been dating a great guy for 2 yrs and plan on getting married next yr.hes a divorced dad who is great with his kids never misses a school function allways pays his child support on time and goes out of his way to help his ex.the problem is he cheated on his wife 2x and left her for the second gf(was not me and did not last long)he said he was never happy in his marriage and his wife was awful to him and controlled his every move.i have met his wife more than once and everthing he said about her is true.i asked him if he was so unhappy why did he not just leave and he said its not that easy when you have kids.he said he wanted to do the right thing and try and make it work. i want to believe him as he really does love his children but i'm just afraid he will do the same thing to me.men can you answer this can a man be driven to cheat by a controlling wife?
2006-11-27 08:04:15 · 34 answers · asked by carriemartin0990 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You bet. He has had lots of practice and it is not new to him so he can and will do it again.
2006-11-27 08:06:12 · answer #1 · answered by Kokopelli 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This man has already demonstrated his inability to maintain a commitment...that's what marriage is a commitment to a person....yes, of course you have many different situations that effect your actions. If you have tried all available courses of action with a spouse and you can't gain resolution over your problems then you should seek a divorce. If you use the "I was never happy" defense that's why I cheated on her...blah, blah blah.... YOu can take this to the bank this guy will cheat on you eventually.
It's really about what your concept of love really is. Are you hooked on the lust that initially comes from the strong sexual attraction to another? Yes, but you must know that this lust eventually fails regardless of whom you're with and is replaced with a deeper love that transends you over time. It's what will get you to the end of your time on this earth with this other person.
What happens is eventually the "lust" wears off and the shallow person thinks, "I don't feel the same zing....something must be wrong...I think I have to find another". So the person finds some more "zing" in another relationship....thinks, "This must be love" and finds another shallow person where they together think they're in love.....usually this ends up in disaster when either they get caught or they leave their spouses and try to make their new relationship work.
You BF seems to be that type of person...he really wants to have a relationship but once committed he finds that the zing is out of his life and he will probably get sad....arguments will take place and then you will be the "awful one" he's telling yet another girl his sad tale of woe to....
Your choice of course...but if I were you I would try and find someone with a little bit better track record. This guy doesn't have the "internal wiring" to be able to go the "long haul" with you and it will probably end up in disaster.
It doesn't matter though since you are already in love with him and will make almost any excuse to have him.
good luck becasue you will probably need it.
2006-11-27 09:31:20 · answer #2 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men who cheat on one woman do not necessarily cheat on every woman he's with. There may be reasons why he's seeking emotional support elsewhere. Now granted there ARE men who will cheat no matter what. But for some men, if they aren't satisfied with the woman they're with, they will look elsewhere. Yes, it could be becaue the first woman is "nagging" (his word for it) and the woman he cheats with listens to all of his problems/bullshyt. And it could be because sex with the first woman is bad/boring and he is seeking excitement elsewhere. Is this the right thing to do? Of course not. But like your man said, he didn't want to hurt the first woman. It's hard to tell someone you don't find them attractive/sexy anymore and that you want to leave and seek that elsewhere. so they stick with the first woman and try to get the rest of their needs met elsewhere. But if you are the total package, your man will not seek anyone else, despite the fact that he cheated on his first wife. A cheater is not necessarily always a cheater. If a racist can change, if a burgler can be reformed, if a person can go from being an athetist to a believer, then there's no reason to believe that a cheater is always a cheater.
2016-05-23 14:12:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dated this guy for 3 years. We were engaged. He started using drugs and then began cheating on me! I was so angry. I began cheating on him. Of course it didn't make me feel any better! I know that his cheating pushed me into cheating! He didn't make me cheat, I chose that, but it did push me over the edge! I am married now to a wonderful man! We've been together for 3 years! Never not once have I cheated, nor even thought about it! I could not imagine myself doing that to him! THE PAST IS THE PAST! If he hasn't hurt you then don't expect him to! We all make mistakes!! Noone wants to be judged by those mistakes! I know people say once a cheater always a cheater, but that's not always true! Now if he had cheated on you already and you were taking him back, my advice would be different! But since he hasn't done it to you yet, let it go! You will drive yourself crazy worrying about what might or might not happen! Try to stay in the moment, not in the past! Good luck!
2006-11-27 08:21:10 · answer #4 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Umm, if he was unhappy in the marriage he should have left and not left the marriage emotionally and physically with 2 other women. Once a cheater always a cheater and he'll do it to you too unless he gets the help he needs.
So make wise decisions based on this because like you stated up there, you have 2 kids that are involved in this, not just you.
2006-11-27 08:18:05 · answer #5 · answered by the_proms 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I fell once a cheater always a cheater now if he say that has wife is controlling then why live under those conditions. He can still take care of his kids if he divorce has wife, if i was his wife we would have been divorce. One of the reason why has wife is so controlling is because he betrayed his trust. By stepping out of the relationship with two other females. Now what grantee do you have that the same thing wont happen to you
2006-11-27 08:15:08 · answer #6 · answered by Earl H 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would venture a guess that this is his "problem-solving" style - to run and avoid a problem instead of addressing it directly. His ex might have been "controlling" - but no one's perfect; he chose to marry her, he made the committment in spite of how controlling she might have been - why use the excuse as soon it's convenient for him to stray? So, she might have been overbearing; do you believe you will always be a perfect wife, and he a perfect husband? Anything can be used to justify infidelity. I'm sure there are some issues between the two of you even now; are you too emotional? not emotional enough? do you spend too much money? save too much money? are too clingy? too distant? Any one of these things can be offered as an excuse for getting involved in a relationship outside marriage. This is how some people deal with conflict, they ignore it for as long as possible, and invent distractions while justifying their behavior. Do not be surprised to discover one day he's been untrue to you just as he had been in the previous marriage.
2006-11-27 08:15:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
don't listen to these freaks. (says the guy in the werewolf mask. ignore the mask...)
its one thing to cheat when you are in a relationship that makes you miserable and an entirely different thing to be a compulsive player. the fact that he only cheated TWICE in a relationship that was horid tells me that he isn't a sleezball. a sleezball cheats twice in a week, even when they have an awesome mate at home. give the guy a chance.
"once a cheater, always a chearter" wtf? that's some mindless cliche, not a fact about the world. pls. don't listen to these people. they do not know of what they speak, they're just a bunch of gasbags.
2006-11-27 08:23:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're actually asking this question? He's cheated twice, left his wife for one of them. He then cheated on two women (his wife and the 1st chick) with the second woman right? Or he cheated on his wife with the first one, got tired of her, kicked her to the curb, then found another one right? Either way, that's scandalous skank crap.
Do you need a direct answer for something this obvious? OK here goes...
Of course not, are you out of your mind? He was driven to cheat because he wanted to. Not because of his wife and not because he loved his children. He's just a dog that can't control himself.
Does that adequately answer your question?
2006-11-27 08:13:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm not a man, but he sounds like a creature of habit. There aren't many excuses (if any), to cheat. The saying goes, once a cheater, always a cheater.
I would think long and hard before proceeding in this relationship.
2006-11-27 08:06:32 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it is a cop-out when someone says they made a "mistake" and cheated on their spouse. Spilling coffee is a mistake. Becoming romantically involved with someone takes a conscious effort. Unless this guy has undergone some miraculous changes, I would be very slow to trust him. I suppose he deserves bonus points for admitting his infidelity in the first place. In any event, he can't blame his ex-wife for his cheating. He can only blame himself.
2006-11-27 08:08:32 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋