going thru a tough time heart wise........hubby cheated and now lives with his girlfriend he is 42 she is 21....i had no idea that my marriage was a sham as he tells it to others .....he says he had been unhappy for 8 yrs which i can tell you was a complete shock to me....i thought us happy .....anyway we were together 20 plus yrs with 4 children..he shows no guilt nor remorse for the pain he has caused me and now acts like i dont exsist and when he does speak to me he is usually nasty...doesnt he know he hurt me enough already.why continue to hurt me.......help me understand.....( i told him to leave after the affair was found out because he didnt want to save our marriage his actions told me that)
2006-11-27 12:26:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I agree with what another person said. That 21 year old will soon discover when she's 30 and he's in his 50's that he's not all that great anymore.
It is easier for him to deal with the guilt he feels by telling others it was a sham and by being mean to you. If he lies long enough he'll believe it, and if he tells himself he never loved you, and tells the new girl that it will almost be true. You know what was between you. I know you say now that you are surprised that he was unhappy, but as you process this, you will probably come to remember the signs and realize how imperfect it was. Not that it was worth ending or cheating over, just that there were signs of problems.
Let him go, and know that he'll probably tell you somewhere down the road that he regrets this whole thing. But by then you will have moved way on!
2006-11-27 20:47:08 · answer #1 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry your hurting its never an easy thing when two people who once loved each other have faded away. All the anger and hurt and pain your feeling will subside in time everything takes time. I hope you look at this as some good memories you had together for the 24 years and 4 beautiful children came out of this. Sometimes things arn't meant to be ever lasting like everything there is a time and place and then like all things and like the seasons people change too. Were for ever growing and sometimes people grow apart its no ones fault sometimes it just happens your interests change your wants as you get older and realize time is shorter than when you were younger you start to realize whats reallly important and what you want in life. Plus too don'tg forget you weren't the same person 24 years ago as you are today you to have grown and changed and have new interests and likes and dislikes.
Now you can sit at home and cry and feel bad about this but its not going to change your ex husband has gone on with his life and im sure he would want you to do the same thing. Its not about hurting its about going after what you really want in the short time we have here. its what speaks to your heart.
Try and look at this as the time you did share the 24 years you've learned and grown alot you had 4 wonderful children out of this expereince you've learned alot and you learned all you could from this relationship it has now run its course. Its time for you to start a new chapter in your life. Who' knows what out there waiting for you. I knmow we all are afraid of the unknown and w2hen your with someone so long your thinking how am i gonna be able to go on just with one person. But you can my dear. If your husband had passed away you would have had to continue on for your children so you will in this way too.
Remember every exit has an opening. You will get through this. All this is of shock to you know understable. but when you come to realize and analize it all you will come to realize things happen for a reason and although nothing is for ever you got a pretty good junk of 24 years together more than most.
Be proud of your accomplishments in your marriage and your children you brought into this world and keep the happy memories and disregard the negativity. This won't help you and only make you bitter. It is what it is. Deal with the situation and you can chose to look at it as a terrible thing or as a learning and growth expereince you were lucky to share for 24 years.
I hope you will take the positive out of this and get pumped up. not broken down . You can do this its all in the way you want to look at this. two side to everything remember..
Stay positive it will get you through .and soon the dark clouds will dissappear and you'll be out doing your own thing in no time flat wondering what elses you will find in your life travels.
i wish you all the best
2006-11-27 23:31:17 · answer #2 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I'm sorry Second your hurting maybe if you can seek professional help because this jerk has really been a jerk and it is not your fault third take him for everything you are entitled to don't feel any compassion for him at all Forth go out and have some fun meet new people try to put on a happy face when you are confronted by him Fifth try to put your life in a new order so you want feel so lonely without him
2006-11-27 20:56:10 · answer #3 · answered by twister 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is be the bigger person. The ultimate form of revenge is to carry on with your life and be happy. When his 21 year old squeeze wakes up one morning and realizes that she is laying next to a man who could be her father, she'll bolt. He'll be alone and sad and full of regret, but you would have moved on long ago.
Quit thinking about the wrongs he's done to you and look to your future. This is your time now. Time for you to focus on you, without worrying about what someone else thinks.
2006-11-27 20:33:28 · answer #4 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although it hurts like crazy right now, it's necessary to go through a "greiving" process. In time, you will begin to feel better, and not hurt so bad, but it will take time for that to happen. In the meantime, try to keep your mind off it, and concentrate on being the best Mom you can. Busy yourself, to help the time pass faster. Good Luck!
2006-11-27 20:32:33 · answer #5 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on with your life as best at you can. It will be hard, but you are a strong woman and can and will make it. His day will come and you are better off without him if he has cheated on you. You are a good person and was a good wife for 20 plus years. He does not deserve you. Good Luck.
2006-11-27 20:34:00 · answer #6 · answered by elaine t 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need a divorce lawyer.
He leaves, you get 50% of all his assets. The house, the cars the money all that stuff....
Plus he pays child support...
Forget the idea that he just leaves...
A good lawyer will help you understand
2006-11-27 20:35:55 · answer #7 · answered by bill45310252 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, what a jerk! He does not deserve you! Take excellent care of yourself, and move on a little each day. The best revenge is feeling and looking great! When he begs to come back (he will), DONT take the bait...Just be glad to be rid of him.
2006-11-27 20:30:46 · answer #8 · answered by Jay Jay 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow he sounds so wonderful! his girlfriend must be so lucky! not! make yourself happy... thats a lot of history together. sometimes you think you know someone.... go change your hair, or buy some new clothes. put a smile on your face, and paint the town red!
2006-11-27 20:40:08 · answer #9 · answered by *never give up* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋