we have good conversations when i am across the room from him, but as soon as i get in range he throws his arms around me and draws me in.... he is like 6'5" and i am 5'5" so i tuck in under his shoulder and can't really pull myself away without it being insanely obvious that i am shirking him, so i have been "going with it" ..... its starting to get really annoying and even slightly uncomfortable... my husband doesn't like it either, but isn't around him as much as me since it is my friends boyfriend, so hasn't really had the opportunity to be like "get your hands off my wife"... he isn't doing it sexually or anything... but its just weird. i want personal space.
how do i bring this subject up with him or my friend?
2006-11-27 05:38:21 · 15 answers · asked by don't be rude. 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You can try to address it jokingly, at least once, with him to see if he gets the hint. Say something like, "Dude! Need my personal space please!" (and gesture the amount of personal space you would like) or "Quit trying to wrestle with me!" or "Hey, don't mess the 'do!" Or have your husband jokingly step in and pull you away and put his arm around you, saying "Hey, this one's mine, yours is over there!"
If he doesn't take the hint, you can try approaching him discreetly and privately, and telling him that while you enjoy his company, the physical rough-housing isn't as much fun for you, he doesn't know his own strength, you prefer a little more personal space, etc. Or you can go to your friend and ask her to talk with him. Be sure to stress that it's nothing personal or negative against him, it's just not your thing.
2006-11-27 05:48:53 · answer #1 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your issue is with HIM, not your friend.
Unfortunately you have sent him some mixed signals by trying to be "Nice", & he obviously believes that he isn't violating your personal space. Now you will have to be a lot more obvious to him, if you want his physical advances to stop.
If he's grabbing you, & it's inappropriate to you, then maybe it should become "Insanely obvious that you are shirking him".
You could better help yourself if you stop taking personal responsibility for his actions. You are right when you say it's "weird". So the onus isn't on you to accept his behaviour.
The next time you see him moving in, you have to put your arm straight out & block him with your hand so he'll have to break your arm in half to be able to get to you. At the same time in a firm voice say "STOP".
Now as kindly as you can, explain to him that you are very uncomfortable with his violation of your personal space, & that it needs to stop immediately. Don't wait until you are angry to have the courage to do this, just do it.
If he keeps it up after that then he deserves a good kick in the nuts, if that's what it takes for him to get the message.
Good Luck.
2006-11-27 06:00:24 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When he brings you in yell out and say that your neck cracked !
Then sob a little and rub your neck. He will get the picture that he hurt you and won't do it again. It will keep things cool between you and your friend. It's better to become the victim than the aggressor. Telling him or you friend will end hurting them. Your friend probably thinks he's just a lovable teddy bear that likes to hug and such, and when you stress that it bothers you, she will think you're over-reacting and may take the "oh here comes miss personal space, everyone move out of her way" or something sarcastic like that. I think the neck hurting bit will work.
Good Luck !
2006-11-27 06:21:10 · answer #3 · answered by This, That & such 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't ask him, tell him. If he doesn't respect your personal space, you can't just expect him to understand how uncomfortable you are. Tell him that you don't want him to touch you. Your husband should grow some kahoonas too if it is bothering him that much.
2006-11-27 05:44:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him the truth.
Say
"Look, you know I'm married. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable when you keep putting your arms around me like that. Can you please stop?"
It'll create a bit of an awkward feeling between you but he'll stop, the awkward feeling will pass.
2006-11-27 05:42:44 · answer #5 · answered by winds_of_justice 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Next time he does it, simply pull away and honestly tell him that it makes you very uncomfortable when he does it. If that doesn't stop him then try a well placed elbow in the ribcage and restate that he needs to stop manhandling you!
2006-11-27 05:43:49 · answer #6 · answered by Shalvia 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Since it is bothering you, you should tell him directly that it makes you uncomfortable. You should reiterate that you understand he's being friendly, you just need your space! I think if you come to him without making it awkward and accusatory, he should respect that.
2006-11-27 05:45:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i understand this is a very embarassing situation to be in and a very delicate one too..
I think u must just shrug off and maybe give some sign that ur not comfortable,but if he continues u must jus tell him that u are not liking it and if he still continues then ul have to be a lil more rude and tell him that if it happens one more time ul let his girl kno about it and if it still does not stop ul have to tell his girl...that should surely stop things..
2006-11-27 05:43:31 · answer #8 · answered by zombie... 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
stop spending so much time with him and your friend. if you all want to hang out as couples, that's fine, but since you're uncomfortable with him touching you, simply avoid it. i mean after all, where's your husband when you all are "hanging out?" i definitely wouldn't get close enough for him to touch me and would put an end to that immediately, but if you haven't said anything thus far, you probably won't. talk to your g/f. hopefully she's open minded enough where she won't take offense. good luck...
2006-11-27 05:45:21 · answer #9 · answered by cutesensiblechic 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As he draws you in..accidentally throw your knee into his balls! Do it every time he pulls you in. He will learn soon enough not to touch you!
2006-11-27 05:48:35 · answer #10 · answered by fiercedong 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋