My husband watches porn when he's out of the country on business trips or when I am not around, is that normal

Question

My husband just got his new job 6 months ago in Singapore and automatically we moved there. His job requires him to go on business trip a lot. Recently I caught a rare activity on our creditcard bills. Being a computer literate, I browsed and searched the brands and names listed on the statements. There were names shown a lot on the statements and when I searched for it on the computer it turned out to be a live chat with adult cam, it was like some sort of porno services. When I asked him about it, he admitted to it. I was so upset about it, but it wasn't the porn watching I was upset about. A long time ago, he once told me that a married guy who was looking for any sort of porn on the net was not happy with his marriage. My concerned about it was with what he said and what he had done when I was not around and thought to myself that he wasn't happy with me. He said he was trully sorry for disappointing me and he said he still loves me so very much. Is that ok?

We have great sex life for the past 4 years and never thought he would do such thing. I have already forgiven him, but it's hard to let go and forget about what he has done.

Answer 1

He sounds like an honest guy. If he's away a lot on business and not with you at home, it's not a matter of being dissatisfied with you. It's just a matter of lack of opportunity! So porn is a relatively fun subsititute when the real thing isn't available.

Try not to worry. His previous comments about porn being for marriages that were unhappy were a mistake. He was wrong about that, so don't hold him to it. He's not unhappy with you, and he doesn't wish he had other women instead of you. He just likes...women! Women in general, not just you. Don't panic, though. It's only natural for him to be attracted to other women, too. But he's not comparing you to them. It's the other way around actually. Other women might be virtually "perfect" in appearance, but even so, your husband is still sitting there wishing you were there with him.

Get yourself a webcam. Dig out some sex toys and some sexy lingerie and make him his own personal porn flick starring you. Or try doing a live webcam session with him some night. Add yourself to his messenger client (Yahoo? MSN? AIM? ICQ?) and meet him online. Sort of the equivalent of donning a wig and meeting him in a bar pretending to be strangers. Take your time to set up the background so he doesn't recognize it. Wear a mask, or only show yourself from the neck down. Disguise any identifying features. Wear something new that he won't recognize. See how long it takes him to realize it's you. ;) What fun!

When he's home, try watching some porn with him. Find stuff that you both find interesting and provocative. Try watching his type, and also try watching your type. Talk to one another about what you liked or didn't like about it. The best cure is good old fashioned conversation. Just stay calm and objective, and talk as though you were talking to anonymous strangers like us. Notice how easy it is to sum up the problem for complete strangers?:

" I was so upset about it, but it wasn't the porn watching I was upset about. A long time ago, he once told me that a married guy who was looking for any sort of porn on the net was not happy with his marriage. My concerned about it was with what he said and what he had done when I was not around and thought to myself that he wasn't happy with me. "

See? Not so hard. Just talk to him the same way you talk to us. Don't accuse, don't be defensive. Just talk. :) Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

There are 2 things Porn and live chat.
Porn is fake no one is on the other end answering you, no feelings involved.
Live chat, feeling can get involved as you are talking to someone.

Don't forgive and forget. Forgive and figure out how to incorporate yourself in his behavior.
You guys watch porn together at home? If not try it once in a while so it does not have an extra appeal for him as it is 'forbidden.' Do the live chat with him also, so you know how involved it is. I would kind of try to avoid the live chat it is bordeline prostitute.

Also, ask him about the whole are you unhappy with your marriage thing, nicely not confrontational sometimes guys say stupid stuff and don't remember.

How often did he watch those porn movies / live chats?
If it is every night of the traveling then it is getting expensive. Is he addicted also, is the live chat only with one girl.

There are many lines that you can set of what is acceptable behavior: like amount that is being spent on porn, how often, in what setting, with who (only one person repetadely in the live chat?).

Set the parameters for yourself and him, together and try to include some of it in your relationship.

Answer 3

No, but it can be. he admitted it and was honest with you. We grow and come to think differently as we go into new situations. he may now realize that there are other reasons men would do that besides not being happy in the marriage. We all make mistakes and are sorry and need forgivness. If you believe he is sincere and want to stay with him, forgive him and let him know you have forgiven him and why. Then you will have to let it go completely like it never happened. Pray for him.

Answer 4

Is it ok with you is the question. He has moved and now he is looking at porn. Or at least this is what you know of. Hmm, your call! Your husband. Singapore is like a live sexual show on every street corner. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 5

it's not o.k. look at what this has done to you. it's hurt you and disappointed you, and I'm sure you don't feel that you can trust him. I wouldn't feel I could trust him either. and your sex life has nothing to do with the choice he made to do whatever it is that he's done. this is not your fault. you didn't do anything wrong. he's the one with the problem. he needs to give up the porn and whatever else he's been doing or lose you. he can't have both and you need to tell him that.

Answer 6

let it go sweetheart let it go. a normal man who is on the road a lot will get board when he is sitting in the hotel room all alone. he act out certain fantasies via porno ,football or whatever. when he is home and in your arms he loves just you. been there done that. still married and still in love

Answer 7

HMM yes..... Confucios say " you have great sex life because of his porn addiction. Where else is he going to lear how to make it wild?

Answer 8

Truth be told, if he's restricting his activities to the Internet while he's gone, be thankful; most men do much more.

Answer 9

honey as much sex as me n my hubby has..ud think he wouldnt watch porn. but ya know he does but not with me around. and i know he has wacked one out while i was gone, oh ya he has told me so. girl thats a man for ya. could be worse he could be cheatin. but if he wants u to do what they do..thats up to u..i told mine hell honey u aint got enough money to pay me to do all that nasty crap. and trust me he got money.