i have to say it has never been an issue because i think he knew up front that i was a very jealous person and that i will not tolerate him watching porn..... we have watched together, but if i found that he was doing it without me i would probably divorce him.... am i asking for trouble??? people seem to think it is such a "normal" thing.... to me it is freakin audultery!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-27 10:57:15 · 27 answers · asked by don't be rude. 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No...i don't think it means you are asking for trouble! He should respect your wishes! I hate porn and won't even let my hubby watch that soft porn on HBO! I don't want to look at other men; and i guess i feel like he shouldn't want to look at other women!
2006-11-27 11:13:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
I don't understand how you see it as adultery when he is by him self watching a flick or looking at a magazine and not when you are doing it together. Yes I think your asking for BIG trouble by having this double standard. Its good to be jealous to a certain point but there in a fine line between being a loving wife who gets jealous at times and being unreasonable. If you would seriously consider divorce over this then there is some deep issues you need to work out. I have been married to my husband for a very very long time now and I think our sex life would be in the toilet if I didn't allow him to have his personal time to himself with his movies and magazines. It allows him to get creative and bring new and exciting ideas to bed. Besides think about it why does he get to that state of mind, probably because he was having a fantasy about you and as most men do he needs a visual aid. Plus who does he climb into bed with every night you and not the porn star. Lighten up a little you can really benefit from it.
2006-11-27 19:24:06 · answer #2 · answered by lovelittlelulu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Come on. Divorce? Over looking at porn?
Do you view it alone - never once? I can see getting annoyed when all he does is look at porn but to think, even for a second, that he hasn't and will not, view it alone is completely nuts.
Ask yourself why it bothers you? Are you insecure? Do you feel like you have to compete with these women on film? You wouldn't be the first. To consider it adultery is crazy. Do you ever check out a guy while out and about? Is that considered adultery to you too? You fantasizing about sex - is that adultery? Because if it is, you've committed it as well. Should he divorce you? We're all human and we're sexual beings. Unless his viewing is 23 hours a day, even while you're with him - the guy is a guy. Why would you want to make him start hiding things?
There's so many other things to think about and get angry at - focus all this energy elsewhere.
2006-11-27 20:15:08 · answer #3 · answered by Dorothy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think porn is normal, but it's certainly not un-normal. There are plenty of men and women who enjoy it, and he is just one of many. I also don't think it's adultery. Adultery takes two people who are in some form of a relationship when one of them is married to another. The people in porn are just putting on a show for the masses, they don't know or care about your husband (or any one else who watches it.)
What you need to do is find a happy compromise with him.
If you forbid him from looking at it at all, he may decide that he is going to hide it from you. Then he has broken your trust, disrespected your wishes, and you will be twice as mad that he looked at it.
If you let him do whatever he wants with porn, then all you will do is set yourself up for even more hurt and jealousy because you won't have a say in what he does.
Have a long talk with him about why he wants to watch porn so that you will understand what role it plays in his mind. Then decide what limits you want to place on his viewing pleasure. Like he can only watch it when you are in the room, or he can only watch it by himself once a month or something. It needs to be reasonable, and something that you both can agree on. If one of you is letting the other have his/her way, then it can and will lead to resentment later on in your marriage.
You might also want to consider counseling to work through your jealousy. With or without him, you sound like you may need to build up your self esteem.
2006-11-27 19:12:03 · answer #4 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That he wants to look at porn is not the problem as much as WHY he wants to. What aren't you giving him that he gets from porn? Speaking as a guy, I consider looking at porn kind of a division of my primary loyalty, but it's far short of adultery. For you to insist that it is sounds repressive, and might be one of the factors driving him to it. Since you've watched together, that's a hopeful sign. Keep on with it, and monitor his activity so you know whether he's going some sick way with it. I think porn is probably a safety valve that could have the effect of blunting his desire to stray in real-life, but my own wife hoots that theory down every time I mention it. Tone that jealousy down around him, too .. the more you squeeze the harder he'll try to get away.
2006-11-27 19:16:12 · answer #5 · answered by David W 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm with you him doing this is both disrespectful to you and your relationship. Porn is the route cause of alot of the crap this wrold is going through especially with divorce and adultery. He has made a vow to you and to honor love and cherish you all the days of his life him lusting to ladies in a porn is just wrong. Tell him this behavior of him watching porn is hurting your feelings and if he has any compassion for you and your feelings he will stop if not then the only option is for us to split hopefully this will make this guy wake-up unless he is a selfish prick that has never cared
about anything you have had to say. If he loves you he will be open to giving it up I will personally tell you I had a problem with porn when I was single but needless to say I gave it up when I met my wife because the only thoughts of that nature I want in my head are that of my wife and the times we spend together like it should be why cloud your thoughts with crap.
2006-11-27 19:26:04 · answer #6 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What you're asking for is for him to lie to you and keep secrets from you.... is that what you want? Last I checked... paper and videos can't set up houskeeping with a person so just how is him looking at porn so wrong? I would think that as a woman you would want to be with a man who is attracted to women. Get over the fact that you aren't the only woman on the earth that he might want to look at. He did marry YOU after all!
Good Lord girl....grow up!
2006-11-27 19:04:41 · answer #7 · answered by open_phunguy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you asking for trouble? Is that your question?
If the guy is spending all of his waking hours watching porn, then we are talking about addictions, and that is different than once or twice a week, spending 10 minutes. Guys like to look at naked women -- just no doubt. But in the addiction situation, he just won't be available.... he is already in a relationship, and his wife or sweetie just isn't part of that relationship. Answer your question?
2006-11-27 19:17:05 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well ALLOW is always a strong word to use in a marriage you are both ADULTS i stooped being told i was ALLOWED to do things when i was 17 and moved away from my parents. I would never tell my man he was not ALLOWED to watch what ever he wanted. The only thing my husband would be told is not allowed is actually sleeping with another women. btw it is a normal thing
2006-11-27 19:03:22 · answer #9 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weater it hurts some ones feeling or not its disrespectful and degrading to women and it is why most women want plastic surgery to make them self apealing for men.because thats what a man desires in a women and we women just want to be desired and admired . Letting or finding out your man watchs porn just makes a women feel less desired (like ****) because there must be something wong with her because she doesn,t look like a bj craving slut
2006-11-27 23:02:38 · answer #10 · answered by cindybells 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NetDog Porn Filter : http://www.netdogsoft.com
2006-11-28 02:19:19 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋