I've noticed a few "tendencies" about my new boyfriend so I asked him straight-out if he was gay (no use wasting my time and getting hurt by finding out later) so after some questioning he admitted to me that, while he says he's not gay, he "experimented" by letting another guy go down on him. He says at first it felt good but he couldn't retain his erection when he opened his eyes and saw another man instead of a woman. He also confided in me that his older brother did things to him when he was younger but he wasn't penetrated. I'm just wondering if he may be more "gay" than he wants to admit. I mean, I've been with women, and I've told him about that, and I don't consider myself lesbian. But it's different with women. I just want to know if he may be gay or just have gay tendencies, he's a little "sensitive" but he's not feminine. He's a big, strong, hard-working man. But I've seen all types who were on the Down Low. I'll be with him regardless, just want to know.
2006-11-27 07:50:37 · 9 answers · asked by Nikki B 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You've been with women but you say it's "different" for women to have been with other women than for men to have been with other men? How so? Sorry, but that seems a bit hypocritical.
Just as you say you're not a lesbian even though you've been with women, why don't you believe your bf that he's saying he's not gay, even though he's experimented?
Going by what you've given, my gut reaction is that he's straight, and he's experimented. No biggie. And I even give him credit for admitting it to you.
2006-11-27 08:00:47 · answer #1 · answered by ByTheSea 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hey Gurl...
I'm really glad you're both looking past each others sexual history & trying to make it work. But I do have to warn you though...
By openly admitting you were w/ women, I sense that you have a security about your sexuality that your man is lacking.
As proud as you are about him admitting to his gay sexual encounter, you should be equally worried about the fact that he mentioned not being able to maintain the erection because he opened his eyes and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... You know, his eyes were open 10 minutes before the BJ when he was getting arroused enough to stick his thingy in you know where.
My point is that, based on personal experience w/ previous b/f's, guys who experience some sort of sexual trauma as children take just a little bit longer to figure out that they do have some if not total attraction to the same sex. The fact that he tries to play it off as "...and then I opened my eyes and then..." is a little suspicious to me.
I'm sure he's a really great guy and I'm not saying it can't work... what I am saying is that you should definitely try to talk w/ him & help him cope without pressuring him.
It is, after all, your heart...
Good Luck
2006-11-27 08:08:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is it different for a guy than a gal when it comes to experimenting with the same gender in a sexual sense. It is sex and it is experimenting so why do you have this double standard. Or maybe you believe a woman should be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen while the man is the bread winner - which of course is one definitely biased double standard from the not so good old days. Relax, he played aroudn and so did you but if you are together and want to be together, then make the relationship one really terrific happening so neithe rof you ever need to look back. And keep it alive, invigoratign and exciting right through your youth, adulthood, mid-life crises and all.
2016-05-23 14:10:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're mad he likes to play "hide the sausage" with another dude.
And no ... it's not any different than when a woman does it. Still going down with the same sex. It's just how it's perceived by the community that is different. Women aren't as harshly judged as their male counterparts.
You had your fun, not let him be who he is without you going all natzi on him.
2006-11-27 08:01:43 · answer #4 · answered by spartexcites 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If a person is straight and you ask them if they are gay they will get mad as hell. The only way is if he admits it.
2006-11-27 07:55:44 · answer #5 · answered by kayef57 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think it's just like he Say's. you can be sensitive without being gay. just like you can be gay and not care about much that's going on around you. we are all just people
2006-11-27 11:46:23 · answer #6 · answered by Ron N 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since his brother molested him I think he needs a therapist more then anything else. I think he is straight. Just make sure to surpport him and give hugs when needed.
2006-11-27 08:25:42 · answer #7 · answered by missgigglebunny 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Hes probably on the DL...a lot of men are.
2006-11-27 08:42:25 · answer #8 · answered by Trini-HaitianGrl81 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this could be an issue having to do with the incest more than being gay.
2006-11-27 08:37:31 · answer #9 · answered by Tony 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋