with no promise to have kids , we go through this rollercoaster every month i dont know how much more i can take i mean she becomes irrate and hateful doubtful and mean i dont know what i can do ilove her but i can stand anymore of this help me please
2006-11-27 06:37:40 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
Try seeing a fertility specialist to find out why you haven't been able to conceive. Counseling wouldn't be a bad idea either.
Good luck.
2006-11-27 06:47:42 · answer #1 · answered by Julie F 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
my husband and I have been trying for 2 years and nothing. I went through the same fazes almost every month, long depression, crying, moody, cranky and thank fully my husband has been there, not liking the way I was but has put up with it. from a womans point of view it is in us to want to be a mother and feel that mother bond of a child. it hurts when we know that time goes by and everyone around us have babies and every one know what it feels like except us. you are in the right track as being there for her but please dont give up. you are being her strength!...I will say though...go and get checked the both of you. my husband didn't like the idea but thankfully he agreed and thank God it was something fixable. A mistake many couples make is never geting checked and than fustrated at no results. When in getting checked the results can be minor and with the help of a fertility specialist you can get fast results. We are in treatment now and should be getting prego soon. So be a little patient with her desire and fustration and show her you love her even more and get checked. She will love you even more and know that you mean the world to her and want her to feel special. Find a good fertility specialist in your area. Ask around and make sure this doctor takes time to talk and answer questions. I went thru 2 docs before I found the one really helped and wanted to help. Hope this helped.... wish you and your wife the bestl!!
2006-11-27 15:04:04 · answer #2 · answered by amarimendez 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a very hard thing for a woman to go through. To see all her friends and family members, the women at work and the random women on the street...all of whom are pregnant or have children, while she tries every month only to have her hopes and dreams dashed to the floor at the sight of her period every month. I know...I have lived this terrible nightmare for the last 3 years with no end in sight.
You love her. Presumably you support her. Hopefully you don't tell her "It's ok honey. Next month will be it. It will be our turn soon." I would hope that you just hold her while she cries and rages, and try to soothe her worries. I would also hope that the two of you have gone to see an RE for help.
Women are brought up with the expectation that we will marry, have children, keep the population going. It's bred into us that we will be mothers one day. For those who are infertile the world is a cruel place to be. We feel that we have failed as women, at the very basic level, because we can't do the one thing that only we can do - bear children.
One day she will come out the other side of this. Bless my husband, it took me almost 3 years to get over my obsession with having a child and he was patient. I was the worst person to be around - crying jags with no warning, rages that came out of nowhere. Immense hatred for anyone who got pregnant while I was still trying, depression to the point where I didn't want to get out of bed anymore. I raged at him, I raged at myself, I raged at anyone who said anything the wrong way. I finally got to the point where I didn't like who I had become, and I realized that I had let infertility ruin my life and it was in danger of ruining my marriage if I kept treating my husband like crap. This was an eye opener for me. I have since let go of my obsession - I still want to have a child, mind you, but it is no longer the driving force of my life. It may take a while for her to get there, but some day, with any luck, she will.
In the meantime, something that really helped me was blogging. I started a blog on blogspot and I wrote everything down that I was feeling. When I wanted to rage, I raged at the computer instead of my husband. When I saw someone that made me cry, or someone said something that made me sad, I wrote it down. I also belong to the TTC/Infertility Support Groups boards on WebMD. The women there have given me such wonderful support over the last 3 years - there were some months where they were all that kept me going and sane. Husbands are wonderful...but no one understands an infertile woman like another infertile woman.
I wish you all the luck. If you want to talk, you can Email me through my profile and I will help where I can. Sorry this got SO long!
2006-11-27 16:18:15 · answer #3 · answered by tigger062077 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well - first of all I can tell you that my husband and I are trying to conceive and actaully feel a bit guilty knowing that his sister also, will not have children although she would love to have one.
It is truly an emotional rollarcoaster for a woman trying to conceive. You feel so hopeful one day and worthless the next. I can't imagine how hard it would be to hear that you cannot bear children. For many women they are raised to feel like having children is our duty and purpose. from the first time we are handed a new doll to play with...
On the other hand, have you and your wife considered adoption? From the point of view of someone who was adopted it is a wonderful option and I have never felt less loved because I was adopted and my parents got to be parents even though they could not concieve.
Good luck.
2006-11-27 14:47:21 · answer #4 · answered by family_matters 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this hits so close to home. My husband and I have been trying for 3 years now. During this time my sister has gotten pregnant twice, without even trying. Add that to the one child she already has, 3 boys for her-0 kids for us. And she is 7 years younger than me. The emotional rollercoaster is unbearable. Month after month of failure, it is just cruel. That rude monthly reminder of how much of a failure as a woman you are. Don't offer her fixes or solutions, just listen to her. Agree with her, hug her, empathize with her. She doesn't need empty words or suggestions, she just needs to vent and to know that you feel these feelings to some degree as well. Just be her silent strong rock that she can cling to when she is weak. Men so often make the mistake of wanting to 'fix' our problems, when women simply need to vent and get it out there. Just let her deal with this and if things get crazy out of hand, seek counselling.
Good luck to you both. My heart truly goes out to you.
2006-11-27 17:32:31 · answer #5 · answered by miss_fred 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that news must be devastating for your wife....
and the monthly rollercoaster has got to be tough on both of you....it's so disappointing and upsetting to fail every month when you want something so badly (and on top of that the monthly hormones making you crazy!).....i would suggest talking to a doctor to see if there might be a fertility problem that is easily correctible.....and maybe you guys should talk about taking a month or two off from the stress
2006-11-27 16:00:35 · answer #6 · answered by SNAP! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in that same situation, i found out my brother and his girlfriend were having a baby and I wanted one so bad and had been trying for a very long time, and nothing happened, so i just sat back and thought well at least i will have a niece or nephew to spoil, finally i did get pregnant and have a baby of my own, so don't give up and just be happy for them, i promise everything works out in the end
2006-11-27 14:46:04 · answer #7 · answered by caseyhendo22 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Here's what you do. Make your wife dinner (or order in), set the table with candles and wine (Sangria or Zinfandel is my personal favorite). After she has dinner, run a bath for her, and let her soak for as long as she wants. Once she's done you take it from there. I hope I don't need to give further instructions here...LOL.
Your wife is probably so stressed out about conceiving that she is preventing herself from getting pregnant. Even if her eggs get fertilized, they will not implant if the conditions within mom are not good. If she is highly stressed or overworked, it can interfere. By getting her to relax and enjoy the process of making a baby, instead of focusing on the end result, may be just what she needs. And you get to have fun too. SMILE!!!
2006-11-27 14:51:20 · answer #8 · answered by Meesh 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Much like yearning for real love while those about are dating, falling in love and marrying.......the notion to have and seemingly cannot is difficult.
She is filled with a mix of emotions and it is hard enough for her to deal with and to come to terms with.
Allow her some space and the open door to communicate her feelings with you.
If you are indeed trying to conceive, remind her that tension is not good.
There is a plan for each of our lives. Just because she wants a baby at this time, may not be what her body can handle at this time.
Be loving, supportive and spontaneous......if is meant to be, will happen.
Assure her that you love her regardless.....and do just that.
Should you not be able to naturally conceive within six months, see what your options are.
Best wishes to you and your family!!!
2006-11-27 14:43:14 · answer #9 · answered by Marsha 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear this. Please talk to her, suggest going to the doctor and have her and yourself checked out. It could be something really simple, it could be something complicated. But you must talk about it, how it makes you feel, ask her how she feels. I know it's tough for a man not to get irritated. You might feel insecure too.
Deep inside she is probably blaming you ( I know, I can't help but do it too with my BF)
If you are serious about having children, then go to a doctor.
and talk to someone!
good luck!
2006-11-27 14:48:00 · answer #10 · answered by Babette 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋