Fight with my boyfriend? Should I be upset?

Question

My boyfriend and I got into a fight on Thanksgiving day. I asked him when his court date is for the divorce proceedings with his ex. He told me he hasn't even filed the paperwork yet. The papers were signed by both of them back in early August. He says he is sorry and that he has just been lazy and forget. Also, he didn't have $300 to pay for filing them. I feel really hurt and upset. We have been together for almost 9 months and he is still technically married. What do I do? We kinda made-up over the weekend, but I am still disappointed.

Have you been in a similar situation?

Honestly I did not know he was married still (seperated) until after we were dating for a month. He didn't tell me until then.

Answer 1

i haven't been in a similar situation but seriously.... 300 isn't that much to come up with, and being lazy does not fly in relationships.

i don't know whay you should do, but you have EVERY right to be upset.

i think there must be a reason why he is not motivated to move on with his life other than laziness and lack of money.

Answer 2

I can only imagine how this must feel..... I think he should have been open and honest with you about it the whole time.. He is either commited or not to YOU... I do not really like divorce, but I understand it happens, but to tell the truth, YOU are with a MARRIED man, and that does upset me some what..... but, you have to decide now on what YOU are willing to put up with..... the lazy excuse is an old one, and has been used by married men thru out the ages to justify cheating and keeping another on the strings for the just in case thing... like just in case the ex decides to take him back, but he is not lonely or alone during the meantime, or doing without the ummmmm, other things !!! sorry, but over this period of time, 9 months, I would think he could save $300 to get th paper work started........ dont you ??? God bless

Answer 3

Well, maybe he's unsure of just who he wants to be with. On one hand, he might want to stay with the wife(You said he didn't file the paperwork) because of how long they've been together and the time put in it. (Think materials...) Now on the second hand, he could be gun-shy to start something with you, due to it being a new adventure. Uncharted waters, so to speak. Nine months is quite awhile, and I'm sure you should at-least get an HONEST answer about where you two are going.
(Here's something...Don't put out until he gives you an real solid answer, or you get to SEE the copy of the papers filed. Hell, I'M A MAN so I'm giving you a kink in our armor, just don't TELL anyone!!!)

=)

Answer 4

Hi, matter of fact I was in the same situation. I was dating a guy who was separated for 4 months and we met at a golf tournament. We got teamed togeather and hit it off. He and I talked and he said that it was over, that they had nothing in common after all and they had been married for 3 years and togeather total 8 years. After about a year he asked me to move in and I asked if he was through with the divorce. He said that the papers had been signed but that he just didn't feel like dealing with the petty deal of what was his and what was hers ect. I explained that I didn't feel right moving in if the whole thing wasn't completed. He said he understood and that he would take care of it. Two months later I asked him if all was okay and he said he missed the appointment with the lawyers and that he really wished I would just lay off. So I did. I explained to him that there must be more to the situation than he is leading me to believe and that if he just wasn't sure that he wanted to go through with it he needed to just let me go until he decided. I did the old movie scene and said to call me when he decided what he wanted. I went on with my life and got a call a few months later. He was drunk and he wanted to come over. He started talking to me like a friend instead of the partner that I thought I was and it turned out that he didn't want to get the divorce, he just felt like that both he and his wife were just not wanting to work at it. I choked back the tears and said that maybe he needed to go to that meeting, express his feelings and see if there was a chance for counciling. He did and it didn't work. Then again he came back to me and wanted to try to start over where we left over. I again had to choke back the tears and tell him that I thought he needed some time alone to regain himself because I wasn't going to be his fall back. A year later he called me, and he was a whole man again and things have been going smoothly. I still haven't moved in, but we are starting over and it is wonderful. He realized in his time alone what he needed to do in a relationship, and also what he wanted. I say just let him know that you aren't going to be his fall back. If he really cares, he will do what he has to, to deal with the ex and then work on himself so that he can be with you. Hope this helps. Good luck, don't forget who is more important besides God, and that is you.

Answer 5

You see how he isn't keeping his word and you feel how his actions are hurting you and you still want to be in a relationship with him?Things are not going to get better so if that's what you're hoping for than you are living in denial.When some one really wants to be with some one they climb mountains,meaning they will do all things possible to make It happen,you know this,so where does that leave you ?Waiting on another woman's husband to divorce her and marry you..Then your turn will come and you will walk in her shoes.Leave the relationship if you want to be happy.

Answer 6

What are you doing with a married man? I'm sure you can do better. There are plenty of people out there that are not "lazy", are not married and can be more responsible with their time. What makes you think you are not the girl he will chill with and coast for a bit with before he moves on to the next best thing.

Its time to move on to something better!

Answer 7

I've have been in the exact same situation, he told me they were divorced, i had to find out from a friend of his. I had to help my boyfriend fill them out and even take them to the court.you have to help men to get the ball rolling. Also he can file a deference of payment till after the divorce or make payments. So you need to tell him how you feel, and if doesn't want to get divorced i'd say bail...Trust me my boyfriend had a kid too...

Answer 8

Its ok to be disappionted and forgetting isn't an excuse but maybe he's been so caught up with your lives togather the last thing on his mind is his ex. she gone she's yesturday news. save up and set a date to go file then celbrate let him know that you want to get it done. It would mean alot to you.

Answer 9

yes i've been in this sistuation for 18 years,my *** hole has not got one either money is always the excuse so 18 years and three kids later here we are the same way .the only way that we are still together is that he is gonna take care of his kids so paper work don't mean nothin unless he is willing to comit that is a way out of commitment to you i schould know.

Answer 10

i think u should ask him if he still loves u and if he says yes then ask him why he still wants 2 b married 2 his ex because if he says i dont then wait a little while in to the relationship and if he still wont get divorced u should definatley dump him ok good luck!!!!!!!