So how many of you have voids in your life after someone dies or leaves?

Question

What do you try to fill the void with and does it ever really fill it..?

Sorry all...I just have huge void right now...and I just need time to heal I guess...

Answer 1

When my ex-husband and I first separated, I felt like there was a huge void in my life. I mean granted he was making me miserable throughout the marriage, however after being with him for so long it was kind of like my identity was in some way defined by being his wife. As much as I hate to admit it, even a great deal of my happiness was dependent on him amongst other things. I think that divorcing him was a great step for me because it forced me to fill that void with what should've been there in the first place, and that is making myself happy and complete as an individual. I think in too many instances, people go around trying to find someone to be in a relationship with not out of really caring about the individual but for completion to the things that they lack within themselves. I have learned that in order to be ready for love on that magnitude or to just be content with what you have, you must first find happiness and completion with yourself. I don't know if this makes much sense (bc im very tired and hungry right now...lol.) but the void is being filled and its definitely better this way.

Answer 2

When someone who has been a major part of your life departs it, either through death or end of a relationship, it tears a gaping great big hole in the "fabric" of your life. Every time you turn around, everything you do, where you're accustomed to finding the person who departed, you find a great gaping hole.

It can be devastating, because when you encounter the loss, you don't know how to deal with it. There can be a horrific feeling of nothingness, a void that you feel you can fall into and not find your way out of. And it can be terrible: you try to do what you can to avoid the hole, but you keep abruptly running into it when you least expect.

It can be very hard, but you have to accept that this is the way things are going to be for a while, and you have to make allowances for yourself to feel okay with coming up against the loss. You shouldn't try to deny it or frantically to fill it. Allow yourself to grieve for the loss and to do what's necessary over the short and long haul to continue to function.

Over time, and how much time is very much an individual thing, what you find is the threads of every day living begin to weave a patch over the void. Your life will never be or feel exactly the same as it was before the person departed from your life, but in time there won't be a gaping hole where they used to be: there will be a patch, a place where you look and remember your loss, but you won't feel like it's threatening to swallow the rest of your life or that it's taken over. It will be a place of memories and you'll always know it's there, but it won't be a void anymore.

That's what I went through with the sudden and unexpected loss of first my mother and then my brother. Even though years have past, I can still look at the "patch" and remember my loss, though mostly without the pain and frantic desolation I felt when the loss was new.

Give yourself time after a loss, and if the loss is a severe one, don't expect that you'll ever be completely the same afterwards-- which is not to say that you'll never be happy, or that being able to remember the person you lost without feeling your life is going to unstuck is a betrayal of how you felt about them. Life does go on, and our power to heal from loss is amazing. It just takes time and acceptance that even when healed, the loss will still affect us.

Answer 3

It sounds as though you never really accepted your divorce from him. You also said that you haven't been together for 20 years. I am sorry for your loss, but if he died only last week, it isn't at all strange to feel very sad right now. It kind of seems that you haven't lost anyone close to you before, or you would know that grief doesn't subside in a few days. You might benefit from some grief counseling not only to deal with the issue of his death, but to help you find some closure with regard to your divorce, as well.

Answer 4

I've many voids that will never be filled - losing both my parents, a 21-year old niece to alcohol and a 17 year old nephew to murder. Their rememberance is a part of my every day life - espeecially my father because my daughters never knew him, but they do "know" him through my memories, which is important.

Answer 5

Oh my goodness. Earlier in the year my best bud moved out of state. I mourned as if he had died. I cried. I still miss him. we talk on the phone but it's not the same. I miss not going out to lunch or whatever.

I have yet to mourn deeply about anyone I know of that has died. I usually cry at the funeral and that's about it. (mostly old people to be honest) I know that if my parents or sisters die (or my children) I will be mourning for a long time.

Answer 6

I lost my two grandmothers and one grandfather all in 3 years time.The first was my fathers mother, she died of a staff infection after surgery. One year later I lost my mothers mother to lung cancer and a year later my mothers father to heart failure, but we all believe that he died of a broken heart, due to the lose of my grandmother. They were married 55 years and he cherished her.

It has been several years since their deaths and it doesn't get easier dealing with the loss of the people I loved dearly. The one thing that does take away some of the pain is knowing that they are no longer suffering from the pains that took them away from me. It is never easy getting over the loss of a loved one.

Answer 7

yes for a long time i tried to fill the void of my mom dying with drugs and alcohal and it didnt help

Answer 8

I lost my mom a couple of years ago and I don't think that I will ever get over it. I know my dad won't. They were married for 56 years. She was his life.

Answer 9

Empty the stones from your pockets and swim...;0)