I cheated on my husband with his best friend, how should I handle this?

Question

After a very drunken night, I cheated on my husband with his best friend. We didn't go all the way, but closer than I ever thought I would be capable of doing. I am not the type to cheat. But I don't really think I love my husband anymore. Otherwise, I don't think I would of put myself in the position to cheat. I know his friend cares alot about me, and I think I share those feelings as well, but I know nothing can ever really develop and feel good about myself knowing that I wasn't faithful to my husband. I know that me and my husband are going to seperate, we have been talking about it for months, and haven't gone through with it for financial reasons. Could me and his friend have any sort of future? Has anyone been in this situation? Do you think that my husband get past this? He knows that his friend and I have "something" going on. I just don't think he knows exactly. Please help!

I have noticed that alot of people think that I am a cold *****, my husband doesn't love me, and spends every moment with his parents. He thought that when we got married, that I would change every aspect of my life to suit him. I am not going to do that. So I am not some horrible person who just sleeps around. I tried to love my husband and I can't change that I don't. He knows that I don't, and he has told me that he doesn't love me. We both know this. I am not trying to make myself sound like victim, but he hasn't exactly been a saint either.

Answer 1

Some suggestion:
since you, and your husband already decided to separate, and he already knows that you, and his best friend is having an affair, or doing something, then it only right to just come clean and be a woman about somethings.
1 Tell your new friend that you are going to tell you husband about the affair, so should he be confronted there are no surprises
2 Tell your husband of the affair leave nothing out, so you will not have to go over painful details ever again.
3 You seem remorseful so this is the time to ask for forgiveness even if you were planning on separating anyway.
4 You mention no kids, thank goodness that would make things more difficulties, and tie you two together forever with the the affair over your head. Gosh!!
5 Leave the men to work out their part they will, their way, and if they are truly best friends they will without much incidents. We can only hope...

Answer 2

A lot of the responses to your question are pretty tough. I do however want to be honest with you without hurting your feelings. I think what you did is very wrong. First of all, you should never cheat on a spouse no matter how much you think they deserve it. Second, is your husband abusive in anyway, shape or form? If so, then get out of the marriage. If not, then why not fight for your marriage. People take marriage and commitment so lightly these days. You vowed "till death do us part". Why not honor that vow? How about getting marriage counseling and individual counseling.
Do you honestly think it will work out with your husband's friend? If he's willing to cheat with his best friend's wife, that tells me he cannot be trusted. Why would you even want to start a relationship under those circumstances. You're both cheating and you'll never be able to trust each other.

My advice to you is to get yourself together and think of the vow you made. Get counseling ASAP and stop thinking that another man will make you happy. Love and happiness is a decision and not just warm and fuzzy feelings. You need to respect yourself and respect your husband and do the right thing.

Nothing good can come out of leaving your husband for his best friend. Wake up and save your marriage!! Good luck!

Answer 3

Stop with the excuses whats done is done. Yes your husband will get past this in time but will be very hard to trust women again thanks to people like you out there. can't blame the poor fella and with his best friend so not only did you stab him in the back you did it with his best friend a double whammy.

Even if this man didn't love you anymore of all men to pick my goodness. his best friend.

So now your going to seperate and you move on your quesiton was do you think you and this male friend could have a future. The best thing he could do is to drop you like a hot potatoe . and of course your probably worried about that now. and if you can't make it a go you'll stay with your hubby saying i can't leave you for financial reasons right. can't have your cake and eat it too my dear.

Answer 4

Normally I would say honesty is the best policy. But in this case, I believe you should keep this to yourself and let this go. You will end the relationship between your husband and his best friend if you reveal this information. Sounds like there are enough problems between you and your husband so why add more? After you separate or divorce, take some time out for yourself and find someone "new".

Answer 5

Forget about your husband's best friend -- what kind of friend would try to have sex with his best friend's wife? That guy is a sleazeball, so forget about him. If you left your husband for him, you will be sorry. You need to tell your husband what happened and apologize to him. Then you need to go to a marriage counselor. You don't say if you have children or not -- if you don't, then maybe the marriage isn't working and you should split up. But if you have children, you really should try to make your marriage work. You should not have drunken nights, and you should avoid that so-called best friend.

Answer 6

Well think what you next step will be if you don't love your husband anymore ask him the divorce it is better if you finish the marriage before you get more into an unfaithful relationship if you will have a future with your best friend husband I don't know but you will ruin a good friendship that's for sure....☺☻

Answer 7

well if you ever want to complicate things - just let a woman and a man get together (and start drinking) and 9 times out of 10 they end up having sex...
You are asking for trouble when you start confiding to a male friend than with your own spouse and spending time with another man and getting emotionally intimate --- dangerous things for a married person.
I suggest marriage counseling for you and your husband before doing anything else.... make your best efforts to save the marriage before ending it. No more private sessions with his best friend either - since neither one of you can be trusted to protect/respect the marriage and keep yourselves(chaste) and maintain proper distance.

Answer 8

You're wrong, this friend doesn't care about you. If he is your husband's best friend, he knows you are on the outs and that your husband could care less if he slept with you. For whatever reason your husband doesn't see a future with you it's the same reason his best friend won't either. Once your husband finds out he will send you packing and he will still be hanging out with his best friend who will move on without you.

Answer 9

You cheated with your husbands bf. Call it what you want but the fact is you cheated. If there are no feelings why don't you just leave. O I forgot you said because of financial reasons you can't leave. So you are staying so you can be paid for your services. I guess we know what that makes YOU.

Answer 10

OMG- don't blame it on drinking. You're not the type to cheat- you cheated- THAT'S the type!

Way to gloss over the details- you think what you did is ok bc you didn't go "all the way"- you probably did plenty to be embarrassed about if your husband saw it.

Yes, other people have been through this before- prostitutes.