I know to most people this sounds penty and selfish. I've been married for 25 years and it seems like my husband would like helping others than me. We have to get into an arguement before he'll do some of the things I ask him to do for me. Which it sould be anything in the house and he starts calling himself a house b-----.He'll be in the middle of doing something for me and somebody else gets his attention. He then drops what he's doing for me and go help them. It's not just for women either. So guys help me understand my man.
2006-11-27 08:08:30 · 17 answers · asked by butterfly 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can't really say I can help, but sometimes we guys tend to think that we have to do lots of things to feel we're good as men. It's almost as if we have to please everybody. I don't think is a good idea but some guys just do.
2006-11-27 08:12:05 · answer #1 · answered by OnlyTheGoodDieYoung 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
operant conditioning
n. Psycholog.
A process of behavior modification in which the likelihood of a specific behavior is increased or decreased through positive or negative reinforcement each time the behavior is exhibited, so that the subject comes to associate the pleasure or displeasure of the reinforcement with the behavior.
so when you want him to do something say please. try not to nag or sound like you have authority over him. ask him in a manner as if you're a helpless little girl and you need a help of a big strong man like him.
after he finishes to do the task for you say thank you everytime. a little peck on the lips is always good. or maybe get him a beverage that he likes. every little thing you do or say to him counts. he'll notice little things.
doing things together is also a good thing.
i don't know what your situation is in your house but you two should go out and have some fun. if you guys already do that then good job.
2006-11-27 16:21:35 · answer #2 · answered by mikosaints 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of us do things because we get some feeling or exchange. Men want to feel like the things they do are recognized and emotionally rewarded. Men also do not like an endless list, especially without interim rewards. Try being nice to him and make him feel like what is asked is important to you both and recognize him with thanks, even praise for a job well done. Talk about how you feel when he drops thing and spreads himself around and work out a way you can both feel good about things. If he seeks " honey, come see", he is asking for praise and thanks. Most of all use honey straight from the jar, in excess. Surprise him with an emotional treat. Positive emotions associated with tasks will get a lot more tasks completed. And you might even have an overall improved relationship. I always want that approval, especially from my significant other. My parents are deceased but my parents and teachers provided basically what I have described. Good Luck.
2006-11-27 16:20:34 · answer #3 · answered by Joel Wadsworth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, that's just the way men are.
You've hung in there 25 years, give it a rest.
Do what you can and hire someone for the rest.
While you and your husband go to the lake for a nice sunny day.
He loves you or he'd be gone.
Just be glad for what you've got.
Some women are better at asking for everything,
than being thankful for it. What's his reward.??
2006-11-27 16:15:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too have been married for 25yrs and my wife used to get the same treatment when she asked me to do some jobs or a job for her.
But then she realized that after working hard all day and week i just wanted to relax but she also knew that i would get the job done just not at that moment.
So i guess PATIENCE is the key.
2006-11-27 16:15:53 · answer #5 · answered by Ted Reid 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he is bored at home and wants something more.. And helping others gives him that... Perhaps you should have a sit down and a talk with him, find out what is wrong...
Perhaps if you can get a break for a while, and see if that helps things...
2006-11-27 16:13:01 · answer #6 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of something that may keep his attention to doing stuff at home maybe give him some motivation. For example hey honey can you look at this door it's not closing properly then after that maybe you and I can have a quickie.
2006-11-27 18:01:28 · answer #7 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sound like 25 years of being treated like a child instead of a partner has finally caught up to him, he is at a point where he doesn't need or want to be told what to do, it's time for him to be the adult but do it on his own schedule not anyone else's, sounds like he taking control in small steps
2006-11-27 16:13:26 · answer #8 · answered by mohvictor 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he may feel that some of the things you want him to do , you could do your self after all this time , it also gives you a god feeling to help some one else , you don't get the same feeling from helping your wife/ partner
2006-11-27 16:17:28 · answer #9 · answered by beefcowsboy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a nice guy. Remind him when he returns to finish his job for you. Repeat as necessary.
2006-11-27 16:13:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋