she had an afair with a co-worker for about two months. she claims to have only slept with this guy once but has been to his house several times. while at his house she said they use to talk about her problems and he would try to console her. as the friendship grew so this the desire to be intimate with this young man. after trying 4 times she finnaly gave in to him. she claims that the young man couldn't keep an erection because he had been drinking and he took some ecstacy. i don't believe a word of it. she claims that he was smaller than me and that she felt bad afterwards and she couldn't believe what she had done. i wanted to believe that she was sorry but she went back to him. she said that it was no sex involved but that they just talked because she knew she couldn't talk to me. do i trust her and let her back in my life we share three kids and a beautiful home. i love her and want to forgive her but i cant stop thinking about the past.
2006-11-27 08:30:02 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It isn't significant how many times they had sex, neither is his size... this is information that will not help you in any manner. What is important is that you don't believe her, that you obviously don't trust her. She sought out an emotional release that she couldn't get from anyone else, that she was unable to ask of you. If you want to forgive her, seek counseling, individually and together, and don't be impatient, it took time for it to graduate to the point you are now, it will take time to heal.
2006-11-27 08:35:08 · answer #1 · answered by frogsandweeniedogs 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you man. And I congratulate you for having the strength to try and work things out - sometimes you cant. Let her know how much it hurts you, and I suggest you get professional counselings (group therapy). If you can't get over it, then there is no point staying in a false marriage. I've been down this road, you just have to look forwards and not backwards. time will heal the pain and learning from the past is the only way we can improve our future, take your time and good luck with the path your walking down, remembering that your not walking it alone for that's why it's a path, many have walked it and many more will.
2006-11-27 08:57:29 · answer #2 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only you know if you should give her another chance or not. If you do decide to give her another chance then dont hold it over her head and bring it up everytime you have a disagreement. I suggest that the two of you seek some counseling, sounds like there are some issues between the two of you that need to be worked out so she feels like she can talk to you again. Oh almost forgot, congrats on the size thing, "you the man".
2006-11-27 08:33:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really sorry for what you're going through right now, but I would personally don't believe your wife! I'm mean why is she still seeing this guy, no matter if whatever happened between them two, it was wrong! It was cheating! Now someone who is really sorry...would do anything you tell them to do so they can be forgiven or would treat you great! Has you wife done that??? I don't think so...plus if she can't talk to you about her cheating, how can a relatioship work between you. I'm sorry I think you deserve someone better....unless if you want to give her another chance and you put her under your own terms! I truely hope that everything turns out best for you.
2006-11-27 08:53:21 · answer #4 · answered by Maria A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She MAY have quit cheating? She wants to stay friends with her lover-pot dealer? She grows pot on your property???? Not sure how to start. ONE- Her growing pot on your property can cost you everything. Your home, car, furnishings, bank accounts. Everything. The cops take it all when you get caught growing pot. TWO A woman that chooses pot and lover over husband isn't worth worrying about. THREE Buddy, you need to remember your job. You are a parent. Being a husband is nice, but your duty is to your children. End the marital farce, and consentrate on taking care of your child. Your wife will be fine- stoned and screwed by low lifes.
2016-03-28 21:59:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u can think about the past but unless she is really doing something right now, u need to stop obsessing about it, as u did take her back. u have not dealt with your pain and it does take time to get back the broken trust. be the man who she can talk to, women look for an emotional connection,someone they can talk to without getting bashed or someone always throwing things up to her. she needs to stop seeing him, u need to tell her flat out that if she keeps seeing him that u have your limits. u need to make it crystal clear to her that there are consequences. just try and communicate more, she needs someone she can feel safe talking to about anything. if u have 3 children and a beautiful home than it certinly is worth saving. just be there for her emotionally, let her know she can trust u. maybe she was reluctant to communicate with u because she feels maybe your not easy to talk to.
2006-11-27 12:44:58 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, my thinking is if she has done it before she will do it again. Why would you stay with someone who has caused you so much heart ache? It will be hard but I think you should just move on and find someone who appreciates your self worth. Don't put up with that stuff because life is too short and you shouldn't spend so much worrying and being miserable in a marriage. What if she does do it again? And again, and again. Move on. I for sure wouldn't stay around to find out because once is enough for me.
2006-11-27 08:35:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't be sure she won't do it again. That is the risk you take in keeping her in your life. Will you be able to forgive her and trust her again? What troubles me the most is that she saw him again after coming clean with you. She should not have sought contact with him for any reason. What this tells me is that her remorse is not where it should be and she doesn't respect you enough to do the right thing.
2006-11-27 10:00:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you know people make mistakes in life. the next time tell your wife to invite this kid over and sort of talk to him and tell him to leave your wife alone about sex. set him straight that your wife is off limits and tell your wife if she still feels for him well get a divorce you would win because shes cheating on you and she knows she would lose you and the children. ask her this is this kid worth losing your family over ? i think not! if she still wants him than get a restraining order on him . hire a Private investigator and get prove of them cheating that would be helpful in a court of law. well just looking out for you man . i hope it hasn't have to come to that point.
2006-11-27 08:43:41 · answer #9 · answered by richardstz19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she betrayed you and to rebuild that trust will take a long time. i think you should seek some counseling or talk to a trusted friend. also she needs to figure out why she went to this other man to talk about her problems instead of talking to you. good luck with everything
2006-11-27 08:36:59 · answer #10 · answered by jdchick48 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋