I'm a 20-something year old unhappily married mom of 3 great kids ages 5, 3, and 2.. Lately I've found myself bored with my eveyday life and feel like I need more. (More than just raising my children, taking care of an ungrateful spouse and busting my a$$ at work) The only satisfaction I have now is with my children and my job. Sometimes (today for example) I dont want to come home from work. I dont drink, so I dont go to bars or anything like that, I dont have any friends to hang out with because my life revolves solely around my family. It seems that the only time I have to myself is the 25 minute drive on my way to and from work, and the 30 minutes before going to bed at night and engaging in the same ol redundant routine ALL OVER AGAIN. It's so hard to talk to my 'husband' about it because he doesnt actively listen and it will just turn into an argument. I'm done arguing. Can anyone offer any USEFUL advice?
2006-11-27 08:56:21 · 16 answers · asked by TN 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Welcome to marriage 101. Hubby probably feels the same way you do. With kids 5, 3 and 2 you guys have NO time for each other, less for yourselves. That's why you are unhappy. Cheating will bring you the excitement you crave but will destroy you, your spouse and most likely your kids. (and don't say you haven't thought about it because you will be lying). Divorce will do the same thing but you will be remarried within two years and back in a worse mess than before. You and your husband are nothing but zombies going through the motions and the only light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. Try to remember what it was that made you want to marry him. Then make an appointment to see a marriage counselor. If hubby refuses to go ... go alone. You HAVE to get a third party perspective on your life and soon. One last thought: if your children were sick you would give them your blood, your kidney, your LIFE to protect them. So would your husband. Why is fighting to save your marriage for their sake any different?
2006-11-27 09:10:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you.. Almost all moms go through that. There could be many reasons why you feel that way.
You could be clinically depressed and need a little help to get out of the rut you feel you are in. You may need a person to talk with to just get some things off your chest that are really bothering you more than the obvious stuff to other people. You need to make you happy. If you can't be happy with yourself then you are not going to be the best for your children.
When I went through post partum depression the best advice I got was to stop on the way home and pick some wild flowers or bring home take out and say to your hubby that you have provided dinner for him and the children and you just need a little alone time and go take a leisurely bath with a few candles burning. Make time for yourself and do one thing a day to make you smile. Not something for the children or your husband or a good deed at work, something that only you can appreciate. Make yourself special and then the rest of the day will seem a little lighter.
2006-11-27 17:42:57 · answer #2 · answered by Sally V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you have your hands full with the little ones and a house to take care of and hubby. . Try getting a baby sitter even if its only a few hours a week just for you to get away. go catcha movie get your hair done have a 1 hour massage or get your nails done someething just for you.. also asked your husband if he can pitch in and stay home with the kids while you go out for a few hours just to get a breather . and try not to come down to hard on your husband he's at work all day trying to keep a roof over all your heads and food on the table i know your working too. but many men dont' know things are wrong unless youcommunicate. I'm sure if he knew you were this down he'd look after the kids a few hours tuck them in have there bath and read them a bed time story before he goes in watching tv.
You just need a little breathing space. and it could'nt hurt every saturday night or when your budget allows it to get a babysitter or have mom take care of the kids while you and hubby get out of the house and do something just the two of you. I'm sure he feels the same way working all day comes home to wife and a loud house of kids screaming he too could use some R&R.
Good luck
2006-11-28 00:09:39 · answer #3 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am the husband she is talking about, I work I do help around the house, I do cook (sometimes), laundry and bathe and put the kids to bed at night when im not at work and keep them when she wants to get away for a while so for the record I am not ungrateful. Id just like a spouse that didnt act as if she doesnt love me and not even want to be around me and act as if she doesnt understand how bad that hurts. Most women would love a man that does these things so whats wrong with me???
2006-11-28 14:42:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with you, a lot of people go through these same feelings. But, not fully knowing your situation it makes it hard to answer this question. Being devils advocate, maybe your husband is feeling the same way and it's the lack of communication on both of your parts that you feel this way. Wouldn't it be sad to let a marriage fall apart because you are afraid of confrontation. Marriage is not easy nor is having a family stick together. But lack of communication is really what breaks up most marriages. I would suggest you try counseling for yourself first. Then try and go as a couple. The only reason I ask you to go first, is to make sure you are not the problem. Once you are sure that it isn't you, then you can work on him and the marriage. But you have to be willing to save it first. Good luck to you.
2006-11-27 17:15:00 · answer #5 · answered by Brandon S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with you. Look around at the world. This is a stage in your life that most of us go through. You need to find a constructive outlet. Something to do by yourself or with your spouse. Maybe with the whole family. Make a goal and reach for it. Take a class that interest you. You meet new people that way. Talk to your husband. Tell him you don't want him to fix it you just need him to listen. Maybe you can come up with a solution together.
2006-11-27 17:28:05 · answer #6 · answered by weezy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you guys could use some counseling together. There is no reason you should feel this way about talking with your husband. You can add some fun to your life doing family activities if you and him enjoyed each others company. If you need to get out why not join some type of class ? Why not sign up for pole dancing. That will be tons of fun, great exercises and a great opportunity to meet other women.
2006-11-27 17:04:11 · answer #7 · answered by JustMe 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with you sweetie,you are in a rut,you are getting no entertainment,or outage in your life.Your life is boring,and all you do is go to work and come home and thats your life,no wonder you are bored....The reason you don,t want to come home from work is because you know whats going to happen when you get there,but we go cause thats just what we do .....i know you have heard the phase " all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"I know you love those kids and you probably love your husband but everytime you see them ,its just the same old thing huh? Well don,t you feel guilty,you are perfectly normal,you are young,and working,and have tons of responsibility....You need to have a serious talk with that man of yours and make him listen to you,if you don,t get a response,then say hey maybe we need to get a DIVORCE,that will awaken him...You and your husband needs some outside activity,away from the children....Once a week or on the weekend you and your man need to get out ,see a movie,eat out,and enjoy yourselves....then once in a while you need to do something togeather with the children....If you have family there ,go visit them..If your husband is unwilling to do thid,then you leave him with the children and do something for yourself once a week...Life in its self is dull,you will have to spice it up...use your imaginetion.....
2006-11-27 17:23:03 · answer #8 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with you. Your husband should do more to help you out. I try to do as many things to help my wife as I can , we only have one child and she is the stay at home mom , but I still do the dishes, take out the trash, and anything else I can. does he work too (he better or he should be doing EVERYTHING but working). Maybe try some counselling, talking with a person can be hard to do if all they want to do is argue, but do your best..... You sound like A perfect wife to me, dont get down on yourself, but from my personal point of view , dont go cheat , if you wanna get with someone else, finish what you have now.
2006-11-27 17:03:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get a sitter for your kids, and take your husband on a date. Try to change the atmosphere of your mar rage.
You could try counseling, but he might feel you are putting the problems on him.
If all else fails, at least you tried.
Good Luck
2006-11-27 17:17:53 · answer #10 · answered by David Y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋