How to deal with a 15 yo son that doesn't like you?

Question

A year ago my son had to be punished because he joined bad crowds, was doing dangerous stuff. We grounded him for some months until we could trust him again. He changed completely, but got very resentful and humiliated, because he had apologized and promised to change and it took us months to trust him again. Today he's a great boy but avoids us, doesn't talk to us about his life, he just lives with us. We tried to tal with him a lot of times, explained we were afraid he'd do something dangerous, it was out of love. But he always says he can't get over , we should have belived him (although he had some chances to change his behavior without a punishment) and shouldn't wait for months before trusting him again. Today he's sure a great guy, but sems will never love us again. This year he got in the honor roll of his school and didn't tell us, I got to know from a teacher. We could have so many activities together, I could help him so much. But seems his resentment will last forever

Is it normal that s so resentful behavior has lasted for so long? can this carry on to adulthood?

Answer 1

You've got some serious trust issues with the boy and it will take time for him to be open with you as a result. I raised 4 boys and my oldest was the same way. He started hanging around with druggies and staying out all hours when he was only 16. We limited his freedom also and even though he resented it at the time he realized later that what we did was out of love and concern for him. It's sad that your son has shut you out of his life, but a certain amount of that behavior is normal for a teen-ager. Mom and Dad just aren't the focus of their lives any longer. It's a tough thing to go through without having the issues you have in your relationship. Since he's only 15 and still open to changes in his outlook on life I wouldn't worry that this will continue into adulthood. He's just at a stage where parents aren't important. Do the activities with him that he enjoys and let him call the shots as far as letting you in his life. From experience I can tell you that the harder you push the farther he'll pull away. Good luck to you and don't feel like therapy isn't an option. Maybe it would help to have family therapy for a while and see if you can get beyond this and have a healthy relationship in the future.

Answer 2

If you want to be close to your children, kids. do not try to control them, you do not own them. you must teach by teaching them self reliance. instead of demanding that their curfew is 10pm. Ask them what time do they think would be reasonable for them to be home. ask him/her why do you think that is so.
if they want to watch TV the night before a test. Don't tell them shut the TV off and go study. but suggest that if you are not prepared for your test you will flunk. what do you think is more painful, studying for the test and being prepared and know you can do well on the test or having fun now watching TV and then flunking the test.
you see they have to originate for themselves that they are doing for themselves.

Answer 3

in his mind he felt that you should have trusted him from word go, and You could not, or wouldn't. He needs to mature a bit more, and see the world through an adults eyes and he will understand.he will get past the so called betrayal, it is just going to take time. trust is built, in both directions

Answer 4

okay . give the kid a break. ive been grounded for like 4 months because my 'rents dnt trust me. its a perfect way to get ur teen to hate u. it ruins any social life u had before, and makes u like a peice of ****, no matter how much "we did it for ur own good and because we love you" u glob on. fo wat ur son is doing, dont ignore him, but just live with him. Then there's a possibility that u can grow back together

Answer 5

its very hard for him as it is for you.. i understand that it was hard for you sa sa parent to trust him again after that.. but you have to show him that you trust him.. maybe what i can tell you to do is to hav ea counseling a family one.. or.... you can log in to this web page caminos.com, it s seminary i didt it a year ago, its nothing religious and its very good for everybody... they do it in different states and they have it in english an dspanish, its a little expensive but it worths it... its very good.