Question for the wives AGAIN! , more details this time....?

Question

I am 25 married to a woman I find very attractive and love very much. we have sex once every 2 weeks if you average it out. I know she gets off on her own a lot more than we have sex because she has admitted it to me. I doesnt seem like she is attracted to me because she never says anything much at all. and it always seems like I am the one who initiates it , now if she fills something out online she says her favorite thing is sex and she loves it , blah blah blah , but once in 2 weeks does not seem like a favorite thing to me. Does anyone here share the SAME scenario as me?

Before you say anything let me give some details:

Together: 6 years - sex has always been like above.
Married: 9 months
Child: a 2 1/2 year old
I work full time
she is a housewife, but is not cleaning and working all day as some do.
I help with A LOT around the house. dishes, garbage , laundry about 50% of the time.
I always try to make her feel attrative and wanted
I Take her on dates

MORE DEATILS :
She should not be tired as she can stay up till 1:00 watching crap on TV

I buy her lingerie only to see it worn maybe once, the collection is growing

I bring her flowers

I tell her I love her every day

I get a lot of time off from work to spend with her and our child

she gets to sleep in till 9:00 every day till I leave for work

I try to give her as much excitement and attention as I can in this relationship

did I say we still go on "DATES"

I am pretty attractive I would think.

I dont only last 3 minutes or anything in bed.

I am passionate towards her

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Bottom line ---- What Am I doing wrong? or should I just stop wanting to have sex with her , because that would be damn near impossible because I love her of course.

Answer 1

Wow...my husband could have wrote this...

I have been married seven years (have two children ages 6 and 2) and have become separated (haven't filed for divorce yet)...for me the sex was always bad (and I do love it...which is something he would never believe). I will say you do a lot more than he ever did but it doesn't sound like you guys are going down the right path...you are not doing anything wrong, it is her. I know you love her but you have to stop most of the things (the dates, flowers, etc...) they are just a waste right now...she is a full time housewife so the fact that she is not even cleaning etc... sound to me she might be depressed (how is she with the kids)...she sounds like me almost 100% (I should mention that I work FULL TIME...always did since my kids were 3 months old both) but instead of watching tv till 1am I would rather play poker or be on the computer (which pisses him off)...for him I am always tired he says, but when it comes to other people or things he says I have energy...which I guess is true.

You're gonna have to sit her down and have a really good talk with her or go for some marriage counseling before it is too late...

E-mail me if you want to talk...

Answer 2

No and I know you love her but does she really care for you?
I am a mom of two girls aged 3 years and 5 months. I'm not working right now and my husband helps me with the house but here's the difference I love my man and sex is at least every day or every other day.
She is lucky to have you.If you still take her on dates then something is very wrong with her. You need to sit down and talk to her about this. Yall need to find someone to help yall or your never going to make it. Good luck to you.

Also I don't think she really cares for you or there is one more thing and don't say this can't happen cause it did to me. It might hurt her during sex. You need to ask her or chat with her soon cause something is really wrong. Even though she has had a baby doesn't mean she is stretched out any. Her body goes back to normal. But anyway what I am saying is maybe it hurts her and she doesn't want you mad at her so she just doesn't tell you or she just doesn't love you and maybe you should go your separate ways.

Answer 3

You said that she only had sex with him the first time, and that was a year ago. She only talked to him this time? Is she cheating again or just talking? Why is she talking to him? If she still works under him, I agree, she needs to change jobs if at all possible. Also she needs to turn him in for sexual harassment if that's the case. I went through this, a boss who makes you feel like you can't keep your job, unless you comply. But I wasn't married. It's going to be hard to trust her. If you love her and are willing to watch the situation to make sure that it doesn't go any farther than talking, than I would make the effort. But you can't be so jealous as to be afraid every time she talks to some guy. But talking to THAT guy is not a wise thing to do. If you can forgive her for what happened a year ago, make sure she's satisfied at home, and feel that you can trust her not to let it happen again, then there's always hope that she'll be a good and faithful wife. The best of wishes for you.

Answer 4

You are not doing anything wrong. There's not a lot you can do. Women just don't reach their sexual peak until much later. Usually after the child bearing years are past. This is a cruel fact of life, and I am sorry to be the one to tell you this. I remember being a 25 year old woman, and I know I was very sexually attractive, but it just didn't do much for me. I usually had sex to please my man. Now that I am much older it's different. I can completely empathize with men now, and I really could have sex several times a day. But now he can't handle that.. It is an awful fact. Life sucks, and I am looking for younger men.

Answer 5

Well it sounds like you are a good husband
Im not married anymore but was for 13 years and iM currently in a serious and intimate realtionship and I feel married most of the time.

I want to address that although if you are working you shouldnt be doing 50% percent of the work as well, however staying at home with the kid isn't as easy as one would think I couldnt wait till my children got of age so I could go back to work because it was more stressful and harder being at home. Perhaps she is not organized and her time management skills arent up to par. But although you go to your job everyday and get to have intelligent converstaions with others adults she is stuck at home running after, cleaning, teaching, entertaining and nursing your child. I have four Kids but I was dead tired everyday with one. So if she needs a hand with the house work you as her partner should pitch in I mean at lease you get days off and vacation and holidays wives and mothers do not it is a 24/7 & 365 days a year job for 18 years +.

I don't have the same Senerio as you never did but I can say that once I decided to have children my husband and my sex life took a back turn to night feedings, bath time, dinner, story time, school functions ect... Now with my new relationship we are both older and yes I would love to lay in bed with him and make mad passionate love however the reality is we have jobs cause the Kids need things and so do we, and alot of time we are are tired and just sleep in each others arms which is better that sex sometimes. And You know what we are only making love on the weekends but neither of us are complaning.

Most if not all of us women have gotten in the habbit of pleasuring ourselves cause sometimes you men just dont do it right or your just not around. nothing wrong with it. However I think you should talk to your wife I'm sure she loves you and finds you attractive unless You have changed your apprerance (let yourself go) men tend to do that and it is a turn off, just as it is for a man when a woman lets herself go. Perhaps she is just tired. If you have to take initive then do so a closed mouth never gets feed... Sometimes in marrages you need to add spice to the relationship do something different boring same ol sex is a turn off too, but try to communicate your sexual needs with your wife and if that doesnt work just pluck the shet out of her really good and leave her wanting more, im sure she will coming begging for more.

Answer 6

Firstly, self stimulation is always a higher plane than most men can give. (Somebody really ought to teach you guys.... and for openers, your penis is for your pleasure, your mouth and fingers are for hers!!! )
Secondly, you may not be as good as you think you are in the bedroom. Every woman should come with a manual ....."How to Make Love to This Woman" Well, we don't have one attached, sorry. Read the book listed below. It is worth every dime, and it is THE bible of sex therapists. Get some of the author's other stuff too. And also be aware, that women have ups and downs, that at times lasts for years. It isn't that she doesn't care or love you, but estrogen is really no match against testosterone as far as libido...

"For you Both" by Lonnie Barbach. Get it cheap, and at your house by Thursday in paperback on Amazon.com

Answer 7

Problem #1: you had the baby before you got married. Problem #2: You most likely lived together as a family before you got married.
These things make marriage so much "just a piece of paper" and she's probably feeling this.
Moral of the story: Don't play house if you want it to last forever!

Answer 8

Hmmm, I dunno. I'd say she just doesn't "like" sex as much as some other people do - but then why would she be listing it as one of her "favorite things"? Perhaps she really isn't attracted to you as much you'd like her to be. People "settle" in relationships - maybe she "settled" on this particular issue? Doesn't mean she's not happy with you; it's possible that everything else is great. Kinda like if my husband loves movies, and I don't - both of us are "settling", but there are a lot of other (more important) traits on which we are compatible. I don't know, I'm just guessing, don't know if this is the case in your marriage at all. Perhaps, if everything else is well, you just have to accept that you might have to always initiate intimacy.

Answer 9

First of all let me say "YOU DAN MAN!"

I just got married in March of this year, however it feels like forever and we are having this issue. I do it myself because it's faster and feels great! My hubby is great in bed but, he makes sex feel like work. It should be spontaneous and fun. Flirty even. you have to work up to that, like through out the day call and say I cant wait to see you and i love you even tell her on the phone things you want to do to her. then you will build up this tension and once you get home, she will be in full birthday suit mode. or theres always the unexpected trip out of town where naughty things are destined to take place.

Answer 10

not being disrespectfull but it sounds like she may be a little lazy and that can have a lot to do with wanting or feeling attractive and wanting to have sex. If she didnt love you or was not attracted to you she would probaly not be with you. Just sit her down and try to find out if there is a deeper reason for this.