12 year old step son.....aughhhhh?

Question

I have a problem with this boy that I can't quite deal with sometimes. I do everything for him as I did for my own children. He continually treats me like crap....lying, lying, lying and acts like he is in charge. He treats his dad awful!!!! Talks back, yells, slams doors lies.....I just don't get him, how do I deal with this boy without going crazy? His dad doesn't know what to do except turn a blind eye, the boy has ADD, ADHD and uses it at every turn. He has been treated "special" his whole life, everyone tippytoes around him (from his moms side of the family) and gives him anything and everything he wants. I make him earn what he wants and he hates me because of it. I don't let him get away with his crap but when his dad is around I'm not allowed to say or do anything. Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love my husband and don't want this kid to destroy our relationship, any advise on how to handle this situation.

Answer 1

i feel very sorry for you but i guess you can like give him a pet?!? so he can focus mostly on that other then like nothing. tell him like "if you dont scream i let you feed your pet" or you can like do something else. not suree hope it helps!!

Answer 2

First thing you need to remember is this kid isn't gonna destroy a relationship between you and your hubby. Your lack of communication will however. The kid has problems and he has learned how to work it. And it's a rough spot to be in. Try dealing with this through your husband and get on the kids good side to see if you can approach it from a different angle. It's worth a shot because what you are doing isn't working. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer!!! He will always be a issue as long as everyone around him is unstable and gives him control. Stand your ground but try being his friend to a certain extent to keep some kind of civil respect going on. That's really all you can do and when your energy is regained and you have had a break try some newer things but I would seriously go to family counseling the kid, your hubby, and you. SO you do not drive yourself crazy! I wish you luck.

Answer 3

I am living the same situation. Started dating a man with (at the time) a 12 year old. His father and I have lived together for 5 years now. So the boy is 17 now. My son has gone off to college and it seems like I am the odd man out now. The "stepson" knows that I am more strict on my boy than his dad is on him. And I am more strict with the stepson whenever he is in my care. But like you said, when dad is home, he ignores me completely. I think that is better than yelling at me. I can handle the silent treatment. But, like you said, I hate the way that he treats his dad. But, if the dad allows it, then you have very little recourse as I see it. I simply to the stepson," You may treat your dad that way and maybe even your mom, but not me. I demand your respect." So he has just quit trying to get anything out of me. Tell your husband that you are not going to take the lying to you and if he continues, you will take the appropriate action. And if your husband doesn't agree to that then say that the only other option is for him to care for the child or have the mother and her family help him out. I feel for you. Its a hard time with other people's children. I have 2 boys and they aren't angels. But they respect me and what I say. If they don't like what say, at least they keep it to themselves. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

You and your spouse, really need to get counseling, if you belong to a church, they might even offer free counseling. Second marriages, with children are always the most difficult, your husband needs to hear from a professional, how important it is, that he needs to back you up,[he will never "get it", coming from you. As for the stepson, he's 12, hyper, I can imagine, that is a child from hell, 12 yr. old boys are a pain as it is, when you add the other problems, you have my sympathy, keep up with what you are doing, [He may hate you now, but later he will respect you for setting boundaries]. Try to love him, won't be easy, but he won't be 12, forever, try to remember , from his point of view, his parents are divorced, his step mom is stricter than his "real", mom, he has problems controlling himself, throw in puberty & middle school, behaving like a brat, is the only thing he can control in his life. You are mature enough to see his side, but he is too young, to under stand your side, all he knows is that he can drive you crazy,just let him know that you are here to stay, some day, he will under stand. Best of luck to you, you love your husband, it's worth the work & effort to save your marriage and family.

Answer 5

I am sorry to say it but at 12 years old it may be to late but this boy needs a belt on his A*S. I had a stepdad from 3 years of age so i know its dirrefent, but at 12 i am sure he feels like is is a young adult although we know he is to young, maybe try giving him some space, talki him into a small job, mowing yards around neighbor hood or something to earn his way, but do find something he is interested in and bond with him but do remember he knows you are not his MOM, dont try to replace her, but be more of a friend for the time being. As an adult, listen to the 13 year old, he has the closest relationship with someone this age, but remember what ever you try you MUST have your husbands support and he MUST back you up.

Tim
USN

Answer 6

Ohh sounds bad, Im thirteen and I have a 12 year old friend who has ADD/ADHD, and I know how to control him. His dad (mom recently passed away) set up a system. You make a board w/chores and a checklist. For every chore completed you get allowence money. But any lie, or misbehavior or anything else, money is ALL taken away and has to be earned back.

Just a suggestion

Answer 7

I have been in this situation and our marriage was a casualty of it. Ironically, the kid turned into the nicest person I have ever met around age 17. You need to seek family counselling and possibly medical help for the young fella

Answer 8

i will start out telling you that if your not carefull it will tear your marriage apart. i have a 16 yr old girl that her real dad killed himself when she was only 2 but when she was 6 i got with the man i am married to now. and we have been through hell. me and my side of the family always babied her and give her everything she wanted because i felt guilty for what her dad done.when my husband would get on to her i would jump to her defense even when i knew deep down that he was in the right.we got into church and i have changed the way i handle things. i realize now he is the man of the house and i submit to him as i should. we had to become one and when he said something i had to learn to stand beside him. now she hates him and has had my sister get custody of her and my side of the family tells her that if i really loved her that i would leave my husband. my point is that you and your husband are gonna have to work as a team, united as one. i can only hope that my daughter realizes that we love her and only want what is best for her. i really hope this helps. good luck and GOD BLESS YALL!!!!!!!!!!! if you ever need to talk you can im me tootsjrfan. or email me at [e-mail].

Answer 9

it truly is an fairly intense problem. this happens usually at the same time as females that age are on the internet loose rain devoid of supervision, intense punishment is so as. a large style of ladies that age imagine that is "cool" that older adult males favor to consult them, and the internet is an area the position she will be "18" and stay in an imaginary international. eliminate any information superhighway/telephone privileges at the same time as she is over at your abode. i'm telling you it truly isn't any deep rooted psychological problem, it really is a touch lady on a means vacation. I see this all too usually, and that i'll admit at about 13 years of age I had an same problem, I purely outgrew it finally, yet issues can get undesirable quickly and something should be finished about it. also, you want to the contact CPS about this lady's mom, because I truly have a feeling this abode is a nasty surroundings. I wish you the finest of success, once you've anymore questions experience free to the contact me.

Answer 10

You never mentioned about his mom. How long have they been separated? Maybe he misses her and feels that "you " broke them up OR they could get back together but your in the picture. Have a serious heart to heart with your husband. Or maybe you could tape it and present your hubby with the evidence. Don't give up on the kid, he is starving for attention. Also about the add, is he on meds... get him on some or change his diet. Check out the feingold program,it is interesting stuff. Good luck!

Answer 11

Sounds like my boyfriends cousin (who is bi-polar) the whole family says he has "problems" and hands him money and anything else he wants. Have you tried talking with your husband and maybe the boys mother about this behavior as well as specialists. Doctors will tell you NOT to give into every whim. Good Luck and I know how you feel!!