am i just coping with it after 2 years or did i forgot about my father?
i do remeber him every once and a while but my mom is blaming me for letting go, did i let go? and for how long should i grieve? i was very divestated the first year.. should i feel guilty about this?
2006-11-27 13:36:24 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I am sure you have not forgotten your father .It sounds like your grieving process is complete. There will always be incidents or occasions that will make you think of him. My father passed away 23 years ago and although I don't think about him constantly I will never forget him.
2006-11-27 13:40:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not at all....its your mother who needs to let go. You havent forgotten your father, but you have put the situation in its place and are moving on with your life. It is very healthy and is where your mother should be heading. I adored my father, and I have only ever visited his grave twice in 30 years. I dont really care what other people think because what is the use of visiting his grave if he is not there. I believe in the spiritual, and the body is only the vehicle our soul moves around in. The body rusts and dies, but the soul is for ever. My father is always with me...in my heart and my head. I dont think about him every day of my life. I just know hes around somewhere. It made me accept his death quite easily actually. I am not a cold person, I just have a very healthy attitude where death is concerned....and lets face it, everyone dies, but does that mean the living have to die as well. Life is for living....your father wouldnt want you to stop living, and I am sure he is looking from wherever being sad that your mother wont let go and move on...he wouldnt want that for her either. He would be happy you are moving on and living your life. Your mother should be too. I think it is right you let go....you havent forgotton him, but you have let go of the grief, and that is all you have let go of. Your mother hasnt let go of the grief and she needs to. She should not be wanting you to feel the way she is feeling. It is totally different the relationship between a wife/husband as apposed to a daughter/father....they are two different types of love. A child will grow up with their parents guidance......they were born to move on and find a husband and have children of their own. A wife, however, is the spouses partner.....they are partners in life, they share everything...the good and the bad times....they have an intimacy that doesnt exist with a child/parent relationship. She is just reacting out of her own grief. You are not wrong by moving on with your life. Your mother is grieving because she has lost her mate. She has to understand that it has to be totally different to the way a child grieves. Maybe you could suggest to your mother that she needs to see a grief counsellor who could explain what I am explaining to you. Maybe she would understand more about the grieving process if she could talk to someone who is experienced in these things. Please do not feel guilty for the way your mother is feeling....just assure her that you havent forgotten your father and that you will always love him, but you cant grieve forever and that you need to rejoin life again because you need to feel happy again.
I wish you all the very best in the world....Live life the way it was meant to be lived and find as much happiness as you possibly can.....its what your father would have wanted.
2006-11-27 21:53:18 · answer #2 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes everyone a different amount of time to let go. Just because you are not dwelling on the past doesn't mean you forgot. I had the same situation because the man went right back to work after wards. they said he didn't care. Some people grieve in different ways. No guilt required. Sounds like she could use a shoulder to lean on though.
2006-11-27 21:50:18 · answer #3 · answered by Carl-N-Vicky S 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
   You're not forgetting him. After a long time, it gets easier to cope with a loss of aloved one, but that does not mean you don't care, that means you're coping. Your Mother is obviously sensitive about it, the impression I get is that she really loved him and is probably trying her best not to forget him (feeling guilty that she's coping and feels as if she's insulting his memory perhaps? Feeling as if she's letting go "too much" and afraid she's doing wrong?)
   This is a sensitive thing to talk about and I do believe your mother is being to excessive about it. If you love your Father, than you are still doing the right thing at remembering him, you are simply finding it easier to cope because time has passed on.
   To make it look better in front of your mother, volunteer yourself to go to his resting place and place flowers where he's buried. (Maybe on his birthday.)
2006-11-27 21:51:46 · answer #4 · answered by J.D.S. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I lost my Dad late last year so I understand your situation.
It's still an ongoing healing process for me but it's even more so for my Mom whom I feel has yet to gain emotional closure.
There's no limit to anyone's grieving process.
Time & life moves on and so should you.
It's not intentional (forgetting your Dad) I'm sure.
Carry on living & cherish the times you had with your Dad, keep his memory close.
God Bless.
2006-11-27 22:05:21 · answer #5 · answered by ViRg() 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you should not feel guilty at all Im glad your over the greiving process your normal and healthy. You father is in your heart and always will be you dont have to think about him everyday. Your mother has a harder time than you she needs to let go and see a grief counselor. Just listen to her you dont have to respond she has to let out so she dont hold it inside of her. Your dad has really never left you hes always with you.
2006-11-27 21:43:03 · answer #6 · answered by tiger 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Its okay to not think about your dead family as much as you used to; time is just healing you. Add to that the fact that he isn't in your life anymore. After two years, I would think it is okay to move on from your father. Your mom is only saying this because she was closer to your father - she married him and knew him for a while, I would guess.
2006-11-27 21:46:05 · answer #7 · answered by partyatthepalms09 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I lost my parents too, a few years ago......every one deals with death differently......She's thinking you should react like she did and that is wrong.......Theres gonna be tons of times that will call for your rememberance of your dad....Just not now.....You could be numbing out too because she's still out of wack......
You'll never forget the death of a loved one....It's a trip.....you feel like something was cut out of your life and it was.........honor your dads memory with your mom by sharing thoughts of your life with him.....Special birthdays, Christmas , Father's day , vacations.....anything like that......Theres lots to share and it doesn't have to all be sad all of the time.......Your mom is still hurting very much......Hug her and tell her you loved your dad and miss him but you want to stop the pain now.........Be supportive of your mom , she lost her mate....... Peace
2006-11-27 21:47:07 · answer #8 · answered by cesare214 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're okay. Time is doing this. I thought highly of my parents
but less now with each passing year.
2006-11-27 21:40:17 · answer #9 · answered by robert m 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its harder for your mom to get over it. because they were together
brfore you. Just say" Mom I'll be there for you when you need me.
2006-11-27 21:45:10 · answer #10 · answered by thresher 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋