What do you do with a partner that wont do anything for themselves?

Question

I have a partner who wont do anything for themselves. The door was locked and he was leaving the house and he just stands there whinging the door is locked instead of looking for the key. I ironed his jeans and he saw me ironing clothes but this morning he woke me up and was complaining that his jeans are not ironed when they were right in front of him. He does nothing around the house not even mows the lawns. He works and travels but this dependency is realy upsetting. He cant be bothered in doing anything. He even has difficulties in putting out the trash. Its just like he wont help anymore. He cant even be bothered in putting his plate in the sink or his coffee cup but leaves them around the house. He ridicules me that me house keeping is below standard but he does nothing. we have two small children and its like having three small children.

Answer 1

Anyone who is telling you 'just leave him' obviously doesn't have any children. Choosing to leave someone when you have kids with them isn't a decision one should make lightly.

But...

The main thing that worries me is that you said he 'ridicules' you for your housekeeping skills, yet does nothing himself. Unless he is a very understanding, empathic, intelligent and confident man, this won't change. I suspect that somewhere down the line you may well find that you have completely run yourself into the ground trying to please him when ultimately he may never be pleased.

One thing you can try is to talk to him about how you feel- if you really need to (like it's not obvious enough), remind him that he must accept how you *feel* as it's one thing he can't discount or deny. They are your feelings, it's how you feel. Full stop. Tell him that you know he doesn't want to make you feel used/taken for granted/tired/worthless/whatever you feel, but that when he refuses to take responsibility for himself you can't help but feel that way.

Ask him (calmly, don't be accusatory) if he wants to make you feel badly. If he doesn't, then remind him that when he refuses to take responsibility for himself, it makes you feel very badly... If, of course, he *does* want to make you feel badly then... well... you'll have your answer.

Good luck... and please don't stick around if he's being emotionally, verbally or physically abusive towards you.

Answer 2

Tell him straight either he starts taking responsibilities or next time the door isn't locked tell him to shut it on his way out. Don't put up with it you have 2 kids to look after. I share all housework and taking care of the kids. When they get older they will do it to you too as that's what they see him do. If he thinks the house is below standard then give him a duster.

Answer 3

I think I would do a couple more things for him....pack his junk, set it outside and open the door for him to leave. Wave goodbye and find someone else. Unless you like having a child for a bf you really should reconsider your criteria for a bf. After all, while you are bf/gf this is as good as it will get EVER! So if you like the idea of a "man" who can't help and is helpless when you are raising children together and can't find his A** with both hands and a roadmap, then my dear, you have the bargain of him. If not, do yourself a favor and cut the umbilical cord and set him free. Go on, you deserve so much better than playing wet nurse to a grown "man". Good luck!

Answer 4

i think of your spouse is merely infantile and throwing tramtum. He could be mature sufficient to no longer react in this rely. perchance, he merely needs interest from you, and desire which you would be miracle sufficient to study his techniques consistent with hazard you're able to think of two times whilst going with this way of guy. it would be a no longer common time for you, to continuously be the single to tease him to be chuffed or understand him, jointly as on the different hand, he do no longer something, yet take you with no attention

Answer 5

sounds like he needs a taste of reality, leave him with the kids for the weekend or so and then he will appreciate how hard your job is and respect you more.

perhaps u should get on to that show that teaches fathers how to handle there own kids and wifes responsibilities.

Answer 6

stop doing things for him. He has you very well trained. He sounds like he has NPD
How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
(a) Just one -- but he has to wait for the whole world to revolve around him.
(b) None at all -- he hires menials for work that's beneath him.

Answer 7

honey....stop doing these things for him...he's taking the mick...it's like he's taking you for granted...tell him how hard it is to juggle kids along with the chores and everything else he WONT do for you....give him a kick up the @rse and tell him to stop being so bloody lazy...he's way out of order...just stop doing stuff for him and let him do it himself...if he does not then tell him to get his own place if he thinks your housekeeping skills are not up to scratch.,....the cheeky bugger...better still, send him home to mother.....

Answer 8

he has obviously been spoilt , now, you have two choices , you can go , or spend the rest of your life { for richer for poorer ect . ? does that still apply } trying to change him . good luck Gorgas I just know you are going to do the right thing

Answer 9

Sounds lke a tough gig. evidently he still needs his mother around

Answer 10

ha ha i thought i had just written this and what is worse is one of our children is just like him aaaaaaaaaaarh.
I just stand there and go "sorry i don't know" and walk away while he has his hissy fit!!!
It is starting to work though

Good luck