My husband and I have been married for 18 years. Neither of us have been with anyone else sexual since we have been together. My husband has asked about a mff threesome to "spice" things up a bit. He said I could pick her out and has agreed to have no contact with her afterwards. My question is, can people really have these "adventures" and it not distroy their marriage? I am curious and a little excited about the possible experience but I am also very worried about what could happen afterwards.
2006-11-27 13:30:56 · 37 answers · asked by confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Of course he does....ask him if you can go with a second male rather than female and see how quick he changes his tune.
Forget about it - two is company, three's a crowd!
2006-11-27 13:34:46 · answer #1 · answered by trancin_gal 3 · 8⤊ 1⤋
Many people may not agree with my point of view but I will give it anyway given that I speak from experience. I am bisexual and a few years ago I began to think about what it would be like to have a threesome. I was a bit apprehensive about what might happen afterwards. Would it destroy my marriage? Would my husband chase after the other woman? Etc. etc. Eventually we did and I'm happy to report it did not destroy my marriage. Quite the contrary, it spiced up our sex life and led to better communication about fantasies and desires. I truly believe that threesomes can be destructive but I also believe that if certain characteristics are present in your relationship it can be rewarding. The most important thing, above all is trust and honesty. It should be something you both truly want to experience. If either person has the slightest doubt, he/she should communicate it instead of proceeding. Not communicating doubts and fears may lead that person to feel they were forced and resentful. Individually, you should both be clear that what will occur is purely sex and nothing more. There are no emotions involved. I found it unbelievably sexy to see the man I love giving another woman pleasure. What prevents jealousy and other negative feelings is the security of knowing that this man loves you and his heart belongs to you. In addition, a threesome should not be seen as a solution to improve an already shaky relationship. In this case, a threesome would most probably lead to further problems. The relationship should be stable and secure and that is usually acheived after several years of being together. If these things are present, it should be considered as simply another sexual game to ignite a flame that is already burning strong but could use some variety. And believe me, if all is in it's place, there is nothing like watching live sex. Sit back and enjoy it.
2006-11-27 14:11:52 · answer #2 · answered by Wanda N 1 · 0⤊ 4⤋
I don't know that I could trust what would possibly happen afterwards. Whether it be jealousy or him going behind my back later on because he found her fun or attractive enough to risk it. It's a sticky situation so I don't know how to advise you. It seems like a lot of people get involved with that kind of thing and most claim to have had great experiences with it and how big a turn on it was, while others end up miserable and heartbroken whether on Jerry Springer or divorce court! Good luck with whatever choice you might make!
2006-11-27 13:37:31 · answer #3 · answered by Jen 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Threesomes are not like regular sex, they require both imagination and sensitivity. If you plan on having a threesome, you need to go into the situation with some idea of what you're going to be doing.
Rule 1: Establish the rules
You're going to have sex with two persons and all three of you have your own rules and limits, so understanding and respecting each other's comfort levels should be a top priority. Each woman may suddenly feel jealous, so keep in mind that the object of the game is to share sex between three people.
Rule #2. Be as giving as you can
Although you may be hoping that the two other will give you 100% of their attention, realistically, they're there to please each other as well, so you may end up feeling ignored. Pleasure your parners with hands and mouth and enjoy what it comes your way.
Rule 3: Man should be careful with penetration
Use penetrative sex only when you're sure both partners are comfortable with it.
Your natural inclination will be to pay close attention to the person you're having sex with, but you mustn't focus on him entirely. This is about the three of you, so keep that ideal close at hand. Kiss and touch the other woman, look her in the eye, and talk to her if the mood is appropriate.
And don't get so excited that you lose track of the women: all three of you should be sexually satisfied and even if you achieve climax first, you must do everything you can to bring your two partners to orgasm.
There is no guarantee that you will try and stop it, most likely if both will like it you will repeat experience. If only one will like it what will prevent him or you to try it again with the remaining spouse suspicious and feeling hurt. Do not open a pandora box.
Keep it better in the fantasy cloud.
2006-11-27 13:58:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
Well from my personal experience and talking with others this may not be the best ideal ever because it really could tear your marriage apart. I have seen people split because they decided to try threesomes. It might seem like a good ideal at the time but when you really think about it you may not be wit it no way. Then at that if you are a God fearing person why would you degrade yourself anyway? The Bible says every man should have his OWN wife and every woman her OWN husband.
2006-11-27 13:43:15 · answer #5 · answered by Bigwill 1 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Sure, you can do it with no problems. You need to be careful and be completely upfront and honest to everyone. It's rare to find someone, especially female, who would want a single sexual experience, such as you describe. More are interested in long term relationships (polyamorous). You might find someone in the swinging community. I'm not familiar with that community, so can't advise about it.
However, for the both of you (you and husband), trust of each other and being very careful about realizing any emerging jealousy is critical. Jealousy is something people can handle, but they have to look at it. Look at the causes, which are generally based on insecurity and the fear of loss.
I've been in a relationship with a guy and a girl. It was a long term loving relationship. Threesomes aren't something particularly exciting, but being with those you love, making love is.
I wish you luck.
2006-11-27 13:43:40 · answer #6 · answered by Radagast97 6 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Are you ready to watch your husband with another woman? Touching her, caressing, kissing and putting his c*ck in her. Are you ready for the look on his face when she gives him a bl*w j*b or when he is coming so hard inside of her because you can bet your marriage on it that she will be the one to bring him to a orgasm and it wont take her long to please your husband because she is fresh p*ssy for him. The only reason you would be excited about this is because of the fact you get to be with another women and see how that feels. Are you ready for the possibility that he will pay more attention to her than with you? What if he decides he wants this to be a regular part of your sex life? What if he finds out he wants to leave you so he can be with another women without you being in his way? I would find another way to spice up your sex life that doesn't involve another person. If he insists on going through with this then see how he reacts if you ask if next time you can have a threesome with another man. See how he reacts to the fact he'd have to watch you being f*cked by another man just like you have to watch him with whoever you pick out. This is something you two should only fantasize about because it very likely to change the way you feel about each other and can lead to a divorce.
2006-11-27 13:52:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
I think it depends on the couple and whether or not they are able to separate sex and love - does that make sense? If you both are in it for the fun and truly love one another, then yes I think you will be fine. My suggestion - pick a stranger that you have no emotional ties and if either of you is the jealous type - keep it a fantasy! Best of luck and if you decide to go through with it - I would like to hear from you on how it went both during and afterward. Take care!
2006-11-27 13:37:18 · answer #8 · answered by ur_ave_joe 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Don't do it. Find another way to spice up your life. Try a site like Slumberparties.com or dear_lady.com either way you should find something to share between you that won't bring in a headache to create "ties" that are said to "they won't happen" but will accidentally after the fact. you will constantly measure yourself against the other person. Try other alternatives first... if it doesn't work and that is your only option and you have weighed all pros and cons then to each his own...
2006-11-27 13:36:13 · answer #9 · answered by yasblat54 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Thats a good question one never knows till they actually go through it themselves you can sit hter and say this or that but things could change when it actually happens. You will have to dig down deep inside both of you and see if this is for you. If you decide. you can always pick out an escort one that you would both like.
2006-11-27 15:11:24 · answer #10 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this is a very bad idea unless you're looking to destroy your marriage. just don't do it. you may think it sounds like "fun" and "adventurous" but wait until you do it, and it's all over with. I guarantee you, you'll wish you hadn't. you and your husband have been faithful to one another for all these years. why would you be unfaithful to one another now? your one night of pleasure will only cause a lifetime of pain. please make the right choice.
2006-11-27 14:30:56 · answer #11 · answered by atiana 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋