a toddler and I live with my bf of 3 years in HIS house...anyways, I have brought up the subject of me getting a job and it seems whenever I do this HE automatically accuses me of either "planning on leaving". Cheating""abadoning our child" He works mostly out of town and earns about80,000-100,000 a year and claiMS i DONT NEED TO WORK then he will get bitchy and go buy me the things I say I want a job for (like clothes,kids toys) and say I dont need a job, well the things is I WANT a job, I need to get out of the house and make my own money and he just doesnt see that, I dont work right now and I hate depending on him, I feel like a child, I have told him this and he says "whatever" he is 32 years old...since he works out of town alot, how do I get him to pay for daycare in the beginning at least, he refuses just so I cant work...HELP.
2006-11-27 09:05:11 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Work at a daycare! I used to work at my sons' daycare and got 50% off of the tuition plus I got out of the house. tell him you want to get out of the house more so you won't get bored and that your toddler would love to have more friends. then explain how working at a daycare will benefit you both, you and the baby! if you have to tell him you will only work partime, which could be half days all week or just a couple days a week. so it won't interfere with housework and won't be "abandoning" your child
2006-11-27 09:14:38 · answer #1 · answered by Get_R_Done_n_Dallas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you thought about getting a job in a daycare center.. that way you will be able to bring your son with you.. he cant say your abandoning him because he will be with you.. he cant say your cheating cause mostly women work there.. the pay is not so great so he cant possible think your using that as a excuse to be able to leave him and they are monday thru friday so you will be home on weekends.. if that dont work for him ask him if you could watch a few kids in his house so you could fell like your earning your own money .. i am not sure how to do this but i hear there are all kinds of internet business that can be run from home.. i will just bet a few of your anwers you get from this queston will give you some ideas..i wont waste my time and telling your that your lucky to have someone not want you to work because that is a double engde sword.. tell him if anything happen to him you would not be able to take care of your self or your son because you would not know how .. that is the other side of the sword to which he is offering.. and if he dont have a will made out or life insurance policy in your name if something happen to him then your and son will have nothing to fall back on except ss for your child which aint much
2006-11-27 17:18:25 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there are a couple of issues here.
Yes, it appears he wants control. The salient question is why?
Was he abandoned before? Cheated on by another woman?
We can all sit here and say how irrational his fears are and what does that make us? Him! That's right. He is saying that it's irrational for you to work. How is that any different from us saying it's irrational for him to fear losing you.
If he won't sit down and have a mature discussion about this, willing to work out an agreement that both of you can mutually accept, then it will not work.
Same for you.
You've got to put all the ideas on the table.
He has to let you put your ideas for working on the table, and you have to let him put his ideas for your NOT working on the table as well.
Sure, you can dig in your heels and say it's your life. You are free to do that.
But if you two are living together, your decisions impact him and vice-versa. So either of you demanding your own way is selfish.
If he can't have this discussion with you or you can't have it with him, then end the relationship.
There is a reason why he wants control or fears losing you. Do you want to explore it, or just judge him harshly for it and further alienate yourself from him.
You choose.
2006-11-27 17:20:03 · answer #3 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum. Assure hiim that you dont plan on stepping out, sleeping around, or anything else. Let him know that its not really even about the money, but about getting out and having some adult interaction. He gets it all the time. He isnt your boss, tell him to screw off!
2006-11-27 17:15:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a controlling jerk. This isn't normal. If you WERE considering leaving him, I would not blame you one bit. Talk to a trusted friend or family member, ask them for advice. Or call a lawyer, take the child, and run.
2006-11-27 17:10:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey honey, site him down and talk to him, tell you only want a part time job and you want to help him out you guys can do this and you want to pay the child care and trust me he will take that, do what you want to do i know he your man and you just think he should be the man an see, i think he loves you soo much and at the same time he has to9 learn to trust you.
2006-11-27 17:17:39 · answer #6 · answered by SHEILA K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you are fed up leave him there are plenty of men in this world who would appreciate a good women like you you dont need to take any **** off of him just save up enough money and take your kid leave there is nothing he can do in less it is his kid you have.the toddle then you need to check with a attorney.good luck
2006-11-27 17:19:50 · answer #7 · answered by little_bear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to go to counseling with you so that he can listen to your point of view.
He certainly seems very insecure and possessive, based on your story. I'd suspect we are not hearing everything, and you may not even KNOW everything you need to know.
I wish you luck.
2006-11-27 17:11:44 · answer #8 · answered by Leo F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
their is state help for child care, its child care connections
2006-11-27 17:09:30 · answer #9 · answered by sandra m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋