Can drug use in a marriage cause emotional abuse in any way?

Question

I 'm seperarated and I feel sometimes guilty for telling my husband to choose drugs or his family! I think I have some sort of emotional abuse , that I feel that I have to stay with him because I have to help him! I have three kids with him and as they r getting older they r suspecting things on him!I really need to hear from someone that has been on my road and help me know my emotional state right now?

Answer 1

I have been there. My ex and I had one child but he was little at the time. He was doing all sorts of drugs and I wasn't. He did drugs that I never even heard of. But then he'd start screaming at me and calling me all kinds of names. Finally, one night he beat me almost to death, I had actual hand prints on my back. It was terrible. I grabbed my baby and ran. Emotional abuse is just as bad a physical and a lot of times worse. You don't deserve that and your children damn sure don't. What's more important to you right now? Your drug abusing husband or your children. Call a crisis line and get some help, you need it. I'm not trying to be mean here, really I'm not. I've been there and I hate to see anyone else suffer. Be strong, you know what's right, and what you should do. This is no way to raise children either because they see it and they'll grow up to think it's ok.

Answer 2

ANYONE who has a substance abuse problem and refuses to get help is a danger to themselves and their family. Not level of substance should be acceptable. No need to second guess your decision, you did the right thing.

Your husband's decision to use drugs will only lead to drug abuse in your children unless the see and understand the consequense of drug use. As for the seperation... well... I suggest that you seek and attorney and start the proceedings for a divorce and then tell your 'husband' that unless he checks into a substance abuse program you will follow through on the divorce. Do not let him 'wiggle' out of this ... accept nothing less than a full acknowledgement of his abuse by him and his seeking help.

You need to protect your kids at this point. You do realize that if your husband is caught with drugs on him and the kids are with him or your home is searched and drugs are found.. you WILL lose your kids. Even if for a short period, I could never see this as acceptable.

Good luck and hang in there!

Answer 3

Yes, drug use can be emotionally abusive for the one who isn't doing the drugs.

Using illegal drugs not only puts the user at risk, but it also means the drug user could be bringing home diseases. Any drugs that need needles could mean that the drug user is exposed to Hepatitis or AIDS/HIV, then bring it home to the other person (you).

A person using drugs also has personality changes...he or she can become physcially violent or abusive, or start name-calling or being manipulative.

Don't lie to your kids, tell them the truth. If you lie they will end up hating you when they find out the truth later on. Depending on their age, simplify how you explain it to them. Your explanation can range from "Daddy doesn't live with us because he is very sick (drug addiction is technically a sickness) and won't go to the doctor." for the very youngest, all the way up to "Your dad is a drug addict, and won't be staying with us until he goes into detox and kicks the habit" for teens. You know your children best, and how best to word it, but those are guidelines

Please don't feel like you ~~have~~ to stay with him. It sounds like you already did everything in your power to get him to stop. You need to think about the health and safety of your children FIRST...yourself second (if you aren't there, who will take care of them?) and your husband last.

Giving him an ultimatum and following through with it was the best thing you could have done. Not only for keeping yourself and the kids safe from health issues and violent drug dealers, but also because in many states, if the police raid the house, you could ALSO be held criminally repsonsible for having the drugs in the house...even if you didn't know your husband had brought any home. Who would raise your kids if both of you were in jail?

Make sure you follow through on your ultimatum. If your husband is a decent person he will soon see what he has given up by choosing drugs over you, and will get himself into detox, and pull himself together. Then he can be a proper husband and father. If not, your children (and you) are better off without him, as painful as that may be.

Keep strong. Make sure you have a good emotional support system (family, friends and/or clergy) and try to get some family therapy. If you can't affort professional counseling, see if you can get some from your church/synagogue/mosque. It won't be an easy task, but you will know you are doing the right thing for your children.

Answer 4

Keep strong and stick with your idea: Choose drugs or family. Eventually the kids will find out and they will me really disappointed that

a) he's doing drugs
b) you stayed with him
c) you kept it a secret

Drugs can cause emotional abuse. I did a project in 8th grade about drugs, and I found out that drugs do more to your emotional and social health than to your physical health. Even if it's painful, you really should move on and leave him behind. He'll just drag you down and maybe even break you down into an addict yourself.

Answer 5

yes , drugs can cause all kinds of abuse. mental emotional, physical, and verbal. you have to remember people who uses drugs are great liars and manipulators. they will make you feel like your the meanest most nastiest person on the earth they will say or do anything to get what they want . you have kids sooner or later if he has not done it already he will begin to steal money, video games, expensive things around the house. honey you have babies that need you and not a drug addicted father who needs help your main concern should be your children not your husband he does not care about himself , what makes you think that he is gonna change he needs years in rehab. the kind that you go away and stay away until you can control it. he does not need you to love him and tell him everything is gonna be alright because it's not. think of your kids do you want them on drugs kids see what you think they don't . i say move on with your kids and pray he gets better but your job is getting your kids where it is safe. he's gonna start robbing everything. lol

Answer 6

Do not feel guilty for telling your husband to choose drugs or his family. If your husband is an addict then he will have to get help. I am sorry but you cannot help him. This is something he has got to do on his own. He may need to seek treatment and attend NA Meetings. People that do drugs and become dependent on them will neglect their family, their friends, their jobs, and themselves. Eventually they loose it all. I am speaking from experience. I used meth for about 13 years. I destroyed my family and hurt many people. My family tried many times to help me but nothing worked until I finally realized that I had a serious problem. When I was able to see all the damage I was doing, then I was able to change. I have almost 3 years clean now. It was very hard, but I was willing to do whatever it took to stay clean. If you want to stand by your husband then you have to let him go. Maybe once he's lost everything he will realize that he has a problem and maybe he will seek help. I know when I lost everything I sought help. I lost custody of my daughter March 1, 2004. I haven't used since then. It woke me up!!The best thing that you can do for him right now is pray for him! Pray and Pray and Pray! Believe me God answers prayers! Know that you are not responsible for him! You and your kids deserve someone that is committed to you and not getting high all the time! You got to look out for you and your kids. They don't need to be around someone getting high and neither do you! I hope this helps, good luck and my prayers are with you.

Answer 7

You did the right thing, drug addicts either quit or end up in jail or dead. The emotional abuse is what he is doing to you and the children. If he is going to quit, this may be the determining factor, I hope for you sake and the sake of the family he does. Drug addiction is very powerful, and he will need to have the want and will to quit. There is nothing you can do, not all of the love in the world will make him quit using. You did the right thing for yourself and the children, you and the children do not need to live with an addict, it is a very dangerous and emotionally sick place to be. Good luck to you and God bless****

Answer 8

If your husband is truly addicted, you are fighting the drugs and not the person you feel in love with. Drug abuse is truly capable of creating hell on earth in a relationship. The problem is, drug addiction is an illness and telling him to choose is like telling someone with cancer or diabetes to "get over the illness" or choose the family. Seek help in al-anon in your community. It worked for me. It will help you get answers about what to do to take care of yourself. You are not responsible for him, but this is also not something you can conquer on your own because you care for him. Caring for him is not the same as taking care of. Be brave and recover as well!

Answer 9

First I am in a relationship right now with someone on drugs. We have 2 kids. He has kept telling me he will quit but hasnt and continues to do it. I am in the middle of deciding if I should just leave but I know how you feel because I feel so guilty to "abondon" him when he has this problem. I feel it is my responsibilty but you know what-we need to think more about our kids then the guy. Dont feel bad i know it is hard but he is a grown man and could quit if he really wanted to with all his heart and soul. You are doing the right thing. I hope I can be strong like you and get out of it too. The only way they will quit is to realize what they will/have lost. Their family. If we continue to enable them they will only keep using. Good luck.

Answer 10

I'm married and I can thankfully say that I've never been in any sort of abusive romantic relationship. But I watched my father leave my mother for another woman and I watched him and that other woman fight through one that was emotional, physical and mental when I was a kid. I avoided getting close to men for many years because I believed that all men do what my father did...bit of a late bloomer, you could say. But their example showed me what not to accept in a relationship.