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II am a beautiful person inside and out. My husband does not communicate with me about anything, never takes me anywhere, and always puts me down. We have been together for 15 years. I cannot take it anymore. We never make love. He doesn't touch me at all. Everybody likes me because I am very friendly and out-going....except the person I have been with all those years. I fell like I have wasted all my time on the person that does not care. He works hard, pays the bills, cooks sometimes but it's like he's got a secret. Please give me some answers.

2006-11-27 09:38:29 · 17 answers · asked by peanut44 4 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

17 answers

I'm sorry to hear that. Obviously your husband has the problem, don't let him make you think it's yours.

Marriage should be based on love and respect. Communication is a huge part of it, especially when you have been married to your husband for 15 years. If he respected you, he wouldn't feel the need to "put you down" all the time. If he loved you, you would still be "intimate", and he would be happy to have you with him when he goes out.

It sounds like something else may be going on with him, pay attention. The fact that he "works hard, pays the bills, and cooks sometimes" means little since he would probably still do that even if you didn't live with him.

What you have with your husband is not a "marriage", you deserve far better. It takes two people to maintain a relationship and I think you are one short!

Good luck, I think you have some decisions to make.

2006-11-27 09:53:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

This is my first time answering a ? so bear with me...it sounds like from your paragraph that you know your a beautiful person, so then why would you allow yourself to be treated this way, have you ever heard the expression, "Don't find someone you can live with, find someone you can't live without"? Intimacy is so important in relationships, the touch, the feel, everything from each others smile to handholding, to lovemaking. Have you done something to try and add some spice to the relationship? Like planning a secret rendezvous or a weekend away? All relationships are built on trust, and if after 15 yrs.of togetherness, your not sure, it's time to figure it out! Usually a woman's instinct isn't wrong. Maybe check pay stubs to match up time at work with pay, make him account for money spent, check phone records and/or etc...I sincerely wish you the best

2006-11-27 18:02:23 · answer #2 · answered by rtistictodd 1 · 0 0

Maybe you should try and spice up your love life a little. Go all out light some candles, put on some sexy lingerie,do something different to your hair, and get some nice body spray that smells good like cookies or candy something that makes you want to eat it. If he doesnt pay you any attention then you really need to sit down and talk to him and see where things are going from there. And dont look at it as a waste of time, look at it as a learning experience maybe there is something that you will do differently the next time around if this doesnt work. Do be shy with him men dont like that. Go wild on him sometimes drives men crazy. They dont want someone that is afraid to do something that is a little wild and crazy every now and again

2006-11-27 17:50:30 · answer #3 · answered by mrs.tinsley_2006 2 · 0 0

Yeah he is either cheating on you and feeling the guilt or he has fallen out of love with you either way you have to sit down and talk.
This is no way to live a marriage and he is holding something from you he most likely doesn't talk to you because he is ashamed for what he has most likely done. I do feel the best remedy is to ask if he wants a divorce it may be blunt but it may open the communication gap between you too. God Bless and Good Luck.

2006-11-27 17:45:14 · answer #4 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0 0

Sorry to hear about your problems you’ve encountered during marriage. Based on the information stated, I believe your husband has grown out of love with the woman he married. Is he cheating is a very good question because you mentioned he pays the bills, in today’s society an average household must consist of both parties supplying solid incomes to complement each other’s need/wants. If one member feels he/she supplies more than there equal share constantly this could lead to major problems. Studies show the number 1 & 2 reason’s for divorce is ‘Sex & Money’. Let’s face reality, there’s plenty of women that will be delighted to have a man that will meet them halfway financially and do some of the things you mentioned. ‘Facts are’ relationships consist of Work! Work! Work! It sounds like your husband feels like his work is done financially. No fact, he could or could not be cheating however, not making love to you has helped him to get over the physical/mental aspects of the relationship thus causing him to distance himself. My subjestion is you should try to obtain happiness and rebuild your on selfesteam. The rest will work itself out in due time.

God Bless!

2006-11-29 12:43:33 · answer #5 · answered by kam2jeffer 1 · 0 0

It is cheating that concerns you, or the fact that your husband acts like you're not there, and doesn't enjoy being around you? I would be much more concerned about the latter, regardless of whether or not cheating was involved. I don't know what you could do to fix this relationship, or if it's even possible; sometimes one has to start anew, it's hard to say what the best course of action could be in this situation.

2006-11-27 17:50:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Okay you need to sit down and have it out with your husband, most marriages fail because of lack of communication on both sides you have been married 15 years isn't your marriage worth it?

I can't tell you if he's cheating he might just feel as neglected as you feel. the only way to find out any answers is to tlk to him it's not good for you to continue much longer with these doubts it'll start to rub off on him and any children you may have.

Sort it out all you might need to do is tlk you have nothing to lose if you feel he is already lost to you.

Remember what it was like to be in love with each other focus on it. it may be you just forgot and need to remind each other.

Good luck.

2006-11-27 18:00:04 · answer #7 · answered by Genipher17 1 · 0 0

I can't say whether or not he's cheating, but it definitely sounds to me like you need to get out of this relationship. There are so many men out there who would give anything to be with a great woman. Find one.

2006-11-27 17:42:14 · answer #8 · answered by Jess H 7 · 1 0

I can't say if your husband is cheating or not. what i can tell you is that if you don't love yourself and demand more from him . beleive me he want give u more. most of the time we are creators of our own promblems . just remember that your happiness should be important to him,but if it's not then it should be important to you. i hope that i was able to help . please get this book it's called thepower of a praying wifeby STOMIE OMARTIN .may god bless you and your marriage pray if you really want to know if he's cheating god will give you the answerjust be perpaired for the truth if you are not ready pray to become ready. MAY GOD BLESS YOU.

2006-11-27 17:49:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

He may be cheating but he just may not be in love with you anymore.It sounds like maybe it's time to call it quits and find someone that makes you happy.Life is too short to live it unhappy.

2006-11-28 04:04:07 · answer #10 · answered by tarzan's lady again 3 · 1 0

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