I am 21 and almost out of college. A lot of my friends have gotten married. It is not that I feel "left out" I just feel like I can't hang around people without them having marriage on the brain. Is it just me or am I the only one who feels to young to make such a commitment right now? Marriage is not a bad thing but it has been as if a lot of my friends have gotten married with the mindset of it is going to be a fairy tale and everything is going to be perfect. My mother has been pushing me to finish my education and be on my own and know who I am before I make such a commitment. I know people say that women marry older but within the past couple of years there has been an influx of marriages. I am happy for them. I just feel like there is pressure on me because I am like the only one not married. Am I being selfish?
2006-11-27 11:25:48 · 33 answers · asked by amber 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
listen to your mother. you've seen how many people on this forum complain about infidelity, cheating and being cheated on, or area otherwise lonely in their marriages and aren't doing anything about it. marriage is a beautiful thing, if and when you're ready for it. myself i wasn't that much older than you, 25. it's been like 8 years, though i can't complain. i can't say that it's perfect, or that it comes without it's pitfalls, sacrifices, or situations that make you question why you ever did such a thing to begin with, but if it's the right person it can last and change your life. finish college, by all means, a lot of us don't for whatever reason. there's soooooo much time, at this point, so it's a bit OK to be just a little, selfish. why not?
2006-11-27 11:40:39 · answer #1 · answered by collard greens with hash browns 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do not yield to the pressure. I have never been married and I'm older than you are. Enjoy your freedom for now. So what if you may be a third wheel sometimes when you go out with them. I always make the best of it. Be happy with your choice, you may even end up the smarter one for it! Marriage isn't all happiness, it can be stressful too. I don't plan on ever getting married but I am not bitter on the subject. I've been single for so long I just know how to handle it. Finish your education, get that piece of paper and make good money. You are not being selfish at all. Don't go with the crowd, do what's best for you... it's your life.
2006-11-27 11:44:18 · answer #2 · answered by Mike H 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is one smart woman. And, no, your reactions are not selfish. It is natural because the people around you are married. It is how we women have been trained to believe, since infancy, that no matter how much education we get, we aren't complete individuals until we marry. I have been divorced for three years. That was after a 16 year marriage--I wouldn't let go because I thought I just had to have a husband. Don't fall into that trap. If you find someone that you want to spend your life with, that is wonderful. But don't make that your goal in life. Knowledge of self is the most important thing. Be your own person, finish your education, find your way in life. Follow your mother's wisdom--you won't go wrong. Good luck.
2006-11-27 11:43:00 · answer #3 · answered by bellegurl17 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope, everyone matures at a different age and have different plans. You just have not met the right person. Up til the age of 19 I felt that I would finish school, get a job and wait a coulple years before getting married. Now I am in a relationship with "The One" and am ready for marriage. If you asked me if I would be engaged at 21 3 years ago...I woulda said NO WAY!. So...wiat for the right guy, you'll know when the time is right. If your friends are going into it with the "fairy tale" mindset...you won't be the only single friend for long.
2006-11-27 11:30:17 · answer #4 · answered by Jamie J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No way. Youre just being smart and that is very admirable. Marriage is just not your thing at this point in time which in no way makes you selfish. Youll know when the time is right instead of rushing into something you neither want or are ready for. Finish your education and experience life before settling down for the rest of your life. It will make you a better all around person and youll be ready for the challenges of married life. Be your own person and dont let peer pressure change you til you are totally ready. Very impressive and good luck
2006-11-27 11:34:44 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the truth is - it's not always about you. I assure you, no one looks at you and thinks, "geez, she should be married already!" The "pressure" is all in your mind. Relax, have fun, and don't be in too much of a hurry to get married. It is true that when people get married, their interests change, and their focus becomes more on their families than on the "single" activities they used to enjoy. I know I have not seen my friends as often since I've been married. Perhaps you're responding to this change in your married friends' attitude. Well, it's never too late to make new (single) friends. I've always had both single and married friends, and I admit that the dynamics are a bit different between the two groups. It kind of depends on what you're looking for in your friendships. It has nothing to do with "pressure" to be one way or another.
2006-11-27 11:37:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When it comes to marriage EVERYONE should be selfish...it's about you (as an individual)...marriage (or even just committing to someone w/o making it legal) isn't something you do out of peer pressure or family pressure or some thought that you're being left out because everyone else is doing it.
You do it because you meet someone you're head over heels about, who is head over heels about you, and the two of you decide to you want share your lives in a more serious way than just dating.
Until that happens...don't worry about marriage. There's no reason you ever have to marry if you don't desire to, or don't meet someone who just blows you away (figuratively, of course).
It's absolutely okay to be not married...or married...or anything in between (as long as everyone involved is of legal age, consenting, and free to do so).
2006-11-27 11:31:27 · answer #7 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you should never get married just to "go with the flow." If you're not ready and want to wait until you're out of school, then that's fine. A lot of women get married too early and like you said, they expect a fairytale ending and that doesn't normally happen, thus the divorce rate in this country. It is hard when all your friends are getting married, but it doesn't mean you're a freak because you're not. Your time will come when it's meant for you.
2006-11-27 11:29:56 · answer #8 · answered by First Lady 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No l don't believe you are being selfish at all !!There is nothing wrong with being single, with lots of married friends. l'm just glad for you that you want to wait and marry for the right reasons, not just because it is something that everyone else seems to be doing at the moment. Good for you !!! We have a high enough divorce rate already, we don't need to add any more to the list !!
2006-11-27 11:39:52 · answer #9 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is not all it's cracked up to be....it totally changes everything....not saying that's bad....i got married at 20 and things changed a lot....i would not worry about it.....wait until you are ready finish school and start your life as you....if by chance you have a special someone or if not maybe he'll come along and you'll want to get married......just give it time and wait until you're ready it's no rush!
2006-11-27 11:32:58 · answer #10 · answered by Misty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋