our door and grabbed him again. I know he Loves me, he has been chasing me for 10 yrs. But he has been away for 2 yrs. I know I love him because he has always been there for me (when he is around) I could go out and get anyone I want. But I want just him. Do you think I am worring too much about him not calling me? Or is He someone's ***** and has lost his feelings for me. When he does call He is sweet and caring and can't wait until I see him. I just can't understand why he doesn't call. If he is seeing someone else then that makes sense. Do you think that when he comes homes his feeling will be for just me then?
2006-11-27 14:46:11 · update #1
by the way he is bi-polar. and he is okay when he is on his meds.
2006-11-27 14:51:22 · update #2
Really, I was serious about the co-dependence thing. Call a place that helps people who are addicted to drugs, they would probably have some pamphlets about co-dependence that you could read. I work with drug addicts, and the people who love them don't know how to have a relationship that does not include drugs. This is normal for a relationship with an addict.
Really, contact a professional. You need help.
Best of luck.
2006-11-27 14:46:32 · answer #1 · answered by the guru 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Only take him back after he goes through a program, and is clean for well over a year. Please don't become a co-dependent! This is how it starts. You make accommodations here and there, then soon all of your money, time, energy, is spent thinking about what he is doing all the time and you loose yourself in the process... Take the emotion out of it for a time, and give him tough love. It's hard, but it is the only way. Love can't flourish where drugs are. There is no relationship when you are dealing with someone who is actively using. You will only get more and more drama that takes you away from your goal of being in a loving relationship if you stay together while drugs are in the picture.
You really are in danger of becoming co-dependent... You are making all sorts of excuses for him. STOP!!! Read your two paragraphs again. Does it wear you out? Have you had enough? Because that's what is going to continue if you stay together while he is using. Again, tell him to get to a program, and say goodbye for at least 1 year. Tell him, your way or the highway!!!
Much love and support... feel free to email me if you need a more personal advice...
Love,
Gregory
2006-11-27 22:54:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are not the good samaritan peace corp, you are not a knight in white shining armor. You are you. You are taking on a job that will be the ruin of you, for this guy doesn't want help, he want a free ride. If that is what you are into, go for it. You keep asking the same questions in different ways, but the answers are the same...Mess with this one and it will be YOU who next gets hooked on the drugs, whether you think it or not. I would think that police beating down your door once would be enough. What in the world are you thinking of? You cannot save those who will not save themselves. You need to go to Al Anon NOW! You are enabling him to do whatever he wants to do in life, and you are shielding him from the consequences of his choices. NOT a very good thing to do to someone. It is time for some tough love on both your parts. With you, straighten up you act, ditch the guy, and get on with your life. .... I don't care how much it hurts, it will be worse if you take him back. Been there and done that..the results were not very good.
2006-11-27 23:37:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love works, only when it is mutual. It exists when there is consistent work and compromise to keep a relationship strong. You love him, I understand. And thus you have proved this, by trying to help and being there for him.
But then, all your efforts have been wasted, since he, is not willing to help himself. He already has your support, but he does not want to support himself. I know this is difficult, but then both of you have to make decisions. He should decide whether he still wants to do drugs or not and you have to decide whether to stay with him or not. Your love is great, for it is unselfish, but a relationship works two-ways. What if you weren't there to help him? Will he be able to stand on his own?
The purpose of a relationship is to build and strengthen two individuals. You have done your part, but has he done his?
I apologize if I sound too harsh, but I honestly wish you to help yourself. Think about it.
Take care and goodluck.
2006-11-27 23:29:14 · answer #4 · answered by thebatman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bi-Polar,drugs,police kicking in your door,he calls only when he needs a fix and can't afford it or when he can't get anyone else,and you think this is love man you've got a mess!
I'd strongly suggest visiting your doctor for a checkup.
You're (according to your math) 38 surely you re not that naive.
2006-11-28 04:21:24 · answer #5 · answered by boutgivup 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not gonna like this, but it's the truth...
He did love you, but he loves the drugs more. He wouldn't have violated his probation if he loved you more than the drugs.
I'm not saying it can't work out, but he has to make the decision to love you more than the drugs, and you have to make the decision to love yourself more than him. If it were me, I would try to make it work out with some rules that say if you find out that he is using drugs even once then you will leave him. He has had is second chance and blew it, so IF you give him a third chance he should know that it is the last chance that he gets with you.
2006-11-27 22:55:17 · answer #6 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I've given my answer . . . all the rest of the background information doesn't change it, for me.
2006-11-27 22:47:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH PLEASE, just stop enabling him to do his drug that is all u are doing just move on and let him find some one else to support him....
2006-11-27 23:08:57 · answer #8 · answered by djonecat@yahoo.com 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Are you describing your life or a plot on Queer as Folk?
2006-11-27 22:45:12 · answer #9 · answered by Bean counter 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
So, what's your question?
2006-11-27 22:44:04 · answer #10 · answered by ladyw900ldriver 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋