Question for Wives!?

Question

How many wives out there have sex with their husbands because they feel they need to, maybe it should be how often do you do it for that reason. I ask this because for the little amount my wife and I have sex (some of the time once a week, sometimes less, once in a while more) it seems like my wife is just doing it for me. in the end we are both very satisfied but it still feels like she does it for me because it always seems like I am the one who says and does everything. If I wanted to just have sex with no care about how the other person feels about me I would have found a prostitute when I had the chance years ago but I am not that way..... If your going to suggest going on dates , me helping out with things, and all that stuff , belive be , I have done it and still do it. I have never felt like I have tried so hard for something with such little outcome. I have even lost 30 lbs (5'10 190 now) in hopes that I may seem more attractive to her but still to no avail.

We have been together for 6 years , married for 9 months, have a 2 1/2 year old. Sex has always been odd because she acts very sexual , talks about it , but when it comes down to it, its just not there

Answer 1

There are married men all over the world that wish they could understand this one..................

Answer 2

First- call your wife into the room and ask her the question you've posted here....

The obvious problem you guys have is communication.

I don't know how long you've been married, but if you want to have a great sex life- you both need to share with each other what works and doesn't work while you are having sex.

You maybe too rough or too fast or too slow. She may be embarrassed by getting on top or trying new things. Her religion or upbringing might inhibit her in expressing her sexual desires. If this is the case, you have to reassure her that nothing the two of you do is "nasty or wrong" (unless it's really, really gross and that's a WHOLE other question) and you always find her attractive.

You may want to think about your day to day life as well...Are you BOTH happy with other things in your life besides sex? Most women can't just "shut off" their day and do you...it continues when they get home from work, deal with the kids, laundry, dinner and way into the night...If you find that she's having difficulty sleeping, her daily stress is continuing into the evening as well.

Also- if she's on hormone based birth control, the hormones may be inhibiting her sex drive...that happens sometimes.

Women like to talk and share their feelings...take this opportunity to do this...she'll love you for it. Maybe she'll love you for it more than once a week!

Answer 3

There could be several reasons. Here's a list of possibilities from my own experience and that of girlfriends and some suggestions for solutions:

1. She doesn't feel attractive after having had a baby, even 2 1/2 years ago.
Solution: Compliment her, often. Take her out to dinner just the two of you, go back to dating once a month with no kid, and make it something you dress up for. Make her feel like she's still the special lady in your life. Buy her a new dress to wear in the style she likes and then make sure she knows how attractive she is in it.

2. It could be painful for her, especially if she had to have an episiotomy during delivery.
Solution: Time will heal this one in most cases, but it can take years. Her doctor can also suggest some treatment option for it.

3. She's tired. Taking care of a baby/toddler, housework and working if she does, all make women exhausted and sex is the last thing we feel we have the energy for.
Solution: Help out. Leave work early one day a week if possible, pick up the baby at the sitter's and have dinner waiting for her when she gets home, even if it's just takeout or you grill burgers on the back steps. If she doesn't work, come home and take the kid from her, send her off to enjoy a hot bath/shower while you fix dinner. Pick up the toys that are laying around. Help her do the laundry. Put away the clean dishes. Vacuum the front room. Take some of the load off of her and let her know you appreciate her.

4. She feels her 'role' in the relationship has changed since having a baby. She feels more like a mother now and less like a lover.
Solution: That dating thing again. Yes, she qualifies for Mother's Day cards now, and that's important to her, but she still needs to feel like she's the same woman you fell in love with in the first place. Arrange for someone to take the kid for a weekend and spend that time just with her doing things you did before you became parents.

5. Hormones change with having a baby, even years later they can still be at different levels.
Solution: She should talk to her doctor about this one, he can test to make sure everything's at normal levels and suggest some treatment options if something's not.

6. Your weight change. Has she told you she likes slender buff guys? Maybe your efforts to 'improve' yourself have actually made you less appealing to her.
Solution: Ask her how she likes you. Believe it or not, some of us women don't like thin guys.

7. Depression.
Solution: She should talk to her doctor about this, and if it turns out this is the case and he does prescribe medication for her, make sure you're supportive and make sure she knows you still love her.

Answer 4

This is hard for me because it is the exact opposite with my husband, however, if afterword she is happy that it happened, than maybe you should have all day long foreplay. Like when you leave in the morning give her a long deep loving kiss, and maybe leave strategically place love notes around the house saying what you want to do to her, or even just that you miss her or that she is beautiful and sexy. Maybe the first couple of times that you do this don't expect sex, just hold her and tell her the same things that you did in the notes. This more than likely has to do with her feeling that you are attracted to her than the other way around, people sometimes need a jump start. Just be patient, I hope she comes around.

Answer 5

I am a woman and honestly, I don't always feel like it either. But, out of love and respect for my husband, I do it. It doesn't mean that I don't enjoy it, it just means that maybe I've had a busy day or maybe the kids are jumping on my last nerve.

You should consider yourself fortunate that you have a wife that cares about your needs to do something that she's not in the mood to do. I know of other women who would just not do it at all and couldn't care less about your needs as a man.

Answer 6

i have sex with my husband at least 4-5 times a week HOWEVER I'm nearly 36 weeks pregnant right now and sometimes i do just do it for him. A good % of the time i also want it too just not so much recently being so close to delivery. I know there have been times he was not totally into also in the past and only did it for me. It's a give and take thing. You scratch my back I'll scratch yours thing with my hubby. You should try to talk to your wife about bedroom issues the longer you let things go you grow more resentful and angry let her know. she sounds like she just likes to flirt maybe you both need a marriage counslor
'

Answer 7

You should never let someone in your personal life. I know. Married 6 1/2 years, together 11 1/2. Have 6 yr old with him. We just got divorced because our marriage wasnt ours anymore. Be happy and take nothing for granted.

Answer 8

Maybe she just has a low sex drive. Have you tried to talk to her about this? Every persons sex drive is different. And also maybe she doesn't feel good about her body. There could be a million different reasons. The only way to find out is to talk to her.

Answer 9

Many times it's a self esteem problem, and has nothing to do with you. She feels unattractive, and inwardly wonders how you could want to be with her, especially after a child. Being over weight kills so many people's desire and causes inhibition. If you love your wife get into counseling and let her discover what the hidden truth. You can not have a healthy relationship with out intimacy.

Answer 10

You don't say how long you have been married, but you may be reading the situation right. Women and men have different sex drives at different times of their lives,sometimes due to stress, hormonal changes, birth control methods, etc. I know I have sex with my husband because its what he wants, not me, but I am in my 50's, we've been married over 32 years, and its what happens with menopause, would you rather she didn't have sex with you when that happens? We have sex with our husbands to keep them happy, isn't that why you get married?

Answer 11

Well....to start off...not all women are that way. Maybe you should talk to her about this "sexual slump" that you're in. Tell her exactly how you feel. But for her defense, there are some things that affect womens sex drives. It could be that she's just stressed out, busy, or a hormone imbalance.

My advise is to talk to her