My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. We have both cheated at least three times on eachother. All of this came out in April when I told him I wanted a divorce. We have three children. The two older are his from an X, but bio mom talks to them about five times a year if they are lucky. I have been mom for the past 9 1/2 years (not legally). We decided to stay and try to work it out for everyone's best interest. Since then I have been able to accept the fact that he cheated and move past it, (after all I did the same thing, who am I to cast stones). He still has a problem with my cheating. Sometimes we are good and then sometimes he brings it up just to start arguments. I've tried to leave but can't bring myself to do it. I still care for him, but I don't see us together forever. I am afraid of causing more hurt than I have already caused. I'm also afraid of losing the two older children. I'm caught between what I want and what I should do.
2006-11-27 08:51:21 · 13 answers · asked by Chick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Learn to commit your marriage to God. Be honest and open with your husband. Encourage him to do the same. you both have been hurt so deeply... but God can heal those hurts and restore the love in your relationship.
Learn to pray. Pour your heart out to God. don't use nice polite prayers. Express your anger, your fear, your disappointments... God wants you to be honest with Him.
Recognise that you will only do more damage if you leave. admit that you need help and seek counsel - godly counsel. Is there a minister you know? A friend who is a Christian?
Don't give up! Don't walk out!
God can make your marriage stronger than it has ever been!!!
Really!!!
2006-11-27 09:02:14 · answer #1 · answered by happy pilgrim 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very descriptive and very clear about what you want. You're being torn between your responsibilities and desires. It isn't easy.
However, I feel you should leave and move on. Maybe being separated for a while might bring some perspective to both of you. And maybe you might find someone else that you feel passionate again.
As long as you realize that you are responsible for your child, making sure that your child cannot suffer because of your separation, things should be manageable for you. It helps if you can be financially independent, for starters.
But the most important is you need to let go and move on. It isn't easy to do. But that's probably the right thing to do for yourself. Else, you'll be hurting yourself with guilt and frustration, which isn't good for anyone.
At least the space and distance might only let you guys appreciate each other better. Just make sure you're prepared first. And just go for it.
Good luck.
2006-11-27 09:09:48 · answer #2 · answered by houstonian352000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay for the children, but stop arguing. It takes two to argue, so, when he brings up your cheating, leave the room. Tell him you're happy to talk with him as long as he doesn't bring up stuff you've both forgiven each other for, and then stick to that. Be firm, and don't allow yourself ever to argue about the cheating issue. Once you start arguing less, you'll enjoy being together more, you'll see.
2006-11-27 08:57:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is any chance on patching things up, you would both need counseling, if not than you better start thinking of the specifics of separation, finances, and the children. This is pretty sad, both of you cheating on one another, I feel more sorry for the children because they pay the price even more than you two.
2006-11-27 09:09:49 · answer #4 · answered by John E 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Experts will tell you that an affair isn't a problem...it's a SYMPTOM of a problem. Have you thought of getting some counseling as a couple or as a family? Affairs are sometimes a hard thing to put behind you...but it's not impossible..I hope everything works out for you, sweetie.
2006-11-27 09:15:42 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that the children will be fine. it isn't good to stay in situations like this, and you both have valid reasons to divorce. you are both audulterers.
i think you should follow through with the divorce if you don't think that counseling could help your husband, but maybe it would be a good thing for you both to try it anyway.... maybe he can learn to let go of the resentment since he did it too.
2006-11-27 08:55:13 · answer #6 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is tremendoues..Sounds like my marriage..I have been with my husband for 16 yrs,and we both have cheated..I had left teh marriage for 2 yrs to find out if I really loved him or not.i went back to him and regretfully ,I am still not sure.If neither of you are "inlove" with one another anymore,then let each other go.Try to explain the children the best way there is.*(if there is any).and hopefully you can remain friends for your childrens sake.Dont deprive each other fo finding true love with someone who is meant to be with either of you.Listen to a song by ELVIS."Seperate ways"..it was my life story when I was going threw it..Best of luck to you and your whole family in a dificult time and desicions..
2006-11-27 08:58:29 · answer #7 · answered by Brenda V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to get a DIVORCE come on that is crazy! You are not being fare to your kids if you keep cheating and resenting each other. Its either DIVORCE or work it out! Keep your p-ssy under control for the kids sake!
2006-11-27 09:07:33 · answer #8 · answered by Love Child 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would seek help and counseling for your marriage first before calling it quits! Talk with him and see if he still loves you and wants to work on the marriage. Work on it and see what happens first. If the marriage does not work then divorce and the kids will adapt and whatever happens will happen.
2006-11-27 09:01:30 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he honestly loves you , then leave him , save him the pain and suffering of thinking he loves somone but in reality they dont love him back. you guys both messed up by cheating, its kinda ruined. maybe you will both be able to find partners where that lame stuff doesnt need to happen. Do it for him , do it for yourself. Why let someone think you love them when you do not. I would ask my wife to do the same thing if she was in your place. But that is just me.
2006-11-27 08:56:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋