I have always been cranky and mean my mom and dad. I know it is wrong, but sometimes I just don't know how else to be to them. I have always been hostile to them since I was a child. I have suffered from depression for over 15 years now. The thing is that I am so nice and kind to everyone else except my parents. My fiance is scared now because he sees how I am with my parents and is scared that is the way I really am. He is scared because he thinks I might end up treating him like that down the road. I have never been cranky or mean to my fiance ever and he admits that I have never been that way. I think he is worried about my behavior to my parents. It scared me because I dont' want to lose him. I try to make it a point to be nice to my mom and dad, but it never works. I don't know why it is hard for me. Would you be scared and want to back out of the wedding if you were my fiance?
2006-11-27 12:54:53 · 7 answers · asked by lc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your fiance has a valid point. He will kind of take the place of your parents when you marry. So it stands to reason that you will be that way to him. We really let our guard down a lot when we marry, so that comfort zone could really have you lashing out!
2006-11-27 13:00:11 · answer #1 · answered by Chris 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think often parents set up a relationship with their children that allows the child to express their feelings because they think that is the right way to raise a healthy child. I'm not sure that it works that way...were your parents very permissive with you as a child? On the other hand, many parents are overly critical and squash a child's development of self-esteem - and then that child often releases pent up anger on their parents as they get older - like in the teen years. Maybe it is time to take the next step with your parents and learn how to be an adult (even though you are their child) and treat them with respect and act like an adult (even though you might not always feel like one - or if you do have anger built up - and don't know what to do with it). To answer the question - would I be scared and want to back out of the wedding if I was your fiance? I would be scared and would definately be questioning it like he is! It is something you should be looking at if you are going to be getting married and possibly having children in the future. Do you want your children to treat you like you treat your parents?
2006-11-27 13:01:16 · answer #2 · answered by knoxvilleluna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I would have serious misgivings and yes I had a similar experience that I paid for dearly. Did you ever consider counseling ? If you can pin point why you treat your folks bad then maybe it can be dealt with and brought under control. I sure hope you and yours get squared away and I wish you all the best.
2006-11-27 13:02:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yup...those r ur parents and u've been together ur whole lives...sooooo why would it be any different for him later down the road...when u guys get use to eachother...u've only been together 6 months and ur getting married in feb...thats way too short of a realtionship and really too soon to get married..u think u know eachother but u dont..take ur time and give him time to see that u wont treat him the way u treat ur parents..
2006-11-27 13:17:29 · answer #4 · answered by truthgrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people try and do control other people by screaming and yelling.You need to stop and put a hold on marriage till you get a grip
2006-11-27 13:51:23 · answer #5 · answered by cindybells 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were your fiancee, I'd be scared shiftless. I would advise you to get some serious counseling.
2006-11-27 13:00:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No offense, but u seem way messed up.
Maybe get some counseling.
2006-11-27 12:57:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋