i left my husband for another man - my husband and i remained friends and he was very good about the whole thing. I loved my husband so much, but after only being married a few months, i hardly saw him cos of his job and we went through a rough patch, and then i met this other man who made me feel fantastic about myself. i know cheating was wrong and i regret the way i went about things. my bf then left me as he found out i'd made contact with my husband, and i'm not sure what i want - my husband is prepared to try again (we havent completed the divorce yet) which i realise is very decent of him. i still have feelings for him, but i'm not sure if they're enough to rebuild our marriage on. And i do love my boyfriend - although again, i'm not sure if if its enough to build our relationship on. My husband is very reliable in life, whereas i'm not sure that my boyfriend is. i know what i'm doing is extremely unfair and i fully expect lots of abuse, but i would also like constructive advice
2006-11-27 06:45:56 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Since you are so caught up in how someone makes you feel and not how you feel about him, try being alone for a while and give both of them a break from your nonsense.
2006-11-27 06:50:30 · answer #1 · answered by rdnck_grl_ms_007 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, think about the vows you made to your husband. But, more importantly think about the promise you made to God. (You promised that you'd love your husband and only him until death do you part). By cheating on your husband, you have put some very bad seed in the ground. And you reap what you sow. But, by him being willing to take you back and work on things gives you the opportunity to correct what you've done. If the only major issue you guys had was that you didn't see him as much because of his work, then girlfriend you should consider yourself blessed. Because there are millions of lonely women in the world that would love to be in your shoes. And as for this alleged boyfriend.... didn't u say he left you. Honey, do yourself a favor and lose him. Regardless of what he says, he will never trust you completely because he sees what you did to your husband and we all know that what goes around comes right on back around again. You really should take some time and do some soul searching and be real with yourself. It's obvious that your husband loves you, but only you know whether or not you truly want your marriage to work. If you don't, then leave the poor guy alone. Because what's the point of going back to him if you are only going to be a jerk and do the same ******** again. Don't mean to sound harsh, but that's the reality of the matter. Good luck!
2006-11-27 06:57:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you are caught between the two, but when you size it up, Take a look at what you said. Your boyfriend left you for being in contact with your husband, while your husband has been with you no matter what. Husbands like that, are hard to find. He's a keeper. Try again. It's hard to find someone that will love you that way. I hope this helps you. With your husband, you will never feel alone. Even when he is not there, he wants to be there. He is showing you how much he still wants to be there for you. Because through the pain of losing you to another man, he stayed by your side. Meanwhile, your boyfriend left you because of trust issues. I recommend giving your marriage another try. It wouldn't hurt. I know you might be feeling afraid; afraid of hurting your husband again. Yet, everyone deserves second chances, even you. If it doesn't work, then at least you gave it another shot. I know society will tell you it's selfish, but leaving to fulfill personal needs is not that terrible under certain circumstances. If the needs are uncomprimisable, then it's okay in my eyes. You just have to learn to bend for each other and soon you will be able to work things out enough to feel as if it never happened. I have no professional expertise of the matter, but I have helped two couples on the verge of divorce. I'm not here to counsel. i offer more of a suggestion. I hope this helps you.
2006-11-27 07:01:01 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin L 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
97% of relationships that begin as affairs fail. Your relationship with your boyfriend is a false sense of security and has no moral grounds to flurish and become something secure and true where as your marriage although has suffered severe betrayel can recover with complete recommitment to each other and the marriage. You may not think you feel the way you should about your husband but it takes time and commitment. Most men would have left and said forget it, it is not worth it but it sounds like your husband has good deep morals and is willing to take a risk for you even though he is deeply hurt. Of course your bf is not reliable he began a relationship with a married women. That only hurt you and your husband. If he cared about you he would never have crossed the line and put you in a position to choose. Now you need to either choose to salvage your marriage or not be in a reltionship at all. The feelings you have for your boyfriend were formed on lies and betrayel. It is really hard because you think you have feelings for you bf but that is not respectable or real security. Good luck and be wise and moral with your desicions.
2006-11-27 07:04:29 · answer #4 · answered by Maizy * 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is an idiot if he goes back to you. You have no business being in a committed relationship as you are selfish and immature. Anyone who has an affair after only a few months and clearly doesn't really feel bad about it (you DON'T - that is clear - you like the security that he offers) is a totally untrustworthy S L U T who doesn't deserve a committed man.
Do everyone a favor and divorce your husband NOW before you become pregnant and complicate things further. At least give him a chance to take another crack at life. Be single again and one day you will realize what you have done, because at this point you are CLEARLY unable to see it.
2006-11-27 06:50:13 · answer #5 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Move to your own place if possible, Seek counseling for your self and as a couple to help you sort it out and most of all don't rush to a decision. It's not just your life you're dealing with. Hopefully a pregnancy is not part of the scenerio. Refrain from sex with either guy until you can deal with what's going on with you. You do neither of them justice by keeping a torch lit for each.
My guess is you left for sex and happy times because you weren't ready for the rough time commitment. Some guys are worth it but you gotta want to stick around to find out. I would not get into any relationship until you figured out what you want and what are you willing to sacrifice to get it. Your husband appears to have made the commitment to attempt to give you a lifestyle to the best of his ability. i.e. working a lot If your emotional needs are more important than reliability and there is no other way around it for him then move on. He sounds like a good guy though.
2006-11-27 06:58:51 · answer #6 · answered by father of 4 husband of 1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day when you've matured a little you'll realize how wicked you have been in cheating on your husband. Believe me, he'll say he wants you back now, cuz it hasn't quite hit him but if you stay together, he will throw it in your face and treat you like the scum that you are! You broke your marriage vows for refreshing sex. Soon you'll get bored with your boyfriend too and will start looking around for someone who'll praise and spoil you all over again. You sound very selfish and immature. You really don't deserve your loving husband. Sorry I sound so harsh but I'm tired of hearing about people breaking their wedding vows for a quick lay or a romantic fling! I take my vows very seriously and would never forgive my husband if he committed infidelity, period.
2006-11-27 06:57:52 · answer #7 · answered by liberalthinktank 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you then i would take a paper and pen and write down the reasons for which I would go back to my husband on one column and the reasons for which I would go back to my bf.
Make the list as detailed and elaborate as possible - no short cuts - its your life you are dealing with.
After you are satisfied that the list is complete then start rating each point in each column with the outlook of how badly you want that in the reamainder of your life.
After you have rated all count and go whichever side wins ... becoz that will be the best of the two.
From your situtation going back to either won't be easy and probably you have to work a lot harder to rebuild things. The question is for you to figure out which one will lead you into a happier life after all that labour you put in a relationship.
Good luck.
2006-11-27 06:53:12 · answer #8 · answered by GoodGuy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hon, in reading your post I have to say you've pretty well made your mind up which direction you want to go in and you simply need some level of assurance.
Your husband sounds like an incredible person and to be honest, I read nothing in your post that made me think otherwise.
No doubt YOU will have to work hard at repairing things if you do choose to return to him...but honestly, I think he is going to make that repair very easy to do.
Many people seek the kind of love your husband seems to have for you, for their entire lives and never find it. You have been given that gift and chose to make a bad decision. Now however, you are being offered that gift back to try and appreciate it the second time around the way that you should.
Whichever you decide...I don't think you could go wrong with returning to your husband...the boy friend did to you what you did to your husband...up and left, I say let the boyfriend go...stay with the fellow whose got it all together and is willing to allow you back in his life.
Good luck
2006-11-27 06:53:03 · answer #9 · answered by dustiiart 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you should leave them both and be on your own for a while.....ask your husband and your boyfriend to give you some space and if they both love you they will respect your choice to be alone. Use this time to really think about who it is you want to be with permanently...i would go with my boyfriend as going backwards never really works.
Your husband will always bring up the fact that you had an affair and would someday use this against you. This would also be the reason for many fights and arguements, but like i say when you make your final decision have no regrets..i wish you well.
2006-11-27 06:56:28 · answer #10 · answered by krazy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The most constructive advice I can give you is this:
Get some counseling for yourself and figure out what you want and need in life before dragging men around after you. It seems, quite honestly, as if you have low self esteem and a need for attention that is somewhat immature if you cheated on your husband because he was working. That is not your husband's problem -- it is yours. You're not going to find your way until you solve your own issues. Date your husband while doing so and possibly go to couples counseling with him. Dump the boyfriend -- he's already proven himself of low moral values by having an affair with a married woman (in other words, he's going to cheat on YOU eventually).
2006-11-27 06:50:15 · answer #11 · answered by Karen L 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋