We've been married for a while and have a kid, but my husband is very abusive verbally. He doesn't think anything is wrong and when I suggest marital therapy, he says I'm the one that needs it, not him. He is always telling me I'd be nothing without him, I couldn't work if I wanted to (I worked at jobs and was a good employee for many years before we got married). I do everything for this guy and my son, and he even abuses our son, too. If it weren't for the fact he was the breadwinner, I'd have left a long time ago and taken out son with me (he asks me when are we gonna leave dad already?).
What to do?????
~FRUSTRATED
2006-11-27 08:59:05 · 31 answers · asked by miamis.girl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was in your exact situation and I told my husband repeatedly that I was unhappy, and that I wanted it to be over. He refused to acknowledge me or deal with it so I cheated on him and then told him about it. All I can say is .. DONT do that. Ya. It was harsh, even for a relationship gone sour. I hope you find a better answer and I hope you find your chance for happiness. I found mine, but not without consequence.
2006-11-27 09:02:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Verbally abusing you is one thing, but allowing him to abuse your child is unexcusable.
Leave him with your child and go to a relative or a friend.
Find a job, and possibly someone that can care for your child while you work.
Let him know that not until he seeks professional help you and your child will not be back.
You are putting you and your child in a dangerous situation it sounds like he wants to be in total control.
Seek help... There are many women shelters if you do not have family support.
Good luck and I am sorry you are in that situation.
I was once in the same, but my husband went to counseling and became a wonderful dad and husband. Been married for 28 years.
2006-11-27 09:40:48 · answer #2 · answered by Matty A 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation. I am in NY, but where ever you are, you need to leave this husband of yours. You need to go to a shelter for domestic violence, because verbal abuse is still abuse. Call 1 800 621 HOPE and tell them you want to go to a shelter in order to escape the abuse. You will have to get on public assistance to feed yourself and your son, and they can help you get an apartment that you can maintain yourself (Section 8 or other housing programs). They will also help u get a job. Good luck and don't look back.
2006-11-27 09:19:25 · answer #3 · answered by ?girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds very bad. I know he said this in a hateful way, but many times, you going to counseling alone can make a big difference. It can teach you how to handle him and eventually, if it's the right thing to do, to leave him behind and make a new life for yourself.
Although he says you need counseling yourself, I suspect he would feel very threatened by it if you actually started going. See if you can go in secret, maybe while he's at work and your son is at school.
Anyway, I wish you the best. You've only got one life, so you've got to start doing what you need to do to get the best one possible.
God bless.
2006-11-27 09:03:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You've waited around to long thinking you were going to change him. It's time to leave. By staying the only thing your doing is telling your son that his treatment of you and your son is deserved and expected. Your son could grow up to be just like him if you don't leave. There is welfare and as you mentioned you are obviously capable of holding a job, you don't need his money.
Good Luck
2006-11-27 09:02:43 · answer #5 · answered by espressoaddict22 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first i don't like telling anyone to get a divorce but if you know that things will not work out for the better then get up and leave. you and your son would be better off without that kind of influence over your heads.secondly no one has the right to put you down you I'm sure don't do it to him so why should you put up with it yourself.and finally to have someone take care of you financially does not mean you have to be miserable about it, there are heaps of government agencies out there that would help women in your situation you just have to take the first step.
2006-11-27 09:07:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You tell him via a lawyer.
In other words, you should leave the jerk. He's never going to change bec he sees no reason to change. Unless you want to be dragged down to his level of worm, then you need to leave. See a lawyer and find out what your best moves are (document finances, etc). Then leave.
I can tell you that it's far better to be on your own than in a relationship in which you are treated like scum. If nothing else, if you stay your son will learn that women are scum and to be treated as scum. Is this what you really want?
2006-11-27 09:03:18 · answer #7 · answered by Karen L 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Being a family is not easy, Moms are far from perfect. Your mom probibly has clutter because she feels the need to nest or may be depressed thoes things also cause controlling attitude. Things may not be as rosie as you think for her. If you dont want to deal with her issues then you need to get a job and go out and support yourself, put yourself through college buy your own car and insurance.. If your mom loved her clutter more then you , you would not have the car for her to take away and you would be putting yourself through college, shall we talk about the other little things you dont think of. food gas shelter, books, electric, heat, medicene. Good luck
2016-03-28 22:01:40 · answer #8 · answered by Jane 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't know the total situation BUT IT'S ALWAYS A BAD IDEAL to be 100% dependent on a man. You should have been working now and you should have your own car own bank account. Maybe your husband feels he can control you because you are not being indepent. If you leave or not is up to you the bigger issue is you need to supporting yourself. You can not expect to be a single mom with no job. you should not allow this man to abuse you.
2006-11-27 09:04:45 · answer #9 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey if your son wants to leave daddy then you better find a way too and do it soon. My mom kept my dad for whatever reason saying she felt bad for him because hes was an alcohlic but in the mean time me and my sis had to listen to his abuse up until the day he died. And because of it we both have our own issues to deal with and we are adults. You need to get on your own two feet get a job save your money.....do you have other family or friends you can stay with until you get your life together???? You better take your son out of that situation or hes going to grow up messed up in the head. And we have enough of that in the world because of asssholes like him. Get out and dont wait.
2006-11-27 09:04:23 · answer #10 · answered by michelle 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i say you need to just leave his *** tell him you dont love the person he has become.You can do it with out him and thats not good for your son.Belive it or not if you stay its telling you husband its ok so he will keep doing it and it will effect your sons life even though he hates what he dad does it will take over when he is older.i've seen it happen a million times your husband is slowly brain washing your son into being a jerk and he already has you beliveing some what that you should deal with it because if you didnt want to deal with it you wouldnt LEAVE HIM BEFORE ITS TO LATE FOR YOU AND YOUR SON
2006-11-27 09:06:48 · answer #11 · answered by tracemiss 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋