My life has been pretty interesting. My exwife has made my life a living hell now for 7 yrs. I just recently lost again my job and had to move away to so called escape her. I have a son who I love more than life it self and have been fighting for custody for him since the day he was born. I do have him with me and have had him with me now for quite some time, but you can imagine the games she plays with custody. I have also lost a woman I love and her 2 little girls who I raised for 2 1/2 yrs due to my ex. I wont go into too many details. It ruined us. So all in all Financialy and relationship wise i am ruined once more. And forced to start over yet again. I have my son but simple dont have the means to provide him with what I call a normal life. I live with my brother and share a room with my son with two matresses. Now whenever I start to get alittle better just the simple things in life push me back under. How do you make a comeback? How do you climb out?
2006-11-27 07:05:47 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It amazes me just how vindictive some women can be --- better at it with little effort, than a guy can be using every resource he can come up with......(You kinda want to say to her the old Rodney King line: "Can't we just all get along?"
I'm assuming that you, she and a mediator have tried to sit down -- the three of you-- and discuss each of your needs, and wants, as well as how your son can be raised in a stable enviornment. If you haven't Then you might have to see an attorney and try to set one of those up.....
-- and god, hate those guys---because the more of the games everyone plays, the more expensive things get and the less secure the kid feels, and kids already have it figured out that everyone would be happy and everything would be fine if they had just been a better kid.....That's just the way kids are...and how they think....
So you gotta wonder, what on earth does yourex feel you did so wrong that is worth the amputating (literally) of her own son's stable future and present environment?? ( Even if you cheated, it's time for her to get over it, at least as far as her dealings with her son's father, and how that affects her son..)
And that, sweetie, is the core of this problem, at least from the stuff you have shared here.
Don't know that there is a way to get out from under this. Dealing with ex spouses that just wish to make your life miserable, and use the child as the lever, doesn't really have a solution, unless an attorney can come up with a legal one.... like a restraining order.
To answer your question:
If she has made making you miserable at any cost the sole focus of her life, about all I can suggest is to leave the state, go somewhere else..... i.e., evaporate. You'll have other problems to deal with doing this, which I am sure you can figure out, but at least you will be physically some distance away from her.
2006-11-27 07:47:35 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I would suggest you seek formal counselling. Contact a Social Service agency near you for a referral. Without knowing where you're at, I can't help.
May I suggest the next step though would be to stop "blaming" the "ex". Sadly, some relationships don't work out and there are hard feelings on both sides. Try to remember at one time you loved her. If you could get in touch with that, maybe you can find away to communicate with her better. If all else fails, remember the union gave you your son...who you love more than life itself. If it weren't for the "ex" you wouldn't have him. Is the bad really worth wishing away the good?
You didn't lose a woman you loved because of the "ex". If she truly loved you, she could've stuck by you. Did she try to communicate with the 'ex' which the ex could've inferred as butting in.. Sometimes that's the worst thing a new partner can do. They make an already bitter situation worse. Any parenting conversations regarding your son need to be solely between you, your ex, and when he's a tad older, your son. All others need to butt out and mind their own business.
I feel for you. I do. I wish I could be more help because I think you're heading for a place where your ability to cope with life's little things is becoming overwhelming....
Please seek professional counselling advice in your area, not an anonymous website. Most are "needs" tested, so if you're in financial straights you'll find the service is probably free.
Your son may also benefit from one on one counselling as things sound very bitter between you and his mom, and even if you've tried to hide it, kids are very perceptive. He's in formalative years. What you two do now, and say about and treat each other will affect who he becomes as an adult.
Take care and best of luck
2006-11-27 07:16:41 · answer #2 · answered by L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
living in a room with your son on 2 mattresses may be your idea of terrible, but I bet your son who you clearly love, doesn't.
It sounds like it has been tough but take a deep breath and think about the things you do have. I know that sounds annoyingly Pollyanna...but you did not say you or your son are sick or hungry...good start.
Try making a plan, long range and realistic and stop beating yourself up (and you are) for that which has been put upon you. Just try really hard to make good and safe choices from this day forward. Life throws everyone curves, as you know better, you do better.
Climb out one step at a time....you can do it....maybe this is a good time to stay out of realationships and concentrate on you and your son....good luck. It will get easier.
2006-11-27 07:17:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI!
Just hang in there. Things will pick up. Start by really concentrateing on your job and get into something that will allow for you to be with your son and possible day care. Slowly things will improve. DO you have family a sister or someone who could maybe help with the little one for awhile until you get on your feet??
Good luk and remember tomorrow it will get better
2006-11-27 07:16:07 · answer #4 · answered by -------- 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just focus on the important things - work more and give every ounce left to your son, get a new girlfriend and smile about the small things in everyday life
the thing is never give up 'cause then everything is lost
2006-11-27 07:14:55 · answer #5 · answered by doctor who 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be patient..time changes everything as you already know..you cannot stop change. Time will find you laughing and smiling again one day..till then stay strong and ride it out
2006-11-27 07:34:33 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to start you new life alone stop looking for a mother figure for your son......after a while start looking for love againg......work hard and be positive Im sure you can climb out the hole you put yourself into it......☺☻
2006-11-27 07:12:12 · answer #7 · answered by haki 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Prayer! Go to church and pray on it. Stay focused and try to get on with your life.
2006-11-27 07:15:34 · answer #8 · answered by Common_Sense2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay STRONG things will work out for you.
2006-11-27 07:09:52 · answer #9 · answered by Monty L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JUMP OUT OF THE HOLE.
2006-11-27 07:08:36 · answer #10 · answered by Ituneu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋