Can you write a humorous paragraph that includes, but is not limited by, these random phrases?

Question

1. it was about the same time that Mama's old sow had that record litter of pigs
2. without them mangy chin whiskers
3. ordinarily I wouldn't mind
4. well...if you say so
5. now HE'S a gentleman
6. STELLLLLLLAAAAAAA !!

Answer 1

"STELLLLLAAAAAAAAAA!!" yelled my ol' pop. It was his first day without them mangy chin whiskers an' he wanted my dear ma to see. Ordinarily, I wouldnt mind, but today was a different day. My dear ol' cow, Bessie, had died in the early morn. It was about the same time that Mama's old sow had that record litter of pigs. Life and death, it says it all in the bible. My pa doesn't know it, but I found out that he killed my Bessie. I saw his axe in the barn when I went to clean out the man-yure. His girlfriend that he's cheating on ma with wanted to do it, but now HE's a gentleman and he did the yeller-bellied deed himself. I told my ma and she told me to go up to pa and talk about it. "Well ... if you say so," I said. So now I'm walkin' up to my dear ol' pa without them mangy chin whiskers. Ordinarily, I wouldnt mind. But today was a different day.

Answer 2

It was about the same time that Mama's old sow had that record litter of pigs. Ordinarily I wouldn't mind, but without them mangy chin whiskers, i am just a STELLLLLLLAAAAAAA !!. Most people say "now HE'S a gentleman" when i open the door for ladys. But there are the one in afew that will say "well...if you say so"

Answer 3

STELLLLLLLAAAAAAA !!, I says. Where's 'em pigs? Ordinarily, I wouldn't mind if'n they was outta eyesight. But, bein' as it was about the same time that Mama's old sow had that record litter of pigs, AND Stella was without them mangy chin whiskers, I hadda figure she was a scoutin' a date. I found Stella in the hog house, and all's I heard was "now he's a gentleman". I says, "Well...if you say so", but he sure don't smell so good.

Answer 4

Nah, that's a hard one, Bubba. LOL