my husband loves to talk to girls online and there always hitting on him he does it when im next to him.i tell him i dont like it but he ignores me,he also loves porn.we are always arguing bacause of it.we have a oppurtunity to do counsling through the military bacause hes in the military.but he thinks i have the problem not him.what should i do?
2006-11-27 05:08:57 · 42 answers · asked by babyphat.1984 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
tell him that you are with him, and do nothing
:> peace
.
2006-11-30 15:51:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is subtly pushing you away. He knows you probably don't like it, but he does it anyway. You are weak and insecure if you feel you cannot bring it to his attention and address the issue.
Counseling is a waste of time and prolongs the inevitable. If you are drifting apart, don't try to build a raft and stay afloat. Swim for shore NOW before you get too far out.
As for porn...all men look at porn or have porn. Those that say they don't, are liars. I really never have understood womens turn off at porn. If the guy is on porn 24/7, has all the DVD's, names his children after pron stars, then there is a problem. But watching it and maybe joking a bit is no big deal.
2006-11-27 05:17:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is valid weight to support both sides here…
1stly if he respected you he would forgo the online chat, simply because it is somewhat disrespectful, not only to you, certainly most importantly, but also himself
The porn thing is a little more complicated....
This is one of those women/men - Venus/Mars things I'm afraid..
Are you assuming he is wrong for looking?
Has he always liked to look at porn?
Does he have a fetish that you know nothing about?
Does he feel if above is true that you would pour scorn on him for it?
I wouldn't say that he is wrong because he likes to look at porn, it is a simple act and does (whether you like it or not, agree or not) require some merit for some people, but I wouldn't say you are wrong because you don't (At least, you don’t mention that fact)!!
You do need to talk though; this is unfortunately a subject that all too often leads to irreconcilable differences...
Good luck…
:-)
2006-11-27 05:19:28 · answer #3 · answered by Jaws P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa girl, I have been where you are.....Porn is a touchy subject, but flirting with other girls online IN YOUR PRESENCE or not is just as bad. Your spouse is physically there but not mentally with you. This is a fantasy world that is easy to get sucked in to. You can tell him you dont like it until the cows come home but it wont make a bit of difference. I was dating someone for a long time who did that and since you are married I wont tell you to just walk out but I had to kick my man to the curb. Think about it this way, when you two are intimate, is he thinking about you? You have some soul searching to do...hes got a problem...Porn isnt necessarily bad if both of you like to watch it and get freaky (my b/f and I did that)..but not to sit and watch as a replacement for intimacy with you...Try everything you can, go to counceling alone if you need to. The key is to know when there is nothing more that can be done to save the relationship...denying there is a problem or putting the blame on the other person is very common and very destructive,,, best of luck
2006-11-27 05:13:13 · answer #4 · answered by rufnready 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your husband loved you then he would not be talking to other women nor would he be looking at porn. More than likely, if he's talking to them online (especially while your sitting beside him) then he is probably meeting them as well. If he isn't already meeting them, then I would definitely watch out because that will be around the corner. I would have the internet cut off. Then I would sit down and talk to him about the situation. If he doesn't want to listen or cooperate with counseling then I would tell him to leave or I would leave.
2006-11-27 05:13:42 · answer #5 · answered by mwawmw06@verizon.net 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Go to counselling, and trust me the counsellor will look at him point blank and let him know in no uncertain terms that it's HIM with the problem not YOU. As for the porn, don't worry about that part of it. It's the talking trash to other women online. That is and always will be cheating, whether or not you are there. He sounds emotionally abusive towards you, I'd run as far and as fast as possible.
2006-11-27 05:12:51 · answer #6 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
dowload all the info you can on porn addiction and chat addiction (they are real), print it and put it on the keyboard for his browsing pleasure, make sure your not around or a fight will errupt. Remember 2 things all addictions start with denial, and 2 without some kind of intervention they continue. By the way being in the Military is an advantage to you, if you feel this is some sort of abuse you can report it to his unit commander and trust me, it will be dealt with.
2006-11-27 05:14:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go to counciling together. Let the counciler tell you who has the problem. Half the time, the job of a counciler is as arbitrator. Usually, both sides are saying something that is unmanagable, and the counciler just has to let each side hear what the other is saying. Rarely is it one sided. Yours might be the exception, but don't try to point fingers. There's nothing to be gained. Go together, let the counciler figure out who needs to give up what.
2006-11-27 05:14:40 · answer #8 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well there is not much you can do except start ignoring him and then he will cheat on you and you can leave him. he will never accept the responsiblity of his fetish or what ever you want to call it. if you guys do not have kids u should leave. I have seen this situation a lot in my life and it always ends the same. sometimes it is best just to cut your losses. If you are thinking of doing dome porn for him to get his attention it will work at first but before you know it you will be asked to get into the swinging life style. but anyway around good lcuk.
2006-11-27 05:13:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you talk to other guys on the internet? Who knows what he is doing when ur not there. Maybe yall need some time apart. Leave him for like a week or so and see what happens. If he acts like he don't care then maybe he is doing something behind your back. Good Luck Girl.
2006-11-27 05:13:47 · answer #10 · answered by Qt PIE 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he's the one with the problem. what if you treated him that way. i doubt very much he'd take it from you. it's hard enough dealing with him have to serve in the military, but obsessive porn, flirting on line or in person is unfair, unacceptable and disrepectful not only to you but to your marriage. for all you know could be seeing women behind your back. not all, but some people in the military have affairs. if he doesn't want to go to counseling to help save the marirage then i suggest you go alone for your self. if it continues i think you should get out. obviously he's not committed to you or your marriage. his habits are clear deal breakers and you don't have to be subjected to it. you don't have to be unhappy. people have broken up for less. i wish you luck.
2006-11-27 05:23:38 · answer #11 · answered by NoDeal21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋