How do I move on after 16 years of marriage?

Question

I have 3 young children 13, 8 and 3. I have taken total responsibility for raising the kids, bills, decisions everything, while my husband worked mostly overseas and military and now decides he likes getting compliments from other women and wants the freedom of being single, but he doesn't feel it will hurt any of us and a divorce doesn't mean he doesn't love us..(his words). Recently he told me he actually hasn't made up his mind and maybe things might be okay, but he isn't sure......but he wants everything to stay the same.....we only see him on weekends now, because he works in another state? I just don't know what to do?

Answer 1

Let's see.. You have taken full responsibility for your family and your husband has been absent for your full married time? Sixteen years? But you found time to have two other kids?

Divorce is a trip. If the father of these kids doesn't think it'll hurt them, he should take another look at statistics. Do the kids like their dad? Love him? Do you? Do you want to have a family and raise your children together? Does he just want to abandon you all?

First, you need to sit down with a professional and discuss this to get the truth out of this guy. That he's supported you financially.. has he? is being responsible in the nuts and bolts way. Being a good partner and dad is something else. We need to be together and happy and functioning to be a family.

Do you work?? Would you continue to be the head of household if you divorced? How would your life be different if you did? Are you interested in other men? Would you then continue on to find a new mate?

How old are you? How old is he? I'm guessing you are both in your thirties now and that means that you have many good years for pursuing a career and being a good mom and finding someone who would appreciate you for your ability to run things.

But.. getting a clear picture through guidance via a clergy person or a professional counselor should be the next step. Let him say in the presence of someone who can ask the right questions that he wants out. Reasons to leave his family of three kids, let alone you.. and then, when you hear the words in no uncertain terms, you have all the evidence you need to make a decision, right?

Is this all up to him? You say "he isn't sure." How does that make you feel? How sure are you? What will it take for you to be the one to make strong decisions about your kids and your own well being?

Be brave.. move forward and tell that woman in the mirror that she's up for the task, regardless of what this absent husband might think or do or say.

Answer 2

sweetheart, this man doesn't deserve you or those children! I know you must be heartbroken, and I feel so bad for you and your children, but what he's doing to you and those kids just isn't right. it just sickens me that a man married for 16 years and who has three children would put getting compliments from women above his family. honestly, it sounds like you've been raising the children on your own, and taking care of everything else on your own for a long time. you don't need a deadbeat husband and father who seems to have no idea what love really is in your lives. especially since it would be at his convenience! I really am sorry about your situation, but it sounds like you'd all be better off if he just goes and does whatever he wants [probably fishing for compliments] and you and the kids move on with your lives. and remember you are a strong woman.
I sincerely wish you the best.

Answer 3

give him his freedom, get child support and tell him that he is a free man. file for divorce and wish him well. you see you can't change a man on how is feel what he said and do what he wants. He basic have told you that he wants his freedom and not be marry anymore. I know it will hurts and the kids a lot because you probably still love him . But believe me he will regret and live to reget it life hold a lot of things in store for everyone God sees all and will help and guide you with you trust in him. You have 3 young children to think about and raise be sarong and with the help of the Lord you will be just fine. In time time heals all and it will help you to carry on . love you and be strong,.

Answer 4

There are all manner of marriages, and people stay married in their hearts. Looks like his is elsewhere. If you could be content with so little in the way of social interaction and security, good for you. Most of us could not. And Don't.... What was once good, can get worn out or just sour. If you like sour, old milk, stay. If you have a higher self esteem, find a new relationship....a no brainer

Answer 5

appears like you're specializing in all of his adverse factors. If I did that I"m particular my husband ought to seem undesirable too. attempt to imagine of the constructive aspects. He appears like he desires help inclusive of his ingesting. perhaps take a cab at the same time as he's conventional with he will drink? How can he be a tremendous father and a awful husband? he's one individual. the little ones see his failure too. the want likely finally end up ingesting and using and dishonest their employers too. once you've rather had adequate then get out. absolutely you comprehend that.

Answer 6

Hi Dear!
As you are aware, in each stage of our life, we have to make sure to take a correct decision, otherwise its consequence may be very sever.

Every man or woman who make decision to marry with a woman or man that his/her JOB is in such that he/she must regularly travel and be away from home few nights or few week or few months; she or he must accept that she or he may meet others and stay nights and have sex and fall in love!

SO, for you is too late to have any complaint.

IF, I were you, I would take care of myself in first instance.

The best thing to start is regular exercise, and make sure to be in The BEST SHAPE.

FOR, this NEW YEAR, buy the BEST sexy dress for yourself and spend money in salons to get the best messages for yourself.

Change your bedroom's color and buy new bed services; so make sure everything be in such that you love it.

Have respect for your husband, and try to not show him negative response. HE IS YOURS, so do NOT worry at all.

IF he asked for divorce. YOU MAKE SURE TO NOT give a consent. Let him do whatever he wants to do, take legal action , you just Think about peace and yourself and children.

DO NOT complaint against your husband with your Children.

Let your children have GOOD relation with their father, and respect him.

Finally, he is going to understand that "there is no place better than his HOME!" and you are the winer!

Answer 7

File for divorce. When he finds himself, then maybe you can reconciliate. But by then you just might decide he's not worth reconciliation. After all you are independent and you know you can survive without him, so why stress yourself over this man who does not appreciate your feelings or your children's because he wants to be free to accept "compliments" of other women. You and your children deserve much more than this.

Answer 8

Divorce him. What would really be different in your life? He's not there emotionally, and he's probably not there physically on the weekends. Plus, what's he doing while he's gone? Move on and make a better life for you and your kids. Otherwise your kids will grow up thinking that this is an okay way for marriage to be.

Answer 9

So he wants to be with other women, then come home to a loving family? If you can handle that, go for it. If not, tell him that he has a family that he can't keep on the side. Tell him he has to choose what's more important to him, the family or other women. He can't have both and have the situation be the same. If you guys need to go to couples counceling, then go for it. If he just seems to be pushing things off, just so that he can flirt and come home, you may need to decide what you want.

Answer 10

Make up his mind for him. Tell him he has until a certain time to get his things out of your house. Tell him you don't need a man like that, it's worse than having a ball and chain around your neck.