I mean when your own dad isn't able to love you it takes its toll. That mixed in with the craziness of him using the words, "I love you" but his behavior and actions were far from loving and actually opposite of it. In any case, it has deeply damaged me over the years in the choices I have made relationship wise. I got to a point where I deny myself of all loving potential because of the hurt I carry regarding my dad. So, now that I am older and understand in my head that I deserve love, how do I really grasp that belief and manifest it and let go of the injuries that were ground into me via my father?
2006-11-27 08:30:09 · 6 answers · asked by Salsa 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
i can so understand you... I'll tell you only one thing that i realized through my own experiences..love yourself, everything can go wrong, but if you love yourself and treat it good, at least you'll be happy. and when you do that, you'll be able to understand and open your heart to others....good luck, every person deserves the best....
2006-11-27 08:36:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the first thing that should be addressed is the fact that you know why you have denied yourself for so long. Accepting that your father did not love you the way you needed to be, is very important. Now that you identify the problem you can now understand it for what it was and move on. The one thing i have learned is that you can not blame your parents. You can learn from their lacking and vow to be a better person, parent, wife, etc... If you would have had all the love you craved you would never have known what it is to be denied, thus you can learn from and be support for others where many can't relate or help. I wish you the best, live and learn sweety, that's the only advice I can give and hope it helps, t.c. Randi
2016-03-12 23:54:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, breathe, and now take a deep breath....relax.
1. Realize that you may have to reach out to some counseling for help....that could also be counseling with a support group, or regular counseling....Some ministers and priests also counsel...but you have to ask them for an appointment. And you may feel free to go to a church where you don't attend, to stay anonymous. When you go to counseling, at first have an idea what's bugging you....from Item 2 below.
2. Make a list of what's bugging you - write down all of the bad things you were told by anyone, the bad names, and bad feelings from them, how that made you feel, and whatever you want to get out....yes get out and write it down...on What's Bugging YOU!
3. Make a list of what qualities in others you admire, and see how you may have some of the same qualities. See what you want to do with your life, what new talents you want to pursue, and places you want to travel, what education you want....and remember education is something that can never be taken away from you.
4. Now take the What's Bugging YOU list and tear it up and throw it away because it is in the past. It served it's purpose by making you realize what bugged you....and any time you start to be in a bad mood, write it down...and now you know....tear it up and throw it away.
5. Smile, yes every time you pass a mirror, a big smile. You are starting to take back control of your life. You can start to feel better about yourself. You have a right to be happy.
6. Now you are learning ....something very important...what did not work in your life, and how you don't want to be treated, so if anyone starts to treat you badly, recognize it and realize that they are toxic for you. I don't care if they have a million friends. They are not right for you....and that's the most important person in your life.
7. You have a Right To a ROCKING RELATIONSHIP!
8. When you take back control, you will start to attract those who add to your life. You will attract good friends, and you will notice when you are not being treated right.
Remember always you have a right to a ROCKING RELATIONSHIP!.....NOW you go for it!
2006-11-27 08:46:30 · answer #3 · answered by May I help You? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When people are victimized over a long period of time the one thing they generally get from it... is that they learn how to be a victim. They come to believe that's what they are and that that's their role in life.
Don't be a victim.
And the way you stop that is to change it, and the way you change it is to take responsibility for how you feel and face life just the way it is.
You do deserve love, and you deserve to love yourself. And that will become entirely real to you in the same way you came to believe that you did not deserve love; ...over time. If you determine to think and act on the premise that you're deserving of love...over time that fact will become as much a 'gut level' reality, as your doubts have been until now.
And forgive your dad. Not for his sake, but for yours. If you fail to do that it will be much more difficult to accept and love yourself. In setting him free, you will set yourself free.
One more thing, Salsa. You've said that you want to "let go", but no one lets go. You have to 'replace'. You can't let go of anything unless you replace it with something else. And in your case, that's the committment to think and act...as someone worthy of love. ...And you are.
Good luck! :)
2006-11-27 08:50:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A really good professional counselor/therapist... because you do need to sort of go back and allow yourself to feel everything you've shoved in a closet for your whole life. You need to grieve the loss of that love and acceptance... and grieve the loss of a normal relationship... and then forgive him for the way he behaved... and then accept the best life has to offer for yourself.
This can be work.
It would be best to work one on one with a therapist who can help facilitate the process so you don't get stuck in any one area, you know?
You are SO far on your way... just to understand that the reason you make the choices you do is because you were so affected by the past. Now it's a matter of getting over it.... but sometimes you have to go back THROUGH it in order to really truly get over it. I hope that makes sense.
Best to you...
2006-11-27 08:36:47 · answer #5 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know where you are coming from...my father left a little after after I was born and havenever met him....I had trouble with guys too...I found a guy that was pretty patient with me...we've been dating three years now and I couldnt be happier...find a guy that is willing to understand where you are coming from..mine showed me his love through actions and words.
A good guy will help you through it.
2006-11-27 08:52:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a cool solid boyfriend, and maybe a little counselling
2006-11-27 08:34:45 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋