What is "showing appreciation"?

Question

I don't undesrtand the concept of showing appreciation.
My husband runs his own business and pays all the bills and he says that I need to show appreciation for what he does.
I manage our house. (including the dogs) Plus I work part time for him without pay.
I'm also a full time college student and I'm always busy.
he wants me to work more at the house, making him special dinners all the time. I'm not even a cook. but I try. (actually, I hate the kitchen) but he wants me to go buy ingredients that we don't have late at night when I'm done for the day. He is into food and likes to be treated like a king. I don't give in all the time. I think that he is being abusive. He asks too much and he makes a mess in the house.

he says that I don't show appreciation and that I just don't get it.

Answer 1

I don't think I'd call it abusive- let's reserve that word for physical or mental violence. I think you are too busy to be the kind of wife he was expecting, since he's into food and you're not. Can you have food delivered to your home? Many stores offer online ordering with delivery. I think something has to give. Either give up your college studies, your part-time work, or him.

Answer 2

I've noticed that a lot of show Border collies have longer hair. When herding, it is better for them to have shorter hair, in my opinion (and in many others), because it doesn't get tangled in long grass, it's easier to keep neat, etc. But I have seen a couple medium length coat Border collies herding, just none with a really long show length coat. Seeing that everyone so far has mentioned that... That really means nothing, haha. Or like what Mutter said. Some show BCs are bred for looks, herders are bred for intelligence (which makes sense, if you ask me. The only dogs show breeders ever seem to produce are classically marked black and white, fluffy BCs. The reason the breed is so smart is they have never been bred for looks, which is why they can be any color under the sun, can have any coat length, and even have a pretty wide weight range for a smaller scale medium sized breed), and so it is argued that show breeders are ruining the breed. Or I suppose with banned coloring in certain breeds. The "silver" lab probably has the potential to be a fine hunter if trained properly, but the coloring means no shows for them. That's kind of the other way around though. ADD: or i suppose the AmStaff is a good example. According to some people that answered my question yesterday, the Amstaff and the APBT started out as the same breed, but the Amstaff had the "game" look bred out of it so it would be show quality. So pretty much every visual difference between Amstaffs and APBTs are for show...

Answer 3

It sounds like you could both benefit from some marriage counseling.

Do you have to work outside the home? You are tired from having too much on your plate. He also sounds too demanding.

I would ask him to sit down with me on a Saturday morning and plan out a menu for two weeks at a time. Include recipes and write your grocery list together. Plan once or twice a week for eating out or grabbing some fast food. See if you can agree together.

It sounds like you both need to chose what is more important.
Work or home. Explain to him that you can't keep up with both. This doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a tired one. If he wants home cooked meals, then he has to give up something too. Maybe he needs to pay a secretary to do your tasks.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like he does not see you as his equal. He sees you as a slave to him and it's quite sad. You need to level with him that you are doing more than your share as well and if he thinks he deserves so much darn appreciation, then he needs to start doing the same to you. Maybe you switch off cooking dinner for each other, maybe you make dinner together, he cleans up after the dogs if you feed them, etc...you have to establish equality though...my guess is that his Mom took VERY good care of him and that's the problem you're now having.

Answer 5

Appreciation works both ways. Ask him how he shows you the same appreciation for all the things you do.
If you can afford it, hire someone to come in to cook specialty dinners a couple times a week.

Answer 6

Wow does he want a wife or a slave?

Why not say i do appreciate what u do, however u set up ur buisness for urself not me. I will love u whether u have ur buisness or not. I do not enjoy cooking but i will show my appreciation in another way, when i have time as like u i have my very own impotant life!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Are you complaining to him about things like he is to you? Maybe you both are just overworked & by complaining or grumbling about stuff to each other you take is as not being appreciative? Maybe need to focus on trying to give each other compliments & thanks thru-out the day? :) Best Wishes! You need a little R&R together, possibly? ;-)

Answer 8

Maybe he doesn't know how hard it is doing all the chores you just mentioned. Maybe he's one of those really old-fashioned, chauvinists.

Answer 9

He sounds controlling and unappreciative of you. Do you want to stay in this marriage?

Answer 10

IT SOUNDS LIKE HE DOES NOT APPRECIATE U !!