10 years ago my wife started wanting sex less often than I did ... five years ago she starting the off-putting excuses and canned avoidance comments ... two years ago she closed the gates completely ... now if I broach the subject she gets hostile, and if I reach out to touch her I feel her cringe. She doesn't believe in divorce, so now what happens?
2006-11-27 11:22:38 · 21 answers · asked by David W 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would ask her, what the problem is. It could be that sex just does not do it for her. But u have to tell her that u all are married and that u have needs as a married man. I feel your pain and stress, wow! What is she married to u for If u all are not romantic in anyway. Sex is not everything but it is a beautiful thing when u are married, I would see someone about it and have a long talk w/ her, but seek professional help and get there advice on what to say to her.
2006-11-27 11:28:18 · answer #1 · answered by HIGHLY FAVORED 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to bore you by getting scientific, but there are medical reasons for lack of or complete loss of sex drive. If you've been married 15 years then I would say she's close to or in menopause, and the hormones get whacky! As women age their sex drives change. That's one thing. So if she's at all open to the idea maybe she could talk to her doctor about it.
If she's not, but even if she is I think you should talk to her about how you're feeling. Avoid the whole "you do this, you do that" and focus on saying " I feel, I've felt.." it diffuses the defense mechanism a bit. Beware though! Women love to point out that all you are after is sex and there's more to a marriage than sex, and you're just crazy about sex, sex, sex. Be ready for that. I agree as a woman that it's a huge part of marriage, at all ages. So I get that. Just be prepared and make sure she knows how this has impacted you, suggest counseling, and through that maybe the counselor can convince her to see the doctor about her low sex drive. It could also be that there are other feelings she has that are affecting her interest in you. Don't be surprised. She may not want to go "deep" about her feelings because you could find there's resentment there or worse, and maybe she knows that keeping it inside keeps the marriage from imploding. Just some thoughts. It could be nothing but the changing body chemistry. And don't forget, the brain is our big sex organ, so if we're mad at you, don't even think about getting some!
2006-11-27 20:26:59 · answer #2 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a serious communication problem. Do you still love your wife? Is there a marriage besides the sex problems? Have you changed a lot physically, to the point where she might not find you sexually attractive? How do YOU feel about divorce? What would happen if you asked her to go to counseling with you? You can still get a divorce whether or not SHE believes in it. If a marriage isn't a marriage to you without the sexual aspect, tell her how you feel, without placing blame. Maybe the thought of divorce will at least get her to talk about the problem, or consider counseling. It sounds as if she has developed an aversion to sex over the years, and she probably isn't happy about the situation either.
2006-11-27 19:30:23 · answer #3 · answered by Bad Kitty! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No easy fix for so many years thaqt have passed. it sounds like a combination of things that grew to this level. You know when your dating the man is all nicey nicey sweet loving affectionate. then comes marriage he feels okay i have her now i dont' need to work on that any more. takes woman for granted doesn't sshow as much affection. busy with football or the guy friends leaves her at home to tend to things. you grow apart. also some men settle in and make a career and work long extra hard hours and they forget they have someone at home missing them.
You may want to try to get back to basics. start showing her you care and appreciate her. not just that she cleans the house and does your laundry. Get back to the old you. and she may come around. She will see something is up with you so you can't just turn it on when you want sex she will know your only using her for your gain. You have to show her even out of the bedroom maybe a phone call from work saying you wanted to hear her voice you miss her. take her out to a nice dinner go places together have a date night. you will have to go at this slowly all this didnt' happen over night it built up over a period of 10 years you can't expect her to think you changed over night.
but its worth a start right better than you coming back on here in 20 years saying your life is empty and sexless marriage now what.
Good luck
2006-11-27 20:20:09 · answer #4 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't believe in divorce, do you? A wife just cannot continue to keep the gates closed on her husband and expect him to just sit by and do nothing. Do something! Don't cheat, though. If you aren't getting what you need from her, talk about it, and if talk doesn't cut it, then you need to take some type of action involving a professional.
2006-11-27 20:06:50 · answer #5 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it back to the basics - start with yourself. You need to do something that feels good since you aren't getting the sex you need, but it has to be non-destructive. Take some time for yourself to do something that builds your confidence and gets your mind off the marital problems. Or if you can't bring yourself to take action, then go get a psychologist or therapist because you are depressed. If your wife doesn't feel healthy and happy with you, she isn't going to have energy for sex. Once you feel better about yourself, you can start giving a little more of yourself to her, and she will probably respond.
2006-11-27 20:00:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple of things come to mind --- financial problems, problems within the family, other marital problems, exhaustion, menopause, weight gain, turn-off because of porn lying around (I hate that), probably see you fantasizing about other women, possible adultery (you or her), etc. What exactly do you think the reason is? Have a sincere and talk with her to find out what's causing this.
This sounds very serious. I pray and hope everything works out for you and that this turns around.
2006-11-27 19:29:04 · answer #7 · answered by Mike's Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like u need to look at YOURSELF!
Sorry 2 b cruel but she seems repulsed by u since u said she cringes at your touch.
R u showering, brushing your teeth??
R u a good kisser? do u practice foreplay??
Sounds like she just doesn't like your style of "luvin".
Treat a woman like a flower...b really gentle yet firm with her. Enjoy all parts of her body. "Play" in bed...have fun, don"t think about the final act. If this doesn't work she sounds stuck up. I don't know y women get like this so much. It is our job 2 b sexy & sensuous...
That's my advice on this subject.
2006-11-27 19:36:04 · answer #8 · answered by Mee-OW =^..^= 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there's something deeper going on with her. I, for one, (and I can probably speak for the majority of the adult population) could not live in a sexless marriage. I don't think it's fair for either party. She needs to figure out what her issue is with you or sex period...it could be you or it could be physical intimacy. Either way, you can't be expected to just "deal with it".
Tell her how you feel about it, and stand firm. Trust me, if it were the other way around, she surely wouldn't just "deal with it".
((Would she just "deal with it" should you decide to have a girlfriend on the side???))
2006-11-27 20:19:47 · answer #9 · answered by Dee M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe that old black magic named menopause.....? Maybe try and get her to go to a doc..but don't mention that you want her to go for counseling on the no sex thing. Just to be sure she is alright. Oh, and by the way...ever consider maybe the mistress of the manor may have a new stable boy? Just a thought...
2006-11-27 19:28:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋