Is it cheating to keep in touch with an old girlfrien?

Question

My wife and I have had a strained marriage for over 14 years. We have agreed to stay together for our chidrens sake but we are mostly friends and NOT lovers. We rarely have sex or do anything together.

The past two years I have been in contact with my true love via email and phone. We split 20 years ago because she moved and she and I both have feelings for each other. She recently has asked to see me. We have not seen each other for over 20 years.
Am I being unfaithful if I meet with her? Should I take the chance seeing her again would make my feelings for her stronger? Looking for any opinions.

Answer 1

no if she is your friend

:> peace
.

Answer 2

Come on...I dont need to tell you that you are cheating...you know this...and I think you are experiencing feelings of guilt. I really don't believe in staying in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children (I am divorced and have managed an amacable relationship with my ex-husband, this has been healthy for my kids), children are happy when they see their parents happy and that doesn't necessarily mean "together". Going back to the unfaithfull subject...you are an adult and know this is a definite YES, it will lead to an affair. I think you should be discussing divorce and not an affair. Your kids are not going to appreciate their father cheating on their mother, there will be some more serious consecuences to any future actions with this old GF. Please think about what you are doing, if not to your wife but to your kids. You should consider a divorce, it is better than living a lie in front of your kids. This can turn into a bigger mess because you will not stop seeing the ex once you meet. Good luck with your family.

Answer 3

My friend is going through the same things as you are except her husband left her and won't tell her why he left. Anyways, if you are doing this in the dark then it will come to the light and you and your wife are both selfish because you are together for the wrong reasons and your children will suffer in the end. You don't stay together for your children's sake that's just wrong especially if the marriage is over emotionally, mentally, and physically. You are doing more damage to them than you know and kids aren't stupid by far. They know when something is wrong between mommie and daddy. The best thing that you could do is seek counsel and if that doesn't work, 1st and foremost take it to God in prayer. Never do anything without putting God 1st. and if nothing works then get a divorce even though I don't recommend them but if you don't love her and there is no love for you the what is the point of staying together and this way your old friend and you can try to work things out without committing adultry. God Bless you.

Answer 4

the energy you are wasting with this old girlfriend could be better put to work on your marriage. You are talking to othe women and you wonder why your marriage is strained. Get of you butt and make love to your wife. Sweep her off her feet. Surprise her with some romance like you used to do, or like you never did before. If you play Romeo with just a bit of real feeling you will be so surprised at what a new woman you will find yourself married to. Make your wife the woman of your dreams and treat her accordingly. so what about the past. Do you want a divorce? do you want to keep living in misery? Do you want to play with temptation and fly around the flame until you get burned. Or would you rather swallow some stupid pride, go all out to make a change in your marriage. Send flowers for no reason. Help with the kids, So what you work so does she You ever try keeping house? Want to be happy? Spend a little time and thought which are more important than monet but a little of that too and do whatever silly thing to make your wife fall for you all over again andyou will not have time to dream of other women. You will find a new woman right there in your arms.

Answer 5

To me, this is a black and white thing, if you have a sexual relationship with anyone outside of the bounds of your married, you've been unfaithful to you marriage vows...period. Yes, you would be unfaithful to your wife if you meet with this woman. Yes, you are being unfaithful to your wife communicating with this woman. No, you should not take the chance and meet with this other woman.

If you honestly feel the way you do, and feel that there is no hope for your marriage, then do the honorable thing, and get a divorce. Both you and your wife are too young to let happiness pass you guys by, and staying together for the kids sake isn't good either. If it's been 14 years, your kids probably aren't stupid, they know all is not well between mom and dad. They would handle a divorce better than a strained relationship between their parents, plus, you're not teaching them how to handle relationships when they are adults. I would encourage you to try and repair your relationship with your wife, but if it's beyond that, then dissolve the marriage that isn't working, so that you both have the opportunity to find happiness in life. Life's too short.

Answer 6

Since your meeting would have romantic intent, then yes, technically, it is cheating.

You're not necessarily doing your kids a favor by staying with your wife, either. You are basically living a lie, and that will make it difficult for your children to trust you, and their potential mates, in the future. An amicable divorce and a loving "two-family" balance can be healthier for children than growing up in a strained, tense, loveless house. If divorce is a religious or financial impossibility for you, please consider at least being honest with your children, and consider separate bedrooms. Morally, you must refrain from any cheating until you are officially divorced.

Please consider that, while you want your children to be happy, they want you to be happy too, and it is hypocritical to constantly suppress your own happiness and personal growth for the sake of keeping others happy. Be honest with your wife and children, and try to do what will make EVERYONE happy in the long run.

Answer 7

In a word...NO it is NOT cheating to stay in touch with an old girlfriend, provided she is not married. If she is married then she would be committing "adultery" if she has sexual relations with you.
Men, by Biblical Law, may have sexual relations with ANY unmarried woman and is not committing adultery if he is married or not.
This will fly in the face of most so called Christians because they do not know the Word of God only the word of man's interpretation of the Word.

If you are not concerned about the Biblical truth then you have to let your own conscience be your guide. Dead marriages are no marriage at all and staying in a dead marriage "for the children's sake" does more harm to the children than the parents.

I am attaching a web site that may answer many of your questions from a Biblical point of view. I would suggest you read it and even go back to the main index listed at the bottom of the page and learn more about Sexuality in the Bible...I would suggest this also for those Christians who think I am blowing smoke.

Answer 8

Does it really matter if you're being unfaithful? I mean, you've said that you and your wife are only together for the children, and do not love each other, enjoy each others company or make love. If this is your mutual understanding, I can't see why your wife would give two hoots about it.

If however, your account of your marriage is exclusively yours, and your wife does not know of this marriage of convenience for your children, I'd say, yes, definitely you are cheating, since you know that you are in love with the other woman.

Answer 9

You are already feeling guilty, and that is an indication that you feel it would be cheating if you see your ex.

Is it really in your children's best interest to stay married? Talk to your wife about your situation. She may agree that a divorce is the best solution, and you can figure out arrangements for shared custody of the children. If not, the two of you might agree to an "open marriage" where you both see other people. But that is not necessarily good for the emotional wellbeing of your children!

Keep in mind that children are happy when their parents are happy!

Answer 10

First, to answer the question directly, I say it's your wife who decides if something is cheating, so if she's against you talking to your ex, it's cheating.

But with the situation you've laid out, I think it's a bad idea even if you're wife is okay with it. I think you should try to work things out with your wife try to make your marriage stronger. What makes you think a relationship with this girl would have any stronger of a chance if it starts to go that way? Most people who get a divorce once get a divorce again the next time. Fix what's broken, don't try to replace your wife.

Answer 11

Dude, if your wife is not aware of you talking to her... YOU ARE ALREADY COMMITTING AND ACT OF INFIDELITY! If you meet her it will just lead to boning her. You admitted you have feelings for her, thus you are already having an emotional affair.

You might want to pick up the book "Not just friends" by Shirley Glass PhD. The book will let you know just how wrong you are for what you have done and what you are about to do.

You need to sit down with your wife and come clean now, tell this old flame of yours to get lost in as harsh terms as you can with your wife present (doing that will let her know you are serious) and go to a marriage counselor. It sounds like you are maintaining the marriage for the wrong reason dude.

Screw your wig on straight and get a grip. If your wife stumbles up on your affair, she will be as I was when I found my wife doing the exact same thing.

It's been the worst experience of my entire life. The betrayal and lies were simply devastating.