I am a widow and I married a wonderful man (also a widower) . This will be our first Christmas together. We have opted to celebrate Christmas on Christmas day this year with any of our 7 children that will be able to join us. One of my stepsons is married to a woman that has caused my husband and I grief ever since we married. She has treated us awful and has been very bold in letting us know that she did not approve of her father-in-law marrying again. She is insisting that they come over and celebrate Christmas with us a week before Christmas so that they can spend quality time with my husband without any of the other kids around. They have been to visit one other time the past 10 months. I explained that we were extremely busy that weekend and still received an email from her stating they would be here. Am I wrong in replying that I am sorry they can not make Christmas, but the weekend before is not an option. Should I be expected to accommodate each family individually?
2006-11-27 14:25:04 · 12 answers · asked by Stressed stepmom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I don't think you are wrong. She probably just wants to come to ruin your holiday anyway. Why hasn't your husband told her to shut the f**k up and that it's none of her business whom he marries. Tell her she can come when everyone else does or not to come at all. You set aside a date for the family to get together, don't go re-arranging you life to accomodate anyone.
2006-11-27 14:33:47 · answer #1 · answered by bellbottombleus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you and your husband need to decide together what you can and cannot do, and then, with your husband taking the lead, speak directly and firmly, but gently, to both the son and his wife. At that time you need to make clear that there are 7 children and their families that you need to consider, and only 2 of you. The week before Christmas you are very busy making preparations for the big family celebration the following weekend, and you are hoping that they can join you. If not, you will of course be happy to see them a week earlier, but won't be able to spare more than an hour or so to be with them. You need to further tell them to think of the big Christmas not as a loss of special time with your husband, but as a special opportunity to spend time with their expanded family. Good luck!
2006-11-27 14:48:13 · answer #2 · answered by Hound Dawg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her that Christmas is for all the family to be togehter, which include everyone else too, not just them. I would also tell her that your sorry that she does not approve of you and her father in-law being married, but its just too bad. You guys love each other and they should be happy for him. Is the son saying anything or is it just her? If its just her, maybe your husband should call her and tell her a thing or two, in a nice way of course! I really dont see why she thinks its any of her business who her father in-laws marrys. I do believe he is old enough to make his own decisions. This woman sounds like a major control freak, and she needs to be told how it is. I wish you luck, and I hope my answer helped you!
2006-11-27 14:35:25 · answer #3 · answered by Indymom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not!
If your husband feels that much frustration about her and the situation, then stick to your guns. Even though on some level you love them, you can't allow someone like that to take control over what you and your husband decide. If she's unwilling to come at a time that is somewhat "pleasing" then to everyone involved, then she'll have to deal with it. If you let her walk over you once, she do it time and time again. To make you not be the bad guy, do offer maybe other times that would be more convenient for you if she can't make the other time.
2006-11-27 14:32:37 · answer #4 · answered by JH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This woman is being selfish and rude. You are not obligated to entertain her as a guest if it is not convenient for you to do so. Tell her you are sorry but you will not be available that weekend. If you want, suggest another time for her to come. Or, if she wants some "quality time" with your husband, maybe she should extend the invitation. Under no circumstances, let her dictate what you should do in your own home and with your own time.
2006-11-27 15:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by hiptyhp@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not supposed to accommodate the kids. You are doing the right thing. Don't let them control your life in anyway. And if they show up anyway, don't let them in. Sounds cold and hard I'm sure but if you let them get by with one thing they'll think they can control every aspect of your lives. Sounds like the daughter in law in a real control freak, STAND YOUR GROUND and Good Luck.
2006-11-27 14:32:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your step son's wife sounds like she always wants to run the show and no matter what you do in a situation like this, she will still find fault. Discuss it with your spouse, make the decision together and let the woman fume over the conclusion, because she will. She sounds like a control freak and someone who thinks you have no minds of your own.
2006-11-27 14:30:59 · answer #7 · answered by Tek ~aka~Legs! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you should not. if they cant respect you and your husband then dont let them come at all. i would put that daughter-in-law in her place and tell her that everyone needs to come at the same time.tell her that you will not show any favortism. your husband and you may spend your christmas alone but who wants to spend it with fighting kids.tell her you and your husband are the boss of your house and that you have other plans.dont be afraid to stand up for yourself. you and your husband deserve better treatment than that.
2006-11-27 14:42:40 · answer #8 · answered by jbearbooboo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE NOT a wicked strepmother. Stand your ground and stick to your plans. Enjoy the family members on Christmas Day who can make it and the ones who can't come, OH WELL ! ! ! ! ! Be the woman of your house.
2006-11-27 14:35:13 · answer #9 · answered by Neetaa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a wicked step-mother. I would do exactly as you said. Going by her history, she is just trying to make things difficult for you. I would not allow her to do that. Life is difficult enough. Just cover yourself with the other kids as she is likley to use your "denial" as ammo against you in winning them to her side. I feel for you. Thank God it's just one of them, huh? LOL
2006-11-27 14:38:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋