My divorce went very quickly because my husband (now ex) had an affair. We were divorced 3 months from the day I found out. That was 4 months ago. It has been 7 months in total. My ex will be moving in with the other woman this week. I am finding it difficult to deal with him on issues with our son. He is not spending alot of time with our son lately. I have tried to tell my ex that he needs to put more effort into his relationship with his son but I got this comment "you are not my wife, you are not my mother - you are irrelevant and your opinions do not matter". That hurt - so I have decided to let things go. I no longer make any comments. It seems as if my ex wants to set the boundaries. Then he will call me and ask me my opinion on something not related to our son. He confuses me. What do I do? I have decided to ask nothing and expect nothing. That way I do not get disappointed. Anybody else in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Why is my ex like this?
2006-11-27 05:39:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You respond, "I am the mother of your child and always will be. My opinions, as they regard our child, are of the utmost relevance at all times. Now put away the silly macho behavior, and pay attention so that we can raise a healthy, happy, well-adjusted child together."
2006-11-27 05:43:00 · answer #1 · answered by kja63 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your ex is playing head games with you. I had an ex like that too. I always called him and informed him of what his son was doing and when he would be off school, but he never really seemed to put much interest in him. I stopped doing that and now my son sees his father for what he really is. As for the phone calls that had nothing to do with my son, well I put a stop to then. I informed the ex that if this conversation had nothing to do with our son, then there is nothing that we need to discuss. It's very important to keep things just about the child now. Otherwise, the ex will think you still have feelings for him and make your life a living hell. Do not play his game. Raise your son and wish his father well. Just go about your business and raise your son with all the love you have to give. Do not give his father any thought. The only thing you can do is show your son that you are always there for him no matter what. Good luck and GOD bless.
2006-11-27 13:48:30 · answer #2 · answered by cookie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's like that because he's in a place of such hurt that he is not being appropriately empathetic. You would do well to point this out to him emphatically. Given what he tells you when you offer advice, then when he calls you and asks you your opinion on something not related to your son, you should say, "I am not your wife, I am not your confidant. Your petty problems are of no concern to me." If he acts hurt, matter-of-factly tell him that your statement merely reflects how you thought he wanted the relationship to be. Allow a dialogue to open if he sees himself mirrored in your response. If he doesn't, however, skip it -- that would mean he's not yet at a point where he can gain any insight.
2006-11-27 13:53:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! what a mind f___ , pardon the language but your head must be just spinning. I'm so sorry! Have you gotten any counseling for yourself? I found some really good programs at churches if you don't have the $$ otherwise.
Huge hugs to you! The other poster is right, don't get into conversations with him that are not relevant to your son as it will just leave you vulnerable to being hurt more. YOU need to set the boundaries & not let him take advantage of you & demean you. You have to work on YOU and realize you are special & important regardless of his childish & selfish behavior.
I know it may sound corny but I would really suggest reading Dr. Phil's book "Self Matters" - It may get you on the path to regaining your bearings in a life that has just gotten turned upside down in a matter of months.
2006-11-27 13:46:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Don't let him. You set the boundries with him too. Don't let him get an upper hand with you. Also tell him that anything that concerns YOUR son is a subject that can and should be brought up whether your ex likes it or not. You are BOTH your sons parents and will be working together for this childs well being. financially, Physically and Emotionally.
2006-11-27 14:05:11 · answer #5 · answered by haditforgood 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously the magic in the relationship between u and him is gone and that you are a past and nothing more than a friend. He must have found something that made him alive and want to live with this new woman.
I think he is also not ready to be a father or to be responsible. Did the two of you plan to have kids?
He has moved on and his state of mind is on a new chapter. You should consider doing the same.
2006-11-27 13:43:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him...
"You had all your answers when you were with me. Know your confused and don't know what to do. Isn't that too bad for you hubby? I don't know and don't care, I'm only concerned with our son. Maybe if you cheat on her the new other woman can give you some idea's!"
I think he will get the message and stop asking stupid questions like that.
2006-11-27 13:51:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The next time he calls you to ask about something not related to your son, tell him how does he expect you to know? What does he think you are, his personal advisor or maybe he thinks you're his mother. What? He's not smart enough to solve his own damn problems? Tell him unless it pertains to your son, you don't have the time or patience for his drama.
2006-11-27 13:52:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you have child/children together, this will continue until the child/children become emancipated. So accept it, and adjust accordingly.
Treat your son as you would normally. Do NOT compensate him for being divorced. Show him he is dearly loved.
You do NOT need to speak to your husband, whatever the circumstance. You are DIVORCED. The sooner you accept that fact, the better off you will be. Get on with your life, in discovering who you really are.....ENJOY your new found freedom!
2006-11-27 13:45:35 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I am no expert, ut it seems that you hae bad luck with finding men. I believe you should forget about changing your ex, as a man myself I know its impossible. their are many other men in the world that can be more of a positive role model for your son, and maybe his father is not that right person. I think its best not to comment aymore and just let him do what he does in the end he will regret not being with his son.
GOD Bless
2006-11-27 13:46:41 · answer #10 · answered by caddy12_99_99 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋