How do I stop feeling angry?

Question

I'm looking for something I can say to myself to help me calm down when I get angry.

I often get angry with my partner for really unimportant things, and then it morphs into this huge anger-monster that just tears me apart.

Does anyone have some advice?

Answer 1

Being angry is a choice, because anger is an emotion, and we all have the capacity to control our emotions if we choose to.

Look at what triggers 'anger' in you, and work on that. Think before you speak, or act, take deep breaths, and before you demonstrate anger to another person, ask yourself how you would feel if that anger was aimed at you, the few seconds it will take you to contemplate this will give you a few seconds to consider your actions.

Find ways to relax, if it's only lying down listening to classical music, or yoga, or pilates or something. Channel your energy into something more focused, make better and positive choices.

I decided to do this 30 years ago, and for 30 years people have commented widely that I never seem to get angry, and I don't.

Answer 2

Often anger can be a defensive mechanism - especially when baseless. It can be a way of pushing people away...distancing them when they are in your 'space'. You have to ask yourself 'What am I GETTING from this behavior'? What do I get as a reward? A benefit? There has to be a 'Pay Off'...of some kind. Ask yourself if this silly thing is really worth the argument. Learn to see the difference between something really important and when it's not. Pick your 'battles' carefully. Reserve them for the things that actually ARE important.

Answer 3

You need to work on your self esteem. You have to expect more of yourself. And importantly, you need to understand the importance of respecting your boyfriend. If you treat people badly by taking your anger out on them, they WILL walk away and you will be left in your own mess.
Talk to him about the problem you are having, explain that you know you are doing things wrong and want to change it. Then when you feel the first warning signs that you are losing your cool; Tell him, and have a plan for how he will not support you in abusing him. If he just walks away and leaves you to boil up alone, you will soon see that you are creating this for yourself.
Practise explaining your feelings to yourself with 'I' messages: I am feeling angry because I have a problem accepting...etc.

Answer 4

Do you have unresolved issues with your partner that need to be cleared up?

When you start to lose your control, get as far away from the situation until you can think clearer.

eg. walk around the block and use this time for processing your thoughts and to settle yourself then come back and finish what you were saying in a controlled manner.

You need to develop new habits and throw out the old.

Been there I know what you mean.

Answer 5

once you start to feel angry, if you are standing up, sit down or if you are sitting down lie down. If you still feel the urge to fight, go to the bathroom and have a shower. If that doesn't work go back to him and just hug him without a reason and things will probably work out then.

Answer 6

easy. substitute anger with happiness. enjoy a chocolate ice-cream treat. enjoy the christmas lights. enjoy the jazz music playing in the background of the bookstore. enjoy the lilttle things in life. :-)

Answer 7

you can always take an anger management course. Our county has them here where I live, maybe there too. Check with the schools as well.

Answer 8

Walk away .take a shower go shopping {use his charge card}
Just don't say a word think it all you want .That's what i do Good luck

Answer 9

Thinking positive thoughts
praying
therapy (if its that bad)
being alone and going something u lik

hope this helps!!!

Answer 10

anger management classes .praying .therapy. taking a walk .grow up.