i found my husband using an internet dating ....?

Question

and hes acting strange ...he changed all his passwords.... what should i do...

Answer 1

Confront him. Period. Be calm, and understanding, and ask him what he's getting from the 'net that he's not getting in your relationship---unless you already know the answer to that. When he tells you, listen. Then, ask him to open the accounts with you standing there. If he refuses, be prepared to tell him that you will not be married to someone who sneaks around and has secrets from you. Ask him if he values your marraige and wants to save it.....and listen carefully to the answer. If you get defensive behavior, not apologetic, call a lawyer the next day and shock him with your resolve to respect yourself in ways he does not respect you. This will be a difficult issue-----ask yourself first if you really want to solve it, or sweep it under the rug. You may regaind your dignity and self-respoect, but lose him. Then again, he may not be worth keeping.

Answer 2

He's cheating or has intent-to-cheat.

He might use the typical excuse of 'I wasn't planning on doing anything, I just wanted to see what it was like'. Or some other lame excuse.
I would be incredibly mistrustful of him and would probably confront him about it.

Then I'd leave. I'd pack my bags, the kids, the animals, and the family photo's and I'd leave him to his own devices and hope that he would learn his lesson before marrying the next woman.

But I'm heartless like that...you could try talking about it with him, some counselling etc. But most men like to make it seem like it's the woman's fault if he's cheating.

I do hope you can work through it...but if he's cheated I don't know how much he has invested in the marriage in the first place.

Sorry :( It's a tough situation to be in.

Answer 3

As one speaking from personal experience! Trust your gut first. Does it feel wrong, do you feel like something is going on? Second, talk to him about it see if there is something going on in your relationship that could be triggering it. Maybe he is feeling like he doesn't matter anymore, or that you don't need him. (This is really giving him the benefit of the doubt - only you can say if he deserves it.) Third depending on how he responds you may need to do more investigating - if he denies it, tries to turn it around on you for his behavior, or states his interest is normal but continues to hide it, There's a problem.... If you are seeing a pattern you need to act! My ex hide it, denied it, said he was happy in the marriage, told me I was paranoid.....got me to the point I was doubting myself (worse kind of thing that could happen). I finally downloaded a monitoring program, found all kinds of stuff that absolutely devastated me......When I finally confronted him, he basically told me he enjoyed it and wouldn't stop, that there was nothing wrong with it. That it was not affecting me or our kids. That's when I knew it was serious and time to go. We did divorce and rarely speak, his choice not to speak, not mine. He is re-married and has been for a year and within months of being remarried (if he ever stopped) he is doing it to her. Bottom line is porn is something that is sometimes shared between people. If you choose to share it and your honest about it, hey to each is his own. But if it becomes something that he or she chooses to do on their own, continously hiding it, then it's a problem and one that will deteriorate your marriage in the most painful way, sometimes more so than an affair. You need to run, that is someone that has a problem...probably a sexual addiction and it only escalates. With my ex it started out as magazines, then videos, then porn sites, then chat rooms, then dating sites....after my divorce I even came across a video that he had taped on the same vcr tape as one of our childrens home videos...It was him watching women (by the mailbox of our apt complex) out of our then 2 yr old son's bedroom. I was at work when it was shot. Never knew about it until after the divorce (10 years later).... I was going through the tapes to see what was on them. Once I found that I knew I had made the right decision to get out.. I'm just sorry it took 14 years.

I hope yours has a happier ending than mine but if not keep all of it for evidence and get out before it kills your self esteem anymore than it probably has.

Answer 4

I found my husband using an internet dating service, too. That was before we met. I don't know his passwords; we'll give them to eachother if one of us is at home and the other wants us to check something. It's all about trust. If you don't trust him, you don't have much of a relationship!

Answer 5

Well, you should assume the obvious -- that he has contacted other women on the internet -- Yahoo Personals, Match.com etc., and told them he was unattached.... no brainer. If he is gone evenings when he usually wasn't, he's meeting them.. if he has a long enough lunch, then he is using itsjustlunch.com..... In any event, if he is acting in a fashion he has never acted, then, hon, he's cheating on you or is trying to do so...no brainer.

Answer 6

Become a detective and trust your gut. Deep down you know the truth already, you got your woman's intuition use it to your advantage. If he's not going to be there for you and start dating or whatever he is or isn't doing you need to nip it in the butt. Confronting him with a separation and or divorce might be a good slap into reality for him. Good luck

Answer 7

Dont do anything at least not yet, try to look when he types his passwords or guess his passwords. He is your husband you have to know him a little. Dont do anything yet untill you have proff in your hands

Answer 8

if he had nothing to hide he wouldnt be changing anything.i would be worried if i were you.i think some people are just hooked on meeting up on the net.y not just ask straight out....or just try hanging out with him whenever he is on the computer for a few days or a week..c if it agitates him.this would tell you for sure he is trying to hide something

Answer 9

He's cheating on you and looking for other women. You should consider having a serious conversation with him and see how it goes from there. If he doesn't comply with you, then I guess a divorce is in order...

Hope everything works out well! :)

Answer 10

I would definitely ask him to go to counseling with you. There is something going on there and you need to get to the root of the feelings he is experiencing right now that are causing this. Prayers =)