How do I deal with my 12 yo that doesn't want to wear a bra?

Question

My girl started wearing a bra a month ago. She hated, said a bra sucks, makes her sweat (we live in Australia, it's hot) and so on. I'm a very understanding mom and she's a wonderful girl, but since I really think she needds a bra I used my authority. She complained, complained but I was firm."Sorry hun, but you need to wear o bra, so it's decided" . Of course I did this with much love and helped her chhose her bras. Well, though she's a very good and obedient girl, I got to know on this bra issue she's not obeying completely. She ended up confessing sometimes she takes off her bra and puts it on again before getting back home. She apologized, said it's because she doesn't like bras. I don't think this is something bad, just a childish think. Is this normal behavior? Anyway, I told her I didn't like, didn't want her to do it again and said I'd think if she'd be punished, From my reaction she could tell I wasn't that angry. But do u think a small lesson is in order? if so, what lesson?

Answer 1

Why not try a sports type bra instead? It's less bra like and less uncomfortable than a usual bra and if you buy a cotton one it shouldn't make her sweat.

Have you also considered that the bra itself might not be the issue? If your daughter is an early developer she may feel embarrassed if no one else in her class is wearing one. Her rebellion may be down to the fact that she wants to be the same as everyone else in order to fit in with her peers.

Go easy on her and try not to make such a big deal out of it, don't you remember how awkward it felt to be 12?

Answer 2

I didn't like them either when I first had to start wearing them. I was ten btw. My mom aunt and cousin would get me these pretty lacey things and the lace made me itch and sweat unbearably. Finally my mom got me a cotton sports bra which helped a lot. It's kind of like wearing a crop top tank under your clothes. These days they make bras that are more breathable and are built for comfort. Since it seems your daughters entire conflict with the bra is that it makes her hot and sweaty you might try searching for a bra that advertises that its made of a breathablt fabric. As for punishing her for disobeying you, you've pretty much already let her off the hook Let her know that next time she disobeys you there will be severe consequences, and since you understand her position (you were once a young girl yourself) you would like to work towards finding her the most comfortable bra on the planet. Again sports bras a good way to start because they feel like a form fitting shirt. good luck hope this helps

Answer 3

Ok well while not wanting to wear a bra isnt really a call for punishment I see where your coming from. If she REALLY does need to wear a bra then thats that. Perhaps try getting sports bras, those are a little more comfortable then regular ones. Also buying shirts that already have a bra built into them is a good idea. Try those solutions before turning to punishment... besides lets face it, its not like us girls really like wearing a bra all the time either! :)

-Ash

Answer 4

its very normal for girls to have negative feelings about wearing bras at first. not only is it uncomfortable, but she might feel like shes bringing attention to her new embarrassing developments.

if she hasnt gotten too big already, be sure to start with a soft training or sports bra. also, take her with you when you buy bras for her. shell be more likely to wear the bra if shes made her own decision about what bra she wants. if shes to embarrassed to go underwear shopping with you, you can always look online or in a catalog.

you could also try giving her the "teenager" talk. tell her that its very grown up to wear a bra. treat it as a privilege rather than a punishment.

hope this helps =)

Answer 5

If she really really needs one then explain to her why. Maybe she would like a sports bra better than a normal one, or the opposite (I hate sports bras). I didnt start wearing a bra until we started changing in front of eachother in like... 8th or 9th grade. Maybe 7th. It is her personal choice to wear one, but if she has large breasts already (I mean like, B cup or something) then she may need to. I know alot of girls (old and young) that just wear a shirt that covers them and holds them down, so to speak, and dont wear bras. Its a personal preference, so thats like forcing her to wear a certain kind of shoes. Besides, over the top punishment may result in rebellion, IE - not wearing one at all. Let her make the decision, but if its a modesty issue explain to her why. She may just have to get used to wearing one. Dont force her to though.

Answer 6

Well I am 16 & I normally dont wear a bra because they are infact very uncomfortalb e* leave marks sometimes and it burns. So i have resorted to wearing a light T-shirt ot something under my other shirt. So then my nipples don't show through & its very comfortalbe. Maybe you could try that with her, unless you are firmly set on your decison then find something more comfortable. See I didn't need any support because my breasts are very small so mayb eif she is busty a bra might help more lol I dont know lol, ive already embarassed myself.

Answer 7

Hello, there is something I must say here very strongly. It is absolutely the WORST idea to punish a developing girl for not wearing a bra. Why would anyone want their child to associate punishment with puberty or a developing bust line?

I agree with several above posters, your girl will desire them when she is ready. Sexuality and body issues are never good things to punish a child over. Those are subjects to show the utmost attention and understanding twoards.

Answer 8

Sports bras work well for the tom boy types, and they need to realize eventually the boys and the girls will make fun of them if they Don't wear one. You need to explain this is part of a becoming a woman, and that she may need to try several different styles or types, a good all cotton bra is cooler and less obtrusive for 1st timers.

Answer 9

I have a 12 year old myself who has been in bras since she was 8. She doesn't like them either. She says they make her itch and they are uncomfortable. I finally gave her a little compromise. I told her that she has to wear one at school, no questions and if I find out otherwise, her behind belongs to me. However, on the weekend as long as we do not go anywhere, she is allowed to run around without one. She also does not have to sleep in one, that is her choice.

She understands though when her daddy is at home, he prefers she wears one because he doesn't want to realize the fact that she is growing up and eventually will not need us anymore. lol Anyway, try that and hopefully it will help.

If she does disobey you make her wear one at night, they really hate that.

Answer 10

I am a tomboy at 13 and when I started to need to wear bras at 10 my mom gave me training bras to start out with until I didn't fit in them anymore then of course she gave me bras to wear. Trust me when I started to NEED normal bras I WANTED them. Because when I would run into things or people would run into me it REALLY hurt. So If I were you I would give her training bras if they fit and once they get to small give her normal bras to wear. Tell her that once you get older the more sensitive it will be there and once it starts getting more sensitive and starts to hurt more there to tell you so you will know to get bras for more protection there.