jokes for the guys?

Question

A woman wanted to surprise her husband so she bought a pair of crotchless panties.

When her husband got home from work, he found his wife spread eagle on the floor with the panties on. "You want some of this?" she asked.

The husband replied "Hell no! Look what it did to your underwear!"


Yesterday's USA Today reported that scientists have revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of lager and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked incessantly without making sense, and couldn't drive.


Harry Schwartz is lying in a hospital bed. His wife, Selma, is by his side:

"Selma, you've always been by my side."

"When I broke my leg at 25; you were by my side."

"When I had my first heart attack at 45, you were by my side."

"When I had my second heart attack at 55, you were by my side."

"When I had my prostate removed at 65, there you were, at my side."

"Now, when I break my hip at 75, you are again by my side, my faithful wife."

"You know, Selma, you're a god damn jinx!"

Answer 1

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course... He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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Answer 2

This is a good guide with a step-by-step method to get your hair back http://hairagain.toptips.org

Male hair loss is the most common type of hair loss.It's caused by increased sensitivity to male sex hormones (androgens) in certain parts of the scalp, and is passed on from generation to generation. There are many factors that can attribute to hair recession or massive hair fall. You can try to regain your full head of healthy hair by following natural methods: they are cheaper, they have no side effect and very often more effective than conventional one.

As said above an interesting guide you can follow to get your hair back and prevent future hair loss without dangerous chemicals and drugs, and without expensive supplements or painful hair transplants is available on this site: http://hairagain.toptips.org
Cheers ;)

Answer 3

Hecka Funny!

Answer 4

1

Answer 5

time to dump selma

Answer 6

I love the first one; that's really cute. The others, eh, not so much.

Answer 7

There really is a section on YA for jokes....perhaps you would fit in better there.

Answer 8

Still living at home with your mother?

Answer 9

Don't give up the day job!! you'd starve as a comic!!

Answer 10

the first was is the best one